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28 Chicago, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21-28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
Middle Eastern, White
Relationship Type
5' 10" (1.78m)
Body Type
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
Has dogs and Has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Ari is probably the greatest person in existence for many reasons. Men simply crumble under his steady gaze. His beard can warm bodies with a single nuzzle. Ari is gentle like a bear cub who won’t claw off your face because you’re hugging it too tightly."

First-generation American who grew up in a restaurant and subsequently loves to cook for others. Quirky. Strange. Genuine. Kind. Genuinely kind. Crass but not cruel. Perpetual night owl, for better or worse.

I am Ignatius J. Reilly (according to my older sister).
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
• Homemade fruit jams.
• Coffee and cigarettes and crosswords.
• Bacon pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes.

Office Manager for a security firm in the south loop. Also, half of a creative team working on putting out our own comic book. Maybe you've seen us at C2E2!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
• Making strangers laugh.
• Cooking.
• Talking shit.
• Turning dollar bills into art (

I'm waiting for my niece to be old enough to do fun shit with for me to add 'Being an uncle.' to this list.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm practically ursine.

I'm approachable and warm. Like, not cold. You'll probably want to steal all my heat.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors: Bukowski, Camus, Gogol, Toole, Hemingway, Kundera, Carver, Faulkner, R.L. Stine, Brautigan, Purdy.

I buy more books than I read lately - there's just something about the smell of a used bookstore that makes my wallet open. Suggest female authors - my exposure has been minimal.

Movies: High Fidelity, Super Troopers, Wayne's World, Clerks, The Sandlot, The Big Lebowski, The Royal Tenenbaums, Wings of Desire, Ghost World, The Room, Amadeus, Harold and Maude.

Television: Arrested Development, The Venture Bros., It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, 30 Rock, No Reservations, Iron Chef, Ninja Warrior, Arthur, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Boardwalk Empire, Whitest Kids U'Know, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Trailer Park Boys, Silicon Valley, Rick and Morty.

Music: Black Flag, Bill Callahan, Brand New, The Clash, The Dodos, Japandroids, Menomena, Misfits, The New Pornographers, Noah and the Whale, Pedro the Lion, Pinback, Pixies, Rites of Spring, The Smiths, The Specials, Sunny Day Real Estate, Vendetta Red, WHY?, Wolf Parade.

Food: Basically everything that isn't moldy cheese, most seafood, or jellied pork tongue loaf. Turkish, Thai, Cuban, Indian. Breakfast for every meal (but especially dinner).
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Cheerleader.
2) So-and-So.
3) What's-Her-Face.
4) The Ugly One.
5) Thompson.
6) Mrs. Commanderson.

Maybe Homsar. Definitely not Strong Sad.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
• Far-fetched schemes that would allow me to come into a good deal of wealth and subsequently homestead forever and ever and ever, amen.

• How morbid it is that people regularly produce and eat a candy shaped like tiny humans.

• How anyone could possibly work up the nerve to take a shit on an airplane.

Certainly nothing too serious.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Getting together with friends to play board/video games (Settlers, Smash Bros., the occasional bit of Magic, etc.), make a big dinner, and open some nice beer. Staying in with the roommates or a few hours on the stoop with a Dark and Stormy and a pack of smokes are never out of the question either.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I went over my data cap playing 'Monster Mash' multiple times a day for two weeks.

I still make prank phone calls.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to be read to sleep.

You'd like to exchange mail or music - or music via mail.

You fucking love Brad Neely.

You wanna do old people stuff.

You have the biggest dog.

The smell of lilacs and fresh mint make you feel a certain kinda way.

Jeri's Diner is your spirit animal.