Due to the surprisingly high number of recurring questions, I have sorted my self description into an FAQ format.
Q: Something seems...inconsistent in your description.
A: I chose the "athletic" body type because Sumo wrestling is technically a sport. The money's great, but I mainly do it because I love being lathered in baby oil.
Q: Do you work out?
A: I can do two chin-ups*, so I'd say so.
Q: I want your body.
A: That's not a question, but I'm not a piece of meat, ladies.
Q: If you only got ONE song at a karaoke bar, what would you choose?
A: I'd flip a coin, because I'm between "Somebody to Love" by Queen or "You Oughtta Know" by Alanis Morissette. I'm a serenader at heart.*
*If we're duetting, the ONLY option is "A Whole New World" by Aladdin and Jasmine. Dibs on Jasmine's part.
Q: Is it true what they say about your bedroom abilities?
A: Who are "they"? And yes. If they were complimentary...
Q: Will you actually divulge any real information about yourself in your profile?
A: That karaoke question was real life.
Fine, I'll tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a Chicago-born, Texas-raised film school graduate with aspirations of writing for TV. Always working on something to get me one step closer. Right now, I'm developing a web series and taking improv classes (who isn't though, right?).
And while I miss Texas, it's honestly mostly just the fact that my dogs are there at my parents' house. If you have an adorable puppy, it will be at SERIOUS risk of a belly rub from this guy. I'm only human.
I'm easy to have fun with. Always down for adventures, including but not limited to: laser tag, bowling, mini golf, arcades, Rock Band, karaoke, time travel, comedy shows at UCB, stand-up shows, Disney marathons, open mics, concerts, freeze tag, horror movie nights, blanket fort construction, dog-walking, theme parks, sporting events, pizza parties, food fights, drum circles, saving the whales, hunting whales, visiting Wales, deciphering wails...you name it!