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25 M Fair Oaks, CA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:57am
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Buddhism, but not too serious about it
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English, Danish

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My self-summary
I'm just on here looking for a girl who thinks I'm prettiest when I've just woke up in the morning with no make-up on, and someone who knows the difference between jelly and jam. I'm not afraid of wolves, although if I ever came face-to-face with a pack of wolves, I would probably be scared. I like lasagna and a few David Lynch movies. I also have a secret fantasy about a certain Lars Von Trier movie. No, Jesus, not that one.

I bring both the noise and the funk. Like this one time, I was on a job interview that wasn't going well. At the very end, when the guy was like, "Well, Paul, do you have any questions for me?" I just threatened to kill myself in an even, creepy monotone.

And now I'm the longest-serving fryboy at the Wendy's on 32nd Street.

Most nights you can find me alone, rutting away into an uncovered mattress. If you caught me at it, it might feel like spying on a randy bull spending itself against a tarpaulin-covered woodshed. You might be strangely turned on by it.

If you're into it, hit me up, we can do Snapchat like all the kids are doing these days, but be forewarned, snapping with me is like the equivalent of a seizure inducing Pokemon episode after smoking crystal meth at a Skrillex concert.

Brilliant. Flashing. Loins.
What I’m doing with my life
Playing League of Legends. Bronze V pro here btw.
I’m really good at
Driving semi-trucks through fast food restaurants, going through fast food restaurants in reverse, impersonating grief counselors and ballroom dancing.
The first things people usually notice about me
My classically handsome bone structure.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Once I read Thus Spoke Zarathustra, while watching 2001, with Twin Peaks going on in the background, accompanied by the Court of the Crimson King album and eating fishsticks. It was the single most profound event of my life. My knees buckled at the sheer significance. When I came to, I had changed. The world had changed.
The six things I could never do without
1. All the simoleans I have in the bank.
2. My ability to control the weather.
3. Balvenie.
4. Lars von Trier.
6. The Deep Web
On a typical Friday night I am
Drinking and burning bridges.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
All roses have their thorns, and nothing I changed or added made it any better.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–35
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You want to drink some craft beer and watch the sunset in Minecraft.