"I am here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum"

...yup, this is STILL not the profile you're looking for...

I'm not sure exactly what you hope or want to see written here (ancient, gullible, lonely millionaire with terminal heart condition?) but I suspect that it probably isn't anything that could truthfully be said about or by me. Besides, does anyone really believe other peoples self-summaries? - let's face it, even if I was actually an unwashed Nazi psychopath I'm hardly about to admit to it here of all places am I?

I'm from NW London and a fairly antisocial loner but I'm working on that at the moment, which is why I'm on here. What passes for my sense of humour might best be described as dark, with the cynicism filter cranked up to about eleven. I can be a little random, and from time to time I will up and ride off somewhere on my motorbike at the drop of a hat. Most of the time I'm not even sure what day it is, never mind what I want from life. Sorted? Don't make me laugh!

I'm a lifelong biker and metalhead. Apart from being obsessed with motorbikes and rock music I like animals, particularly cats ferrets and rats. I enjoy motorbike rallies, going to live gigs, clubs, films, galleries and museums, eating out, computer games, books, comics, sci-fi fantasy and anime, used to be a gamer, blah blah etc. etc. ...just another nerdy guy then. Get over it.

I'm six foot tall, average build and the poster boy for 'scruffy' - I don't really 'scrub up' at all. Clothes? - any colour you like as long as it's black (and preferably leather) - put it this way, I could be an extra in a Mad Max or Matrix movie without having to visit wardrobe or the makeup trailer first. Some kids in Tesco once thought I was a vampire slayer... cute, huh? Well, it made MY day.

I'm a lifelong slacker and have no interest in money beyond my immediate needs. Bikes running? Check. Petrol money? Yup. Bills covered for the foreseeable future? Hell yeah... and I'm outta here. I'm fortunate enough to be able to work more or less when I want/need to. I tend to do arty stuff for a living, that way it it doesn't feel like real work and I can dress pretty much how I like. Bonus

I'm single, no kids, never been married - now there's a surprise...

Still reading? Remarkable... well then, on the plus side, I'm fiercely loyal, totally honest, often brutally so (no, that dress doesn't make you look fat, it's all the cake, chocolate and ice cream you guzzle that makes you look fat) utterly faithful and on occasion unfeasibly kind... no criminal record and no history of insanity in my family... but then, I guess I would say that, wouldn't I, even if I was actually a deranged axe-murderer? ...in fact I'd probably say that ESPECIALLY if I was a deranged axe-murderer... so I don't expect you to believe a word.

Meh, believe what you like.

...just remember, EVERYTHING I say is a lie...

"Life? Don't talk to me about life... brain the size of a planet and here I am parking cars..."

Still in the process of trying to work out what it's all about. The forecast is not great...

Keeping busy slaying vampires and preparing for the coming zombie apocalypse.

Otherwise, riding my bikes and enjoying my 'work' making things for films, TV and theatre whenever the opportunity presents itself. Can you believe they actually pay me to do that stuff?

"Good? Bad? - I'm the one with the gun..."

Avoiding responsibility.

Leaping sideways/running up walls whilst wearing a trenchcoat and firing two pistols at once and looking incredibly cool in the process (I wish)

Painting, drawing, sculpting and making... well, all sorts of things.

Meeting impossible deadlines.

Keeping children amused and entertained.

Having been a biker for well over 30 years without getting killed or even seriously injured yet I guess I must be getting pretty good at that too.

"More human than human"

I'd be lying if I said anything other than my muticolour beard and the way I dress.

Most people notice I'm mixed race immediately, but strangely a few don't suspect at all until it's pointed out to them.

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..."

Books - I love history, especially the classics, Sci-Fi and fantasy - among my favourites are Homers Iliad and Odyssey, Xenophons Anabasis, Herodotus, Lord Of The Rings, Starship Trooper, Dune, Foundation Trilogy, Earthsea trilogy, Michael Moorcock, Roger Zelazny, Poul Anderson, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Harry Harrison, comics/graphic novels - The Preacher, Just a Pilgrim, 100 Bullets, Watchmen, The Killing Joke, V for Vendetta, and too many other old school classic sci-fi/fantasy authors to mention.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I'm rather keen on film - Mad Max 2, Blade Runner, Das Boot, Seven Samurai and anything by Akira Kurosawa, Stalingrad, Come and See, Cross of Iron, Apocalypse Now!, Aliens, Predator, Battleship Potempkin, The Matrix (1!), Spartacus, Ben Hur, Leon, Nikita, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Star Wars, Moby Dick, Zulu, Amelie, The Princess Bride, Fight Club, Monty Python, Time Bandits, The Wages Of Fear, Old Boy, Hero, City Of Lost Children, Watchmen, Tremors, Assault on Precinct 13, They Live!, The Thing and many other John Carpenter films, Fistful Of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, The Good The Bad And The Ugly, spaghetti westerns/Sergio Leone films, Night Of The Living Dead and other George A. Romero zombie films, The Killer, Bullet In The head and other John Woo/Hong Kong films, old war films, again just too many others to mention... I love film and I'll give pretty much anything a go.

I mostly listen to rock/metal/punk/goth and industrial music. Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, King Crimson, Motorhead, NIN, The Stranglers, The Clash, Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, Henry Rollins, Rammstein, the Prodigy, etc. etc. - even some old school rap and hip-hop - NWA, Run DMC, Everlast, Bodycount (rock/metal? - or rap? whatever, I like them)

Food - Indian and Thai are probably my favourites, the hotter the better - but really, it's ALL good - I'm an equal opportunities eater and I've yet to meet a foodstuff I really didn't like, even when I was backpacking in the African bush.

"Death seed, blind mans greed,
poets starving children bleed...
nothing he's got he really needs,
...21st century schizoid man"

I'm quite attached to my bikes, my PC's and my CoH subscription, my DAB radio, my music collection and my all black bike leathers.

I could pretty much do without any of it really, because come the zombie apocalypse most of it will be worthless apart from maybe the bikes and bike leathers (bite proof)

"When you gotta shoot, shoot - don't talk"

...how to survive the coming zombie apocalypse.

That, and the meaning of life, the human condition, and other existential tomfoolery...

How likely it is that I might meet someone compatible and interested on a site like this...

...oh, and which bike I might get next.

"You can either surf, or you can fight!"

Packing for (or riding to) my next bike rally, playing PC/MMO games, chatting to people on the interweb and polishing my guns whilst listening to the voices, same as many other nights - nothing much special about Fridays.

"I find your lack of faith... disturbing"

I will never date anyone's mother or ex-wife, although many of my closest friends are divorced/single women with kids - well, apart from one who is married. Go figure.

I actually like some kids a lot, but all the vacancies for other peoples kids in my life are currently full.

...you have completely taken leave of your senses?
...in that you think I seem awesome...
...and you are easily as awesome...
...you know where I stole all my quotes...
...or you need someone reliable to team up with to survive the coming zombie apocalypse...
...or you have interesting hair...
...or a motorbike...

...or if you are The One.

C'mon, gimme a break, I should think that if you've read this far you ought to know beyond a shadow of doubt whether or not you should message me.

At the risk of stating what ought to be patently obvious, as a mixed race man I am extremely open to meeting mixed race women/women of colour.

Seriously though, please take a few minutes to re-read my profile. Then look at my photos again. Go on, take your time - and while you're about it, just go over your own profile again, and compare/contrast. Okay, now, do you still think messaging me would be anything other than a waste of your time?

If you do reckon it would be a good idea, and you fancy someone to go for a drink with, or for a meal, or to the cinema or an art gallery or whatever, AND if you're local enough that we could be doing one of these things within half an hour or so of making a phone call to arrange it, go ahead, make my day. Punk.

Right, brutal honesty time, some practical application - with considerable reluctance (because apparently having 'shopping lists' of any kind on these sites is supposed to be the kiss of death) I'm going to have to be utterly blunt at his point, and restate the ONLY things that I consider 100% non-negotiable 'dealbreakers' (and purely because to date no one who has contacted me to date seems to have taken them on board at all)

I've never been married or even had a relationship that could have gone there and I've never had or really wanted children as a result. So, if you have been previously married and/or have had children of your own then you're at a very different place in life to me and it's simply not going to work.

I believe the only way to get to know someone properly (and well enough to know if you really want to spend more time with them) is by meeting up and getting to know them face to face. If we're not geographically close enough that we could socialise fairly easily/regularly/frequently without it being a major mission then it's a non-starter.

Ok, that's a wrap - move along, nothing more to see here, you can go about your business.

"You now have... three minutes... to reach minimum safe distance..."