I keep Moët et Chandon in my pretty cabinet. Wait no, that was somebody else.

I like to watch. No, not like that.
I'm an observer, an experiencer, and a thinker.

In the philosophical sense, I am the monk and the yogi. I am not the fakir, because that shit is wack.

In the symbolic sense, I am the hanged man, the hermit, and the fool.
And the knight of cups. That guy is way sweet.
I don't believe in Tarot, though; I just like symbols.

In the physical sense, I'm some nerd from the internet who doesn't get enough sleep.

I'm a big, gigantic, enormous introvert. More so than anyone I've ever met.
Opening up to me helps me open up to you.
I analyze and contemplate everything, constantly, which means I also space out or daydream a lot; I live within my mind, and it's awesome in here, man. You don't even know.

I'm extremely chill, and relatively zen. I have unusual priorities, and so far I've always had unusual romantic relationships as well.

I don't take my life very seriously, because life is the only thing there is. It's there until it's not, and as the only thing, bears no import on anything else.

Beneath my serene exterior, my passion churns in darkness. Much of it is directed inwardly.
Some of it I focus, externally, into a laser beam of sorts, which, along with dynamite, is guaranteed to blow your mind. Any time.

I've been accused of Nihilism, Epicureanism, Absurdism, and Buddhism. I don't identify in any of those ways, but they're not bad approximations.

More enthralling stuff about me:

My MBTI assessment is INTP and my enneagram type is 5 with a 4 wing, if that means anything to you.

I share a birthday with Chuck Norris. Does this make me cool? You bet.
Also with Osama bin Laden. Does this make me a terrorist? I don't know, ask "a high-ranking, informed official". Zing! Politics!

I have a terrible sense of direction/spatial awareness, and you'll find it hilarious until you want me to meet you somewhere.

I have the same number of piercings as I have tattoos. This is probably less exciting than how you're imagining it.

I hate spiders and centipedes. I'm not too big on mushrooms either.
If only I had a trackball.

I'm slightly picky about forming new romantic relationships. I just have to really like you. However, there's a huge and often-eclectic assortment of traits and features that attract me.

I am emotionally calm and ideologically turbulent.
I am cynical but imaginative.
I am probably smarter than I appear, but possibly not as smart as I think I am.

Note: I currently identify as "mostly asexual" (Gray-A). If you're interested I'd be happy to give specifics, but basically what it means is that I'm probably not super-interested in having sex with you super-often. No offense.

Note the second: My dance card is currently pretty full; I'm open to meeting new people, but please don't expect me to be able to drop everything and run away with you.

I don't believe in myself.
That doesn't mean I lack self-confidence, but rather that I don't think I exist, as a 'self', in the same way that I feel I exist. Which is to say, as an entity.
Instead, I am a phenomenon. The human experience is one of becoming which feels like being.
So to answer the question, I have no life.
In more ways than one.

I deliver sandwiches to make money, then I use the money to buy gas, and then I use the gas to deliver sandwiches.

The rest of my time is spent smashing paradigms and monocles. Quietly. Examining dualities and re-framing them as equivalencies. Thinking and feeling. Thinking about feeling. Feeling about thinking.
Being myself, being other people, being alone, and being with other people.

My life's goal is inner peace, contentment, wisdom, and joy.

Not knowing what is even happening right now, parentheses, video games, typing quickly, procrastination, multiple choice tests, filling out my OkCupid profile, awkward silence, being patient about all those annoying things you probably do, memorization, whistling, remaining calm, paying with exact change, Rock-paper-scissors, winning arguments, and eating a surprising amount of food.

I've been described by multiple people as "a strange combination of awkward and confident."

I'm singing in my car.

I'm weird.

"When I read your profile I got legitimately angry about how pretentious and flat out hipster you are."

B-dawgs: Horror, fantasy, sci-fi, philosophy, anything ergodic, anything beautiful, anything culturally meaningful.
Favorite book: The picture of Dorian Gray.
Favorite comic: The Sandman (Neil Gaiman).
Favorite poem: Kubla Khan: Or, A Vision in a Dream. A fragment.

M-vizzles: Anything bizarre, retro, funny, artsy, or disturbing.
Favorite movie: Sweet Jesus, I have no idea.

S-money: History, Discovery, old cartoons, new cartoons, artsy, funny, nerdy, silly.
Favorite show: Holy Odin, I have no idea. Adventure Time, maybe.

M-zizzles:
http://www.pandora.com/station/play/902682802909578267
http://www.pandora.com/station/play/887743360465863707

Among numerous others.

F-train: Sushi, and anything affordable that tastes good.

I'm not a vegetarian or a vegan, and I probably never will be, but in case you are, I will respect your choice, as long as you respect mine.

Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, the internet, coffee.

Then,

Perception, reason, emotion, creativity, communication, life.

Perception, reason, emotion, creativity, communication, life.

Death, time, art, science, truth, knowledge, belief, people, other animals, culture, history, rules, ethics, priorities, aesthetics, kink, physics, philosophy, psychology, coffee.

How often it happens that someone is intentionally trying to make a spoonerism, but accidentally makes one at the same time, and the words come out sounding normal.

What my Wikipedia page is going to say in 100 years.

I spend a weirdly large amount of time thinking about History Channel documentaries, and how they subtly use language and cinematics to portray figures as heroes and villains, even if the conflict is trivial or non-existent.

Reading Wikipedia. Posting in forums. Outside talking to squirrels. Inside helping my dog play practical jokes on my cat.

Partying by myself or partying with other people.

Sometimes I dress up in the skinniest possible jeans and go outside to see how many dirty looks I can get.

Sometimes I almost forget that I have a physical body, which is supposed to be doing things in the physical world.

I'm terrified of death.

I think Dr. Who is kind of overrated. Let's fight about it.

I've got the moves like Jagger.

You are weird.

I'm particularly interested in weirdos, but if you're a boring, normal square, that's okay too. I never judge, you damn dirty square.

Message me if you're curious about something. If you're mad about something I put in my profile and you want to fight over the internet.

If you have a good (or bad) joke to tell (so I can steal it). If you want to play Settlers of Catan, Carcassonne or other board games. If you want to discuss pretentious, philosophical things or engage in fruitless sophistry.

If you are eloquent, hilarious, kind, clever, chill, friendly, unusual, confident, or some combination thereof.

If you are a scientist, an artist, a feminist, a hedonist, a thinker, a hipster, a nerd, a hero(ine), or a villain(ess).

If life has scarred but not embittered you.

The above are all just suggestions. You should do it regardless. Do it.
But not if you're really into Jesus.

Most of all, message me if you want to reveal yourself to me. No, not like that. I want to know what's really going on in there. Let's realtalk.