10. The farmer’s tan that you may have noticed in one or more of my photos was caused by excessive free time afforded to me because I have not met you yet. You should know, though, that as dorky as that tan may look, it can eventually be reversed.
9. Unlike the tan, the spot on my forehead is permanent. I am honestly not in a fight club. My mother always told me that it was a birthmark, but I suspect that my grandmother accidentally dropped me on my head.
8. Even though English is my second language, I will offer you a 45 minute massage when you beat me at Scrabble. However, if you are caught cheating, you will be punished by 30 seconds of intense tickling.
7. If we are SCUBA diving and you are being chased by a shark, you should know that I am highly experienced at rescuing my dive buddies from baby sharks attacks, and I will fiercely protect you from any baby shark onslaught.
6. Due to an unpleasant childhood experience, I don’t drink coffee so if you ask me to meet you for a coffee sometime I will have to decline (the coffee that is) even if I think you are cute, funny, and interesting.
5. I have always been a long term planner when it comes to achieving career goals and securing financial independence and I have been very good at those things …..but…. I prefer the excitement and uncertainty afforded by a structured flexibility and spontaneity with most things in life such as travelling on extended vacations or weekend getaways. I believe that this attitude makes achieving success inevitable with a certain level of unpredictability combined with the notation that things will always work out fine.
4. I am happy most of the time as long as I have enough food, good sleep, some exercise, and a little time with friends. That sort of sounds as if I’m a dog, huh? As long as I have those things, I will be laid back and flexible about most everything else.
3. I will be intrigued by you and we will get along if you are kind, generous, and non-judgmental. Bonus if you prefer experiences, travel, and the like over material possessions.
2. I must warn you that I may be turned off if you are toothless, have excessive body hair, or haven’t showered in a week. With that said, if I really, really like you then it might not matter so much if you haven’t bathed because your pheromones will drive me crazy.
1. Getting to know someone new is a process. I purposefully did not share too many details here because I believe it will be more fun to learn about each other when we meet. Once we have built our sense of mutual trust and respect with laughter, fun, and shared experiences, we will sell all of our worldly possessions, move to Ecuador to start our pineapple plantation, and have lots of sex to produce enough workers for the plantation.