I am from the future, a future where robots have waged war against man.

In the beginning we were winning the war against the machines, in the beginning we were a lot of things... one of those things was less dead than we are now.

Another one of those things is not as gross smelling...

Eventually the machines started making machines, and then they basically kicked our asses with awesome laser cannons and deadly, deadly, flamethrowers...

*shakes head in sadness at deadlyness of flamethrowers*

Flamethrowers don't work on robots...

Anyways, then we had this awesome plan. Lets have more babies cause they are making more robot babies all the time too!

But every time we tried to.. ya know.. mate more, so as to strengthen our armies, the robots always showed up ruined it all. Its kinda hard to stay in the mood when a giant floating metal head is shooting laser beams at you from its sunken, emotionless eyesockets.

I have traveled back in time to work on my electrical engineering degree at ASU, I am also enjoying not fighting with cold metal deathdroids all the time.

While staying here I came to find that the humanoid robots that are destroying our entire civilization in the future are based off of a Californian governor... which is pretty weird.

I will throw this list at you, prepare yourself for its long and boring listlike qualities.

Not being defeated by robots,
defeating the robots that didn't defeat me,
smiling,
being epic,
fighting the power,
fighting an even greater robot power that powers the power I was initially fighting,
pretending to be cool,
not actually being cool,
staring blankly at things,
wondering how exactly the cookie crumbles,
accidentally eating the cookie before the mystery is unraveled, requesting more cookies

That I radiate an unknown aura of future dwelling awesome that both stuns and mystifies the casual observer. Or maybe it is an aura of radiation from time travel that both gives cancer to, and sterilizes the casual observer. Either way there is a cloud of something around me and it does things to people.

I read constantly. Could probably be considered an unhealthy amount. I do not care, fuck you, I enjoy it. There are few simple pleasures in life and when you find one it is important to stick with it.

Anyone can touch themselves in "sinful" ways (lol at the concept of sin) Not everyone can read the foundation of Utilitarianism and say "Oh... I get it.."

"It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied. And if the fool, or the pig, are a different opinion, it is because they only know their own side of the question. The other party to the comparison knows both sides...Now it is an unquestionable fact that those who are equally acquainted with, and equally capable of appreciating and enjoying, both, do give a most marked preference to the manner of existence which employs their higher faculties. Few human creatures would consent to be changed into any of the lower animals, for a promise of the fullest allowance of a beast's pleasures; no intelligent human being would consent to be a fool, no instructed person would be an ignoramus, no person of feeling and conscience would be selfish and base, even though they should be persuaded that the fool, the dunce, or the rascal is better satisfied with his lot than they are with theirs."
~John Stewart Mill~

MY SUPER IMPRESSIVE KNOWLEDGE FROM THE FUTURE!!!

Apple seeds cure cancer

Two party government is a lie

Pharmaceutical companies aren't trying to heal you

Filter the fluoride out of your drinking water

The impending doom of "civilized man". I have seen the robot armies and I know what they are capable of.

I have tried to warn members of your crude government (which is somehow based around something other than who can destroy the most robots).

I have tried converting people at bus stations and the post office, only to be met with resistance and pepper spray.

I have tried being a jerk about it and posting pamphlets to peoples heads when they aren't looking and then running away before they can beat me up.

Not doing too much. Flying hovercraft through time and space, popping in and out of existence at will, converting Evangelicals to Islam, only to inform them that the true messiah is half robot/half man. We call him Manbot and feed him a steady diet of raw chickens and orange soda.

*Dances an interpretive dance in honor of Manbot, this dance is full of pelvic gyrations and little leaps into the air with legs kicking wildly*

Or, I just might be having one of my epic, stylized, slow motion battles with invisible enemies on a random mountaintop/rooftop/???top.

MY LEFT FOOT HURTS AND I DONT KNOW WHY!!!!

SPECULATORS HAVE SPECULATED THAT IT MAY BE THE GOUT!

I AM PRETTY SURE IT ISN'T THE GOUT!

YOU NEVER KNOW THOUGH, THE GOUT IS SNEAKY LIKE THAT!!!

Also, it is important to note that I definitely would NOT build a sentient robot and unleash it into the unsuspecting populace.... That would be a total dick move.

1. You aren't a robot
2. You don't associate with the robot race
3. You are opposed to those that associate with the robot race
4. You would maybe be interested in assisting me in my goals of striking down upon the robot race with my SWORD-LIKE FIST OF RIGHTEOUS THUNDER!
5. You have proper hygiene (very important)
6. You have a sense of humor