Rather than be cliche here are some random thoughts that I believe may provide some insight into myself. It's either that or avoid being cliche by listing myself as humorless, apathetic, lethargic, dangerously unhealthy, and very high strung.
- Every other wild animal retreats at the presence of humans, except geese. They will cross a road in the middle of rush hour traffic, and if you come across one in a park they will chase you away....unless you bribe them with bread. Geese are kind of the assholes of the animal kingdom.
- Why is some soap antibacterial and others aren’t? Isn’t the point of soap to be antibacterial? Why would I buy non-antibacterial soap? Regular soap really needs to up it’s game. Bush league regular soap, bush league.
- If I was given a time machine I think my only choice would be to use it stop tragedies and such Quantum Leap style, but not for personal gain mainly because I don't understand how things work. How exactly does electricity or the internal combustion engine work? I could go back in time, but I still wouldn't be able to invent the car or start Google. I'd just be sitting around in the past waiting for Ben Franklin to fly a kite and some guy to invent the Internet. I should have paid more attention in science class.
- If dogs ever evolved to speak human languages and entered into society how long do you think it would take them to understand that their poo isn't currency? It must be confusing for them....we stand behind them collecting it at every opportunity. They must think we covet it.
- I possess superior door etiquette. However, superior door etiquette has its drawback. While I open the car door for a woman, I'll also hold the door open for people leaving a building at the same time as me even if they are a few seconds from the door. I suspect at times the someone scurrying towards door thinks to him/herself "this guy's pushing the superior door etiquette too far, I think I just twisted my ankle scurrying towards the door...and why did I just describe my pace as a scurry?"
- I’ve never worn Ed Hardy (I’m proud of that fact so I had to find a way to work it in).
- When did mattress stores become the new Starbucks? There seems to be one on every corner nowadays.