I am not into yoga (or that bullsh*t t'ai chi). I am not training to run a dadgummed marathon. I don't speak umpteen different languages fluently. I have not traveled to every corner of this godforsaken planet. My life is not perfect. I am not perfect. That's the straight dope.
Now, I went into business for myself five years ago so I could be at home with my little boy and take care of my ailing mother. Unfortunately, my mother passed away last year, and that's left a big hole in my life. Plus, my pride 'n' joy is now in kindergarten, so he's not as dependent upon me as he used to be. Hmm, methinks it's time that I started dating again.
So, whaddaya say? Would you like to get together for a cup o' coffee and some conversation? Drop me a line. I'm a pretty easy-going cat. Sometimes I like doing this; sometimes I like doing that. And once in a while I like doing the other thing. I can't say that I have an ideal woman; I like all types. Naturally, I do have a few turn-offs: misandrists, elitist snobs, compulsive liars, narcissists, little white girls flashing effing gang signs... Ah, phooey! Let's keep this positive: La la la.
Alrighty then, if you don't mind, I am going to pray: Oh, Lord, please let me find a laid-back, half-way intelligent girl with A FUGGIN' SENSE OF HUMOR to hang out with. Thank you, Lord. You are the best. Ominus dominus. Amen.
Nationwide is on your side. Winston tastes good like a cigarette should. You're in good hands with Allstate... Does anybody even read this f*cking sh*t?