YOU SEE, MY DONATIONS and tireless work for The Baby Racoon Nursery Fund has seen to it that the newborn racoons' rooms are furnished with the finest Anne Geddes wallpaper, double-finished mahogany cribs and 60" flatscreen TVs, which were given to us for free by Samsung (provided that we encourage the Racoons to support their technologies).
YOU CANNOT IMAGINE THE JOY felt holding five or six baby racoons in your arms, as I had the pleasure of doing this morning in a dream I had. No, I haven't had the chance of living this fantasy in real life - yet - but as soon as the nursery finds two or three new racoon babes, well, you'll know where to find me.*
SOME PEOPLE ASK ME, are you a writer? The very question makes me laugh (loudly enough sometimes that the inquirer will be caused to step away backwards, slowly, hands at chest-level). The answer is yes. At least, if writing articles about leather culture for the The Cranston Medical Journal And Bi-Fortnight Times in Cranston, Rhode Island qualifies me, then sure I am, I tell people, wiping tears of mirth from my eyes all the while.
SOMETIMES I'LL BLACK OUT FOR DAYS and not remember what I've done, but open my fridge and find it full of sand. The sand flows out all over the kitchen floor, leaving me standing ankle-deep in a mountain of it.
*I'll be at The Baby Raccoon Nursery.