[ah, yeah I know I picked a lame username..]

I'm not that good at writing about myself. I'm not very good at writing in general,i suppose. its easier for me to write about things that I'm detached from, but..i know I love studying things. like people and why things are the way they are. especially mental illness and things associated with that. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to art, whether it be drawing or painting. I like organizing things, I've taken whole days to just go through my computer and get rid of things & rename files if they didn't all match.. :)
ah, I've been told that i have some sort of awkward way about me and i suppose that's true, but i guess it's not a bad thing? I read; I play video games.
(Silent Hill, Heavy Rain, Left 4 Dead 2, Rock Band 2, Resident Evil, Green Day Rock Band, LittleBigPlanet, The Darkness, Monkey Island, Half-Life 2, Portal, BioShock, Fallout 3, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion...)

I dislike the word "whatever"...please don't say it.
I've grown to dislike indifference in both others and myself.
drugs, smoking, drinking...no thanks. I don't do any of those and I'd rather not be around someone who does. with drinking it's more like the going-out-and-getting-smashed drinking that I don't like. every once in awhile is fine.

I'm genderqueer. I've put my gender as female, otherwise there's a risk that I'd be dealing with men. but all that doesn't change the fact that i like women, bc I do. I consider myself as gay...I don't understand what's wrong with that. a lot of the time i don't feel I have any gender but if i had to pick, I'd say that my feelings lean towards being male. but mostly i can be both or none.

From My Facebook Profile:
i like lesbians.

hehe i forgot about that :]

I am affable, alone, and less than happy
(6.30.10) I am numb, isolated, and in love with sleep.

going to Chabot College

being shy, being ignored, drawing, being quiet, not eating, being negative, being friendly, tending to my dog, sleeping, being paranoid, wishing for things that i know will never come true, comparing myself to everyone else to see how terrible i am in comparison, reading a lot, being fascinated by libraries, hiding certain things that other people would either make fun of me for, pity me for or horrify them - take your pick. i can sing on Rockband 2 with my brother on guitar, scaring myself, not knowing what to say to girls which leads to making a fool out of myself

is that they arent sure what gender i am

Books:
The Bell Jar, Goth, A Clockwork Orange, Shutter Island, The Talisman, Bloodletting, Prozac Nation, Tipping the Velvet, Girl, Interrupted, Purge, A Scanner Darkly, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Wasted, Tweak, American Psycho

Films:
A Clockwork Orange, Fight Club, Bruno, The Happening, I Love Your Work, Spider, Boys Don't Cry, Requiem for a Dream, The Men Who Stare at Goats, Rushmore, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Living and the Dead, The People Under the Stairs, Amadeus, The Happening, All Over Me, A Scanner Darkly

Music:
Green Day, Senses Fail, Bayside, Billy Talent, City Sleeps, Akira Yamaoka, Lady GaGa, Coconut Records, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, The Used, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Jamestown Story, blink-182, JamisonParker, Bloc Party, Flight of the Conchords, Uh Huh Her, Tegan and Sara, Imogen Heap

Shows:
Dexter, Bored to Death, Battlestar Galactica, The Soup, The Office, Heroes, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Scrubs, The Colbert Report

music, creativity, sleep, my dog, horror, warmth

i think a lot about my current situation,whatever that may be. it changes too many times to file it under one category. i have to keep myself busy most of the time in order to stop myself from thinking.

a typical friday night.

hey, im a night.

there's a good reason why i like studying mental illness;

i've been diagnosed with major depression, anorexia and bulimia, borderline personality disorder, have terrible anxiety. and i impulsively cut off all my hair and now i wear wigs. sometimes.

update: my hair has now grown out. :)

you feel like it. or if you'd like to know more about me?