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30 M Burbank, CA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:05pm
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Graduated from masters program
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type

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My self-summary
My name is Dan. I'm from Washington and moved to LA about a year ago. I'm an administrator at a trade school in Hollywood. I've come on OkCupid to be shamelessly objectified by hordes of women.

Well, go on. Start objectifying!

In terms of looks, I am the 8th most attractive man on OkCupid. Please message me if you're the 8th most attractive woman. Or if you're the 9th most attractive woman but are open to arranging an unfortunate accident for one of the women above you. Or if you're the 7th most attractive woman but are willing to date down because you lack a proper dowery*

The last thing I'll say is that, to save money, I share this account with my 86 year old grandfather, Leland. If I comment on your killer gams or invite you out to hear Glenn Miller, that's probably Leland. Just ignore him and he'll eventually doze off.

*This is, of course, a joke. A bountiful dowery will be required.
What I’m doing with my life
Fuck you, OkCupid! You're not my real dad!

(Update: I have been informed that the website OkCupid is, in fact, my biological father. I would like to formally apologize for all previous comments to the contrary and invite OkCupid to come watch videos of all my high school plays.)

(Update: The above revelation has not affected my relationship with Leland, as he is my maternal grandfather. He thanks you for your concern and compliments your gams.)
I’m really good at
Drinking wine out of the mouths of homeless people who have fallen asleep mid-swallow.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Watership Down, World War Z, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Ovid's Metamorphoses, Scientific Progress Goes Boink

The Thing, Star Trek, Step Brothers, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Toy Story, Troll 2

Louie, It's Always Sunny, Lost, Fringe, Breaking Bad, Colbert

The New Pornographers, Green Day, Great Big Sea, The Beatles, The Strokes

Pad See-Ew, most anything Mexican
The six things I could never do without
1) The Three Ninjas
2) The Three Amigos
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why did Launchpad abandon the Ducktales family to go hang out with Darkwing Duck? Do they keep in touch? Are they okay without him?
On a typical Friday night I am
going to a movie theater that serves beer. Then pretending I'm at a regular movie theater and feeling super badass for having snuck in a beer.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I once had to hide from Italian police under a bridge for an hour. It's kind of a long story.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–32
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You're fun, kind, sweet, adventurous, funny and lovely. And if you don't mind that my profile's kind of silly. And if you have 16 thousand dollars I can borrow.