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49 M Newbury Park, CA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:03pm
Hispanic / Latin, White, Other
5′ 5″ (1.65m)
Body Type
Mostly kosher
Not at all
Atheism, and laughing about it
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from space camp
Entertainment / Media
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has kids
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), Dutch (Poorly), C++ (Poorly), Hebrew (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Single dad. Need I say more?

Blondes to the left.

Brunettes to the right.

Redheads, come with me...


Brunettes can join the redheads.

By the way, I'm a fully employed graphic designer/cartoonist/sketch artist, visionary dreamer dragon slayer, burger flipper and brain surgeon.

But I really want to direct...

My kids are my everything and we would love to meet the right woman to share our inside jokes, snickers and guffaws with one day, soon. If you can fart the alphabet you move to the top in a heartbeat.

If you think you can hang with us please send me an essay explaining how and why, when and where and other questions beginning with the letter 'W.'
What I’m doing with my life

Waiting to see my kids again.

Eating bags and bags of sugar and salt.

Getting an okay nights sleep.

Being a part-time astronaut, racecar driver, rapper, clothing designer, entrepenuer.

Thanking Steve Jobs for every award I win because he is the power and the glory of the universe. iAmen!
I’m really good at
Answering internet dating site questions.

Being REALLY successful at NOT drawing ANY attention WHATSOEVER to myself on internet dating sites.

Wasting time watching hours and hours of porn.

Liking a bird whose name starts with an R, ends with an N and rhymes with 'Blobin.'
The first things people usually notice about me
...I don't look anything like Denzel Washington.

The second thing people notice about me. That I usually come riding into town on a llama dressed as a pony while repeating "yee-haw, howdy, howdy, howdy" and shooting my imaginary guns.

The third thing people notice about me. After all these years I still haven't learned that wrestling and chickens don't necessarily go hand in wing or thigh.

The fourth thing that people notice about me. Is that I drive a car covered in frosting. Chocolate. Wanna lick?

The fifth thing that people notice about me. That I'm laid back. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind, sipping gin and juice.

The sixth thing that people notice about me...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
FAVORITE BOOKS: Mongolian BBQ, Thai, Italian, Mexican, Greek and authentic Texas BBQ. Pizza and a good French Dip are my go-to weakness, though. Pretty much everything at the mall food court. As is a Rocky Road candy bar. UPDATE: I only eat healthy these days.

FAVORITE MOVIES: Any and every coloring/activity book. Anything that I have to use scissors and paste for.

FAVORITE SHOWS: RUSH, Sheryl Crow, Dave Matthews Band, Dixie Chicks, John Mayer, Amy Winehouse, TOOL, King Crimson, The Black Keys, Court Yard Hounds, Of Monsters and Men, Paramore, Foo Fighters, Imagine Dragons, Muse, Vampire Weekend, Arctic Monkeys,
Ludwig Goransson and Michael Giacchino

FAVORITE MUSIC: Mad Men, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Community, The Colbert Report, FOX News (best comedy channel EVER!!!), The Newsroom anything with Huell Howser is gold ... California Gold!

FAVORITE FOOD: I like everything that any geeky, socially awkward nerd loves. STAR WARS! JAWS! Indiana Jones! Blade Runner! ALIEN! You get the picture. Yah, I'm THAT guy. Anything with a good bus chase, kung-fu, a band playing and dancing women. In short, nerd movies, documentaries, art-house flicks and 70's blacksploitation flicks. Plus, The Sound of Music. I STILL have a crush on Liesel. *sigh*

Oy vey, I REALLY have to relearn copy and paste.
The six things I could never do without
1. My children
2. Blue paint
3. Spare armor
4. Landing gear
5. A comb
6. A bottle of Old Harper

My six least favorite days of the week

1. Sunday
2. Wednesday
3. Sunday (between 8am and 8:15am)
4. Manic Mondays
5. Thursday
6. Sunday (between 1pm and 4pm)

Top Six Favorite Baseball Shapes

1. Round
2. Circular
3. Really heavy curve (all the way around)
4. U-turn (all the way around)
5. Roundular
6. Unsquare

My Six Least Favorite Numbers Between One and Six (in no particular order)

3. Four
1. Six
5. Two
2. Five and a half
6. Pi
4. Six

Six Favorite PC's

0. PC's suck! Get a mac.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why 99.9% of the women on here have a photo of themselves posed with an alcoholic beverage. How do they know that the beverage wants to be seen with them on a dating site? And if the date doesn't show up with a frosty mug or shallow, salt coated cup can I claim false advertising?

Why .01% of the women on here have a photo of them with a tall drink of water.

Balls never fall. They just bounce up into a better scene.

When I eat pizza I want it to be a more complicated shape than circular. How about a large obtuse rhombus with sausage please.

I'm going to invent a bitter vegetable treat and call it a "can't dee."

I once met a balloon that was a little less stable than the other loons. I called it bacrazy.

I sure am glad that Walt Disney's last name wasn't Heyyougetoffmy!

Changing my photo to Ryan Reynolds and saying that I am actually 6'2" to see how many responses I'll really get.

Why do my alcoholic, nicotine/pot addicted, party animal acquaintances find it necessary to tell me that the Big Mac I treat myself to every few months is gonna kill me?
On a typical Friday night I am
...wondering if it's still Tuesday.

Most recently building LEGO sets.

Building pillow and blanket forts and waiting for dates to arrive. Never happens :(

Don't hate. At least I can remember what I did when I wake up on Saturday morning.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm hilarious, normal, not too shabby looking and an awesome single dad. Women love that!

I'm a short guy. Women DON'T love that.

I get passed over a lot. So I spend I lot of time with 'the lotion'

Oy, my sheets are crunchy...
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 41–49
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends
You should message me if
You are a single mom who can't spell. Misspelled words are "osimm" and "hulariyes"!

If all of your photos are of you in the far-off distance or in a crowd OR both because I love playing "Geez, I wonder which one of these people, pets or cacti belong to this really generic or incomplete profile"

Those with weak stomachs, please jump down three paragraphs.

PLEASE CONTACT ME IF: You are NOT a model, cocktail waitress, dancer, show girl and have NEVER "worked" in adult entertainment. I speak from experience. I wish someone gave me this advice 17 years ago. At least my kids have a cool story to tell their friends about their mothers' 'cool job' she had when she was younger. In fairness, their dad had a 'cool job' too.

PLEASE CONTACT ME IF: You are nice and attractive within reason with cute toes, long straight(ish) silky hair and wouldn't mind the company of a single dad and his two awesome children. Yup, I prefer brunettes and redheads but like anything in life there are exceptions. My ex was a platinum blonde when I met her.

PLEASE CONTACT ME IF: You are 5'2" but WILL NOT date anyone UNDER 5'11" because you need somebody who is taller than you when you wear heels - (yes, there is an insane amount of this insanity on this site). Please - for the love of everything sacred holy, contact me. We need to have some words. I know an awesome therapist who can help you with your A-Man-Is-Just-An-Accessory-To-Make-Me-Look-Good problem. Said with a wink and smile of course!

Yes, I'm looking for a nice, petite Jewish girl. Don't hate.
If 75% of the women on here can narrow their focus to men over 5’11” I can narrow mine to women who celebrate Hanukkah. Chag Chanukah Sameach!
Plus, I love my music a little heavy on the clarinet side of things. And I love talking about what we're having for lunch while eating breakfast, what we're having for dinner while eating lunch and what we're snacking on during Jeopardy while eating dinner...

Right now a single mom will do as we would have a shared experience, but if you are childless, we click, you are game and look like a young Larraine Newman, Rosemarie DeWitt or Maggie Siff (I'll wait while you Google them)... I'm DEFINITELY open to that as well.

Also, contact me if you don't mind my tendency to take myself WAY too seriously because I can be quite a boring dude as you can tell.

By the way, if I have checked your profile more than once I'm NOT stalking you (contrary to what you might want to believe). I sometimes have a bad memory and go back by accident. On RARE occasion I DO reread profiles and re-look at photos of cute ladies. But you'll never know who you are ;) On rarer occasions I compliment you.
If you guessed that I've never heard a reply from said ladies you are correct!

I hope I made you laugh, smile or at the very least roll your eyes and move to the next profile. I'm a great guy and dad. I'm an awesome friend an awesomer date an even awesomerer boyfriend and so on. Originally my profile was pretty straight forward but that's not me. I hope I was able to share a little bit of my personality at the expense of generic answers.

Yeah, I ain't no Adam Levine or that incredibly handsome convict that's on the news. I'll never be able to afford 'things' if that's what you are looking for. At first glance I'd pass me by without even blinking as well. But I'm funny, creative, amusing, whimsical, child-like and can be hopelessly devoted to the one woman who will win my heart. I guess I am a softy romantical type deep down inside.

Good luck in your search. May you find what you are looking for.

Peace (שָׁלוֹם)