EDIT: DOING SOME OF IT NOW!!!
I am a practicing telepath, on the run from the MindPolice (or MiPo as nobody calls them). I have a dog, Bowser, who is LORD OF THE KOOPAS, and obese as hell. I work as an office monkey, so I have pretty much peaked professionally. I like drinking things, unless they have bubbles, and I run cats over with vacuums because they are cantankerous things and I am bigger than them. So there. My best friend is Xena - we play Pokemon together.