I was so wrapped up in trying to create a persona of toughness, independence and indestrucibility that I actually became a loner who scared people, a monstrous birth, and all this left me with was time to be bitter and bide. Being edgy loses a lot of its luster when you're a pariah, and being a drug addict is less cool when you're digging through garbage to find a piss test. I've realized now (or relearned) that life requires interdependence, and at least putting on the facade of emotional sensitivity to other people and social conformance to a degree.
I believe I live in the land of second chances, and that my former sins shouldn't curtail my chance of happiness. So now I must rebuild.