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36 M Adelaide, Australia

My Details

Last Online
Today – 6:31am
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Agnosticism, and very serious about it
Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
Working on space camp
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Mostly harmless.


In more than a year on this site I have yet to so much as form a friendship with a single person in spite of several profile rewrites and trying numerous different approaches. Everyone I ever talk to either loses interest (fair enough) or, and this is the frustrating part, is incredibly bad at replying. They go offline for weeks at a time, the conversation drags, they give two word responses to multi-paragraph messages, weeks turn into months where we STILL haven't so much as met up for coffee, and I start to wonder if anyone on here actually has the time in their life to meet anyone ever. I can't keep propping interactions up like this. Contact me if you actually plan to talk, and, assuming we get on okay, you would like to meet in person BEFORE the universe dies of heat death. Let's not waste each other's time.


Profile resumes.

I could write forever and still this would be incomplete, but it's interesting to try.

Edit based on recent feedback: I'll talk to pretty much anyone who isn't a bigot, a moron, or a religious fundamentalist so long as you're actually willing to communicate.

Are you:
An introverted basket case who just wants some company now and then?
A crazy ratbag looking for someone to corrupt?
A bit of an idiot?
Experiencing a shortage of massage and cuddles?
A sweet, gentle person who wants someone with whom to marvel at the wonders of the world?
An avid movie watcher who would like a body warming the couch next to you as you watch?
Simply bored and horny?
I'm looking for all these and more!

I am: Multifaceted ~ Loyal ~ Weird ~ Honest ~ Intense ~ Kinky ~ Uninhibited ~ Open-minded ~ Crazy ~ Rational ~ Tactile ~ Affectionate ~ Romantic ~ Non-judgmental ~ Thrifty ~ Generous ~ Kind ~ Verbose ~ Hilarious ~ Idealistic ~ Intense ~ Inappropriate ~ Communicative ~ Aspergic ~ Literal ~ Oblivious ~ Polyamourous ~ Random ~ Impulsive ~ Passionate ~

I like: kissing, reading, crotch watching, intimacy, intensity, imagination, being taken out of my comfort zone.
I hate: homophobia, slut shaming, transphobia, liars, prejudice, discrimination, dehumanizing mainstream porn.

There are always exceptions to everything, except when there are not.

Logical contradictions drive me absolutely crazy.

I talk a lot about other people. This doesn't mean I prefer them over you, I just think about people a heck of a lot.

I like to go clubbing but it doesn't rule my life.
I like romance but I'm not averse to casual sex (and vice versa).
I value spelling but I also like to type like an idiot sometimes.
I can be, like, totes intellectual and shit.

I have zero interest in Harry Potter but I find Potterheads entertaining and endearing, along with members of fandoms in general. It's cool to be passionate about stuff. Geek on!

I love thermometers, mirrors, LEDs, scales, photovoltaic cells, energy efficiency, and neodymium magnets. Seriously. Fucking magnets! Just be careful or they'll break your fingers, you skinny-fingered people.

I love the sound of road trains.

I sleep badly in my bed but well in cars.

I have strings of LEDs all over my house. They're pretty :3

I'm a child at heart. I bounce on beds, hide in boxes, climb trees, make elaborate banana splits, and run through sprinklers. But I can also be responsible. I'll put down my $800 phone before running through the sprinkler :D
Apparently I also giggle a lot.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Yeah, I like dad jokes. Don't judge me!

I love cold weather and hate hot weather. I overheat like crazy if I'm even slightly active, and I like to be active. I go ice skating in shorts and t-shirt and it's still too warm.
Also, cold weather makes for amazing cuddles!

I dislike the OkCupid question format. Just because I'll accept any answer a potential partner gives does NOT mean it's irrelevant, not at all! Different answers are important for different reasons. Likewise, if I consider an answer very important who is to say I mean that in the same way that the quiz assumes? Most of the questions practically force you to discriminate against people for NOT discriminating, unless you allow any/all answers, that is, and then it tells you off for being wishy-washy.

When I rate someone's profile am I supposed to be rating them based on their appeal to me? Their spit and polish? Their character and moral fibre?

I overthink things. A lot. Or do I? I'll think about it.

I dislike wearing shoes. Or clothes in general for that matter. But especially shoes.

I'm sad that my preferred username of WhovianDebauchery is two characters longer than is permitted :(

Cigarettes are vile. I don't much care if you smoke them when not around me but do not approach me if you reek of them and DO NOT let your smoke get on me. That shit is disgusting. If you do, I don't think we can be friends. Sorry, not sorry.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to figure it all out. People be CRAZY, yo!

Trying to find those few rare people who make me believe that maybe the human race isn't completely fucked.

Exploring myself and my relationships with other people. Trying to broaden my horizons.

I have things to see and people to do!

I have very little keeping me where I am, and as such I'm quite open to the possibility of moving just about anywhere in Australia for a really good match. That being said, I hate the heat.
I’m really good at
-Giving sensual massages.
-Writing D/s erotica, apparently.
-Being honest.
-Befriending ALL the cats.
-Making silly people think I'm gay just by being me.
-Catching things before they hit the ground.
-Hugs. I'm Adelaide's free hugs guy and I get great reviews. The world needs more hugs.
-Making people feel comfortable.
-Making people feel uncomfortable, usually by accident.
-Spotting sexual innuendo in conversation whether or not it's actually there.

I'm really BAD at:
-Being on time.
-Remembering where the hell I parked my car.
-Picking up on body language and subtext.
-Related: Understanding people. They're all fucking crazy! Wait, does that mean I do understand them? o.O
-Completing things. I have a bad habit of getting to ~95% completion and then stopping for no apparent r
-Remembering things. I'm terrible with names and faces, and if I don't get to know someone pretty well to begin with then I'm liable to forget anything and everything we've ever spoken about, although I do remember feelings. So, good communication early on is VITAL.
The first things people usually notice about me
My top hat & the fact that I look and act a decade or so younger than I am.

People tend to badly misjudge me based on my behaviour in a specific type of situation (at a club, a party, a gay rights rally, etc.) and assuming I'm always like that. Not so. Again, multifaceted.

I can also come across as very negative when in fact I'm being realistic. Misguided attempts to 'cheer me up' with unfounded optimism will annoy the hell out of me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Food: PIZZA! I adore it. Truly it is the food of the nonexistent gods. Also yiros, Italian, and Chinese fried rice.

I dislike spicy, chilli, sweet & sour, barbecue, capsicum, and brussels sprouts. Other than that I'll try just about anything, and a personal favourite is grilled cheese and banana on toast. People who are squeamish or hesitant about trying new foods, or new combinations of existing foods, puzzle me greatly.

TV: Doctor Who (duh), Game of Thrones, The Big Bang Theory, Red Dwarf, Elfen Lied, Battlestar Galactica, and Firefly, plus various others. I'm very picky with my shows and haven't watched broadcast TV for many years - I refuse to be subjected to commercials and inflexible viewing schedules. Also, I much prefer having company when I watch movies & TV shows.

Games: I'm first and foremost a PC gamer but some games are simply better on console - fighting games, driving games, beat-em-ups, etc. I do not play MMOs. MMOs are evil things which suck the life from people. I mostly game when I'm bored. It's certainly not an obsession, although I do get impassioned about it.
(PC) Deus Ex, Unreal Tournament, Civilization 4, Fallout 3 / Fallout: New Vegas, Killing Floor, TimeShift, Vampire - The Masquerade: Bloodlines, Slay.
(Xbox (360)) Dead or Alive series.
(DS) Tetris DS.
(Wii) Mortal Kombat: Armageddon, Top Spin 3, Tiger Woods golf.
(PS3) Sony is evil. EVILLLLLLLL!
Xbone: lolno.

Books: eBook user here. Why do so many people hate on them? I read on my phone or, more commonly, my Nexus 7.
I'm working my way through Larry Niven's entire collection, and I enjoy horror and science fiction in general, plus Jean M. Auel's Earth's Children series.
A few favourites: Dragon's Egg & Starquake by Robert L. Forward, Weapon & Solo by Robert Mason, Prey by Michael Crichton, Einstein's Bridge by John Cramer, The Doomsday Effect by Thomas Wren, and The Opoponax Invasion.

Well now, this is interesting. Almost every singer I like is female, and almost every actor I like is male. Also, nearly all my friends are female (and many of those are gay or asexual). I wonder what that says about me.

I love music so much. It brings me to tears in the most wonderful way.
I have a decent range of tastes: celtic, dance, pop, rock, some classical, some metal, etc.
Mostly I listen to things I can dance to in clubs: Pink, Lady Gaga, Wynter Gordon, Rihanna, Cascada, Ke$ha, Basshunter, Skrillex, Scooter, and Katy Perry.
Others I like include Loreena McKennitt, Metallica, Ludovico Einaudi, Leonard Cohen, Pink Floyd, Foreigner, Sting, Black Sabbath, Christy Moore, Nickelback, Mika, Aqua, Pet Shop Boys, Sia, and many more.

I love music videos with slutty-looking women in them, like Ke$ha. Yum.

I often like to listen to one song over and over and over and over and...yeah. I've probably watched the video for Starstrukk more than five hundred times in two weeks.

I think Inception is highly overrated.

Actors: Jim Carrey, Jackie Chan, Johnny Depp, Nicolas Cage, Hugh Jackman, Eddie Murphy, Morgan Freeman, Robin Williams, Adam Sandler, Tim Curry, Jason Statham, Vin Diesel

Genres: science fiction / action / comedy / drama / animated / thriller / tearjerker / horror / cheesy b-movies

Foreign: Death Note, Raja Hindustani, The City of Lost Children, Potiche, La Belle Verte, Mädchen Mädchen (Girls On Top), Amelie

Animated: The Secret World of Arrietty, Chicken Run, Monster, Inc., Finding Nemo, WALL-E, Ghost in the Shell, the Shrek trilogy, the Ice Age movies, Bolt, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Cars, Cars 2, Despicable Me, How to Train Your Dragon, Tangled

Comedy: Orgazmo, Happy Gilmore, 50 First Dates, George of the Jungle, Bruce Almighty, Evan Almighty, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Brewster's Millions, Johnny English, Shaun of the Dead, Run, Fatboy, Run, Little Nicky, Malcolm, Elvira, Iron Sky (funniest movie I've ever seen!)

Horror: Jeepers Creepers, Event Horizon, Nosferatu

The rest: Thor, Iron Man, The Avengers, the first three Terminator movies as the fourth one SUCKED, Duel, The Matrix, The Fifth Element, Soldier, Chocolat...hmmm...Johnny Depp so dreamy..., Red Dog (bawwww!), Aliens, Gladiator (such a great soundtrack), The Poseidon Adventure (the original was best), Kick-Ass, 300, Lost & Delirious, Kill Bill, Killer Tongue, Girlfight, Gattaca, The Wedding Singer, Flight of the Navigator, The Neverending Story, Bridge to Terabithia, The Truman Show, The Abyss, Equilibrium, Donnie Darko, Death Race, Dark City, The Thirteenth Floor, City of Ember, Pitch Black, Pirates of the Caribbean 1 & 2 - 3 & 4 not so much, Planet Terror / Death Proof, Patch Adams, The Princess Bride (as you wish!), The Rage in Placid Lake, Moulin Rouge!, Minority Report, Misery, Mad Max 2 and 3 (the first one is just too damn slow), Small Soldiers, Austin Powers trilogy, Judge Dredd, Innerspace, Highlander, Groundhog Day, Westworld, Explorers, Edward Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Cube, Bring It On, Bogus, Bloodsport, Blast from the Past, Batteries Not Included, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

And that's the cut-down list!

I bawled my eyes out watching Bridge to Terabithia in the cinema, and was still crying ten minutes after I left. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen. Much the same with The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
The six things I could never do without
Freedom. Of mind, of body, of expression.
The ability to connect with people.
Shiny things.
The Game of Thrones theme music.
Fuck your arbitrary numerical restrictions!
Also, pizza.

A lot of people put 'sex' on here but that would be a bit silly for me as I've gone most of my life without it, albeit not necessarily by choice.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Just how honest I can be here before I scare everyone off.

I think waaaaay too much and would love someone to talk to so I can not think so much, or at least think in a better direction.

Other stuff I think about: philosophy, the (lack of) meaning of life, psychology, how much it sucks that karma isn't real, obsessing over mistakes, the crazy behaviour of 'normal' people, and nice things to do for the important people in my life. Efficiency. Usability. Language & communication. Utopia. Sex. Banana milkshakes.

How people will provide information based almost entirely on how it's asked, for example how so many on here will publicly share their masturbation habits and sexual proclivities when almost none of them would put such information directly on their profile or any other public space.

Why my phone has no signal, then a minute later it has full signal when I'm still in the same location...

Why people, women mostly, who are of perfectly average height think they're super short.

How unfair it is that a woman need do nothing more than put up a basic profile with the bare minimum of details and one bad photo then sit back and wait for the messages to come rolling in, while a guy of the same age and general attractiveness could spend hours putting together a well-thought-out profile complete with several good photos, and then go completely ignored for weeks.

Why people answer questions on here so strangely. Why they give a factually wrong answer (the earth is larger than the sun) and specify that others must put the same wrong answer. Why they answer that, say, science is more important than faith, but that other people must NOT give the same answer. Are they crazy? Are they looking for someone simply to argue with? MY BRAIN GO ALL 'SPLODEY!

Why two thirds of the people who look at my profile are randoms from Asia with whom I have incredibly poor compatibility.

Why people are arseholes.

Why why why?
On a typical Friday night I am
Ice skating, clubbing, LANning, or mocking the crazy street preachers in Rundle Mall.

Browsing the more well-written profiles on this site. Some of them are amazing, and I always feel compelled to tell the owners so!
Tip: honesty, adventurousness and humour will always get me :)
If your profile makes me burst out laughing, that's pretty much a guaranteed four star rating right there.

Making the world a better place, brightening the day of a random stranger. Join me, and together we'll be unstoppable!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like catgirls. Like, a lot.

I lost my virginity at age 35.

When I see cute things I squee like a teenage girl.

I once decided to kill myself, then changed my mind.

The words 'butthole' and 'twatwaffle' amuse me.

I identify very strongly with movie scenes about trust and protection, like with a strong person protecting someone weak or vulnerable, and the bond they end up sharing. These scenes make me bawl my eyes out.

I'm semi-paranoid (it's not really paranoia if it's justified).

I am continually amazed that women on here will red flag you for NOT caring about what they do with their pubic hair. Seriously? It matters that much to you that I have an opinion on your crotch styling? Well since I'm here, landing strips are kind of lame. They make you look like a tacky American porn star, which is a huge turn-off.

I'm a brony.

I am nearly always serious, ESPECIALLY when I'm joking. This isn't actually a contradiction; I make it sound like I'm joking when in fact I'm being completely serious. Most people don't get it. Do you?

I may have masturbated to your photos.

I'm an intensely emotional person at times, and extremely cold and aloof at others. This has both positives and negatives. I'll probably end up either really liking you, being completely indifferent to you, or not being able to stand your presence.

Sometimes I really, really need a shoulder to cry on, and I don't have one.

Too much?

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"

Love and friendship are the driving forces in my life. There is nothing I wouldn't do for those few people close to my heart. I need people in my life who can appreciate this, and ideally share it.

I dislike many people, but hate few. Even those who have screwed me over and betrayed me, I know there is much good they can do.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–39
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
The more of these the better:

You appreciate good spelling and punctuation, you can correctly use 'your' and 'you're', and you agree that 'ur' and 'ppl' are abominations, not words. In short, be at least as good at English as my ex's twelve year old kid. This is actually rarer than you might think.

You're a catgirl.

You're weird, slightly insane, broken, or fucked in the head.

You like no-strings-attached massages and cuddles.

You use bigger words and/or you're smarter than me.

You go "nawwwww" when you see cute things.

You're sex-positive and hate slut shaming.

You're LGBTQIALMNOP-friendly and supportive

You think my profile should be longer.

You dislike cliches and stereotyping.

You don't believe in karma, or that "everything happens for a reason."

You don't describe yourself as "having morals and values." That always seems to mean "I have all sorts of irrational prejudices and hang-ups."

You don't believe "tradition" is a valid excuse for perpetuating harmful behaviour.

You don't smoke, don't want/have small children, aren't a vegan crusader, and don't get pushy with astrology, religion, psychics, faith healers, or any related or similar bullshit.

You don't keep going unreachable for a week or more at a time. COMMUNICATE!

I'm generally attracted to weird, outrageous, highly intelligent women much younger than myself as those my age tend to be BORING. If you're the exception to the norm, feel free to apply within.

Beyond that...I love linguistic creativity, enthusiasm, nerdiness, honesty, and hilarity. And the Oxford comma. And sentences beginning with 'and.'

If you're brilliant, crazy, outrageous, manic, hilarious, wide-eyed with wonder, and don't smoke, I'll probably love you to bits.