Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This profile is best viewed while listening to "I've got so much to
give" by Barry White, "Magic man" by Heart, and then maybe
"Physical" by Olivia Newton-John.
Don't message me if you answered yes to 'do you prefer to date
within your own race'. I can't even.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work as a programmer/researcher at a small tech startup in SoHo
that does large-scale data analytics, mostly for big evil banks.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Pressing elevator buttons with the tip of my umbrella and putting
the deck of cards back in the box in their original order.
Flirting with old ladies.
Freeing up my right hand when I need stuff from my left pant
Flinging toothpaste at the mirror
Getting along with people, even if they suck
Double-bouncing small children in bouncy castles
Growing the shittiest beards ever
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Long dreamy eyelashes you can get lost in. Also my big sturdy nose
which you can also get lost in.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I will not spend another minute of my life staring at this
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Dogs in the workplace
Really satisfying yawn-stretches
Sitting in a warm sunspot in a cool room
I realize this list makes me sound like I'd be perfectly happy with
a life as a domesticated pet.
I also really dig asymmetry.
Aw shit I forgot super buttery popcorn.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The Helvetica scenario
Will I ever get around to watching The Wire?
How are you supposed to hold your arms when you're going down
I will never truly get all my laundry done unless I go to the
My face would look good on a muppet
And seriously, who are all these ridiculously lame people who exist
on OKCupid, that seem to bombard females-of-whom-they-want-the-sex
with terrifyingly stupid messages, that people will sometimes blog
about (which I enjoy reading very much, thank you bloggers)? Are
these people that I know? WHO are these CRAZY people??
The lives of stock photo people
What I'd do in a Groundhog Day scenario. I come back to this a
Why trying to spin a basketball on my finger always results in me
punching the ball through the air.
Man, how the hell do these suspenders work and when am I ever
really going to use them?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Getting annoyed about having to put on pants to receive my seamless
Or maybe vacuuming cat hairs.
But definitely avoiding Friday-night crowds:
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm less clever in person.
I have a nasty habit of not finishing books. One day, Infinite
Jest, one day...
I'm secure enough in my manly-manman-ness to say I occasionally
like to be the little spoon.
There is a single hair that grows long on the right side of my
chest, and every few weeks I notice it, decide to yank it out, and
it just grows back and the cycle repeats. Now you know.
I feel a little sentimental when I replace my loofah.
I also like watching people tinder on the subway (I've tried
tinder, but I find it mind-numbingly boring).
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're ok with every once in a while--for about a week after
getting a haircut--me (occasionally) looking like Jim Carrey's
character in dumb & dumber.
Also, you're not afraid to be ambitious and intelligent. Hearing
about what you're into > seeing another selfie.
Also, send me funny internet links.
Also also, if you either have a not-bland profile (laid-back!
Adventurous! Netflix!) or your answers to questions are fun to
And above all, if you would play monopoly with me while I eat a
And it'd be great if you knew how to play the piano, so I could lay
suggestively on top of it while you play.
You better be a feminist.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.