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ZFunktopus

29 Pittsburgh, PA Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 22–34
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:52pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Speaks
English, Spanish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm me. I've been writing/performing stand up comedy for a bit over three years now so most weeks I have some kind of a show with that and have been running/booking my own monthly show for over a year now. I sometimes host a trivia night and as of late find myself the vocalist in a band. We've played some live shows and are working on recording an EP.

I also sell paint and blinds/window treatments at a hardware store to make a living because my creative endeavors are not enough to pay the bills at this point.

I'm one of those dreaded intellectual lefty types I heard about growing up in Lancaster County - I'm not Amish but I do know all the words to Amish Paradise - and have lived in Pittsburgh for almost ten years now.

I can be the friend when times are rough, that random person you find yourself discussing the meaning of life over whiskey at a party or the guy who makes you laugh with a joke that's equal parts insightful and ridiculous.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I make noises into microphones, usually in bars. There's nothing like making a drunk laugh about existentialism at 12:30am. Or getting a crowd going with what I can only describe as a sing/talk/yell vocal style. Or maybe a talk/yell/sing. Or yell/sing/talk.

Also I help/pretend to help people design the inside of their homes in my day job because people trust you if you're wearing a vest with a company name on it.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Helping people. I worked four years in a group home taking care of developmentally disabled people, was an RA in college, talked my first person out of suicide in 10th grade, stuff like that. The way I see it I have no right to get upset at the cruddy condition of the world if I don't try to rise above it.

I make people laugh a lot. And I'm a pretty solid storyteller as well.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have awesome long hair. I can do the shampoo commercial hair flip and everything.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I read a lot so I'll just list a few favorite authors - Kurt Vonnegut, Neil Gaiman, Christopher Moore, Warren Ellis, David Mack, Henry Rollins, David Sedaris, Brian Michael Bendis, Harvey Pekar and Voltaire to keep it at 10. If I had to pick a favorite book, absolutely had to go with just one, it'd be Catch 22. It's just an amazing satire.

Favorite TV shows include The Daily Show, Doctor Who, Buffy, Firefly, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, The Twilight Zone, Sons of Anarchy, Community, Futurama, and Arrested Development.

Some of my favorite bands/musicians are Bruce Springsteen and E-Street Band, Bad Religion, The Clash, Rollins Band, Tom Waits, Billy Bragg, Jonathan Coulton, Weird Al, MC Lars, Spose and Sleater-Kinney.

10 of my favorite films - Dr. Strangelove, Inherit the Wind, American Splendor, Monty Pyton's Life of Brian, The Marvel Cinematic Universe stuff, The Cooler, Wristcutters : A Love Story, Young Frankenstein, Lawrence of Arabia, The King of Comedy (which is NOT the Kings of Comedy, but an excellent Scorsese/ De Niro film)

Sports wise I'm a baseball fan, played when I was a kid and I just love the game. I grew up a Phillies fan but have become a Bucco backer over the years in Pittsburgh. When the two teams play I wear a hat for one team, a shirt for the other and cheer every play. I've also gotten much more into hockey, namely the Pens, since moving to Pittsburgh. I'm not the crazy sports type but despite being more of the geeky type I can do sports.

In terms of food/drink I love a good Chicken Parm, be it on a plate or sandwich form. The existence of the potato gives me some hope that there may be, in fact, some higher power that likes us. Whiskey and rum are my usual drinks of choice for alcohol when I drink.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A stage/microphone...actually the mic just helps, I know how to project.

Family.

Friends.

Satire.

Does Existentialism count as a thing? I'm going to count it as two for now.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Big philosophical issues.
Possible stories to write.
Random geekery.
Ideas for stand up.
How complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Ideally performing somewhere. But I really enjoy a relaxing evening in with some good food, drink, friends and a movie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm not really sure. Even the darkest aspects of my life have ended up on stage somehow. If you want to know something ask away.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-You appreciate creativity and comedy
-You're looking for someone to chat with about life, philosophy and just what it is we're all doing here
-You've Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb
-Also, in a non egotistical way, I do have the occasional moments of awesomeness. So I've got that going for me.