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28 Chicago, IL Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 10:48pm
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body type
Strictly anything
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Has dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Ari is probably the greatest person in existence for many reasons. Men simply crumble under his steady gaze. His beard can warm bodies with a single nuzzle. Ari is gentle like a bear cub who won’t claw off your face because you’re hugging it too tightly."

Sheepishly riding the fence between a cantankerous old shit and a wide-eyed child.

Quirky. Strange. Genuine. Kind. Genuinely kind. Crass, but not cruel. I want to cook for you. I want to read aloud and do crosswords with you.

I am Ignatius J. Reilly.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
• Homemade jams.
• Wednesday night steak and cocktails.
• Coffee and cigarettes and crosswords.
• Bacon pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes.
• Aspiring to be more like Teddy Roosevelt.

Doing the office/managerial bit at a security firm in the south loop. I'm also one-half of a creative team working on putting out their own comic book (I does the writing, he does the drawing).

After hours, you'll probably find me making dinner and having a beer with good people or getting down on some nerd shit.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
• Making strangers laugh.
• Cooking.
• Talking shit.
• Turning dollar bills into art (

I've been told that I would be wasting my life if I didn't pursue a career in mathematics. I haven't.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm practically ursine.

I'm approachable and warm. Like, not cold. You'll probably want to steal all my heat.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors: Bukowski, Camus, Gogol, Toole, Hemingway, Kundera, Carver, Faulkner, R.L. Stine, Brautigan, Salinger, Vonnegut.

Movies: High Fidelity, Super Troopers, Wayne's World, Clerks, Waking Life, Stand By Me, The Sandlot, The Big Lebowski, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, Wings of Desire, Midnight in Paris, Ghost World, The Room, Amadeus, Harold and Maude.

Television: Arrested Development, The Venture Bros., It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, No Reservations, Iron Chef, Ninja Warrior, Arthur, Eastbound & Down, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Boardwalk Empire, Whitest Kids U'Know, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Trailer Park Boys.

Music: The Adicts, Black Flag, Bill Callahan, Brand New, The Clash, Coheed and Cambria, Damien Jurado, Dirty Projectors, The Dodos, Japandroids, Menomena, Misfits, Modest Mouse, Netural Milk Hotel, The New Pornographers, Noah and the Whale, Oh No! Oh My!, Pedro the Lion, Pinback, Pixies, Rites of Spring, Rilo Kiley, The Smiths, The Specials, Sunny Day Real Estate, Vendetta Red, WHY?, Wolf Parade.

Food: Basically everything that isn't moldy cheese, most seafood, or jellied pork tongue loaf.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Cheerleader.
2) So-and-So.
3) What's-Her-Face.
4) The Ugly One.
5) Thompson.
6) Mrs. Commanderson.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
• Far-fetched schemes that would allow me to come into a good deal of wealth and subsequently homestead forever and ever and ever, amen.
• What people would look like bald (pre-balds excluded).
• How morbid it is that people regularly produce and eat a candy shaped like tiny humans.
• How anyone could possibly work up the nerve to take a shit on an airplane.

Certainly nothing too serious.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I usually work Friday evenings and then head out to see friends wherever parking is the easiest (because taking the 'L' is for subhumans). You know I think you're cool if I'm willing to hop on the CTA to see you. That's only a half-joke.

I don't get bar-hopping, but I do it. I have to be the right amount of drunk to get into some karaoke but then it's Billy Idol the rest of the night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I honestly believe that the Jay-Z/Linkin Park mash-up album is God's gift to mankind.

I sort of hate people.

I still make prank phone calls.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to be read to sleep.

You'd like to exchange mail or music - or music via mail.

You fucking love Brad Neely.

You wanna do old people stuff.