Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

ZabetRa

33 Charlotte, NC Woman

Woman

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 28–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 6:34pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Other, but not too serious about it
Sign
Sagittarius, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Two-year college
Job
Other
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Has dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Pirate is my 'type'." ;)

A little about me: First, the cliff notes... bi/poly/kinky... not terribly geeky... quasi-geeky? Maybe?

I've been openly polyamorous for seven years now with a strong leaning toward Relational Anarchy. I date independently so please do not contact me about being the "third" in your dream triad. I'm not interested.

I'm gender-fluid and tend to be drawn to intelligent, low-primp, masculine-leaning types regardless of biological sex or gender identity. Though that isn't an absolute by any stretch.

I'm a parent, an 80's nostalgia geek, TOTAL Once Upon A Time fangirl, seafood snob, animal welfare advocate, lifestyle jewelry maker, and Kemetic revivalist, though I take an Ignostic stance during theological debate... not to be confused with Agnostic.

I love animals, sometimes more than people, lol. I've been training dogs since I was twelve years old. I'm a certified veterinary assistant and I do my own grooming. A small dog and a cat are the only animals with whom I share my home for now, but I adore snakes and have every intention of snake keeping again some day in the future.

If it means anything to you, my Myers-Briggs personality type indicator is ISTJ, the "Examiner." My SLOAN personality type indicator is RLOAN with a primary type of Organized.

Some thoughts on polyamory: For me, polyamory has always been about one thing above all else. Non-possession. Respect for autonomy. The belief that people are not property or roles. That the duration of the relationship and relationship status do not give us the right to control other people no matter how well-intentioned we are.

This does not mean that I am somehow less committed or that I am careless with the needs and feelings of my partners. Non-possession is not a license to act without consideration, kindness, or compassion.

What it does mean is that, within the context of a relationship, I prefer open and honest communication, and to have a set of personal boundaries which make me responsible for my own actions, as opposed to formal relational rules and restrictions which attempt to control or limit the actions of other people.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Event Organizer/Relationship Anarchy Coordinator for the Charlotte Poly Network.

Sponsor of Atlanta Poly Weekend and OutFront Minnesota.

Ultimately, I want to be able to make it easier for people to be who they are in the world.

Right now, I'm designing lifestyle and counterculture jewelry as a side business which has brought me a lot personal satisfaction and happiness, but eventually I'd like to return to school and finish my degree in forensic science.

Currently I'm saving my pennies to hopefully visit Ireland one day. This would be a dream trip for me. Also, I have decided that I will one day live on a house-boat in Sausalito. :p For now though, my daughter, my dog, my cat, and I, call the University area of Charlotte, NC our home.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
~ Pencil drawing and pyrographics.
~ I'm also good with tools, crafty type things, and most anything else hands on.
~ I have been called a master of Google-fu.
~ Air hockey! ^.^
~ Being organized, compiling lists, charts, and catalogs.
~ Recognizing obscure dog breeds that nobody has heard of.
~ Kisses and cuddles! I am very sensory-oriented in general, but touch and quality time together are the primary ways that I feel connected with those I care about.

I am -not- so good at
~ Parallel parking.
~ Knowing when to shut up.
~ Words and writing. I admire anyone who can communicate and write well. I will like you -a lot- if you are able to do either of these.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The first thing people usually mention is the smile. :D The second is the eyes. And people who like my eyes are usually very enthusiastic about it, lol.

I'm originally from the Baltimore area of Maryland and have been told I have "the famous transatlantic accent" (whatever that means), which I wasn't aware of until I moved further South and people started pointing it out to me.

I have three tattoos (two of which are on my wrists and almost always visible and the third is on my back) and a lip piercing (which is new so you won't see it in any of my photos here).

I am a practical thinker (most of the time), sarcastic, athletic, self-aware, assertive, a bit of a tomboy, and somewhat shy in new situations. I'm also very passionate about my values and you -will- know if you've hit a nerve with me. Fair warning. :p

I have been called, by those with whom I am close, passionate, inquisitive, driven, confident, analytic, sexual, loving, strong, independent, fiery, artistic, tactile, methodical, and insecure (I have my moments). I've also been told I would make a handsome 20's gangster. ^.^

Though not necessarily one of the *first* things people notice about me, I have been told on more than one occasion that when I fall in love you can see it in my eyes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Interests: So many interests, lol.

Antiques; art; architecture; charms; beads; wire; resin; vintage hand tools; pyrographics; leather; rope; lingam massage; nature; dragonflies; neuropharmacology; neurotheology; neuroethics; haptics; forensics; emotional biochemistry; neurochemistry; gender identity; social justice; animal welfare; alternative lifestyles and countercultures; kemetic steampunk; community theatre (lights, sound, and props); cultural history; the French Revolution; industrial art; Medieval torture and execution techniques (of which I have way more knowledge than tends to make people comfortable, lol).
--------------------
Activities: Whip cracking (I love the sound, and It's great for stress relief).

I'm also very outdoors-y. I love zip lining; parasailing; rafting; rock climbing; walking and nature trails; greenways; hiking; travel; museums; cultural festivals; renaissance fairs; pet expos; food and wine events; flea markets; antiquing; and live minor league baseball games.

Crafty type things, which consists mostly of jewelry making and repurposing right now.
--------------------
Sports: I have been referred to as "the athletic geek type." I'm not exactly clear on what that means though, lol.

Baseball is my main sport (Baltimore Orioles) but I also like hockey (Washington Capitals), though you're more likely to catch me at a live game than you are watching either on TV. I can't stand football. Or basketball.

I used to shoot pool in my 20s. It's something I haven't done in quite some time now. I play air hockey whenever I have the opportunity. I get stupid excited over air hockey, lol. I also enjoy watching competitive dance, especially Latin and ballroom. Part of me wishes I had stuck with it as a child.
--------------------
Music: Mostly 80's rock, southern rock, and country but I can usually find something to appreciate in all genres of music.

Journey; Lynyrd Skynyrd; Kid Rock; Quiet Riot; 38 Special; Guns N' Roses; Poison; John Mellencamp; Lady Antebellum; Red Hot Chili Peppers; Dave Matthews Band; Metric; Scythian; Lights; Eisley; The Rogues; Queen; Keith Urban; Coldplay; Nickelback; Whitesnake; Def Leppard; Katy Perry; Billy Currington; Fun; Trans-Siberian Orchestra; Bon Jovi; Billy Joel; Mark Harris; Darius Rucker; Michael Jackson; Loreena Mckennitt; The Band Perry; Thompson Square.
--------------------
Podcasts: Pedestian Polyamory (currently my favorite poly podcast); PolyskeptiCast; Poly Weekly; The Dark Side (adult oriented BDSM podcast); This American Life; The Savage Lovecast; and Penn's Sunday School.
--------------------
YouTube: Foamy the Squirrel... hands down my all-time fave! Llamas with Hats... hilarious and disturbing at the same time; My Drunk Kitchen... hilarity with food; Simon's Cat; SnakeBytesTV.
--------------------
Games: I'm not really a gamer, but there are a few games I will totally geek out on. Mostly older stuff from my childhood. Any and all of the Myst series for example. Spy vs. Spy (which you can play on iPad now! Squeee!); King's Quest (I-III now available for iOS!); Mario Kart; Sonic the Hedgehog... ect.

As far as board games... classic and Chinese checkers. Also Scrabble, though I'll admit I'm not very good at it.

For newer stuff, I really enjoyed The Room and The Room II which is a very Myst-like puzzle game series for iPad. I play Scramble too, but like Scrabble, I'm not very good at it. However, I make up for that by kicking ass at Gems. :D

Arcade games! I will play me some arcade games! Namely skee-ball and air hockey.

I do not enjoy games involving large groups of people, live action role play (LARPing), or MMORPGs. But, I don't hold anything against anyone who does. Just know that these aren't hobbies we will share if that's your thing.
--------------------
Books: I am not to be trusted in a book store with a credit card. :p I love books and am really bad about buying them way faster than I can read them.

I tend to prefer non-fiction over fiction. Some of my favorite subjects are ancient history; religion; neuroscience; sociology; and various subjects that fall under the heading of popular science. I do read a lot of historic fiction, classic literature, folklore, and self-help though. Mary Roach and Violet Blue come to mind as more recent favorites. Right now I'm working my way through both the Alex Cross and Myst series for the first time. I know. I'm late, lol. I've also recently finished reading Maus which is an amazing graphic novel about surviving the German holocaust.

Also, I read a lot about polyamory, contemporary polygamy, and BDSM.

Speaking of books about polyamory though... You'd do well not to reference The Ethical Slut in my presence, lest you endure my ranting about what a terrible book it is. Just a heads up. I hate that it is currently the most widely recommended book on the topic among poly people.

My personal recommendation, if you care to hear it, is Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful by Anthony Ravenscroft. Also known as "the anti-poly handbook." ;) I've also got More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert on pre-order, which may or may not give Roadmaps a run for it's money. :) We shall see.
--------------------
Movies/Theatre: Flight of the Navigator (1986); Escape to Witch Mountain (1975); Moulin Rouge; Matthew Bourne's Sleeping Beauty (done as a gothic ballet); In Time; Pan's Labrynth; RENT; Pride and Prejudice; Top Gun; Blackhawk Down; The Interpreter; The Boondock Saints; The Outsiders; Sweeny Todd; From Hell; Les Miserables; Clerks (all of them); The Terminal; Brokeback Mountain; The Notebook; The Quick and the Dead; Side Show; The Scarlet Pimpernel (1982 film, though I also enjoy live stage productions and the BBC series).
--------------------
Television: Though I'm finding myself less and less interested in TV lately...

Once Upon A Time (Robert Carlyle can seriously rock a suit); Reign; Robin Hood (BBC 2006); Stargate Universe; Sherlock; Downton Abbey; NCIS; The Fall (British crime drama); Les Revenants (French supernatural thriller); Terriers (cancelled too soon); Castle (mmm... Nathan Fillion); House; Weeds; Twisted; ROME (amazing series); Sister Wives; So You Think You Can Dance; The Big Bang Theory; How I Met Your Mother; Glee; Pit Bulls and Parolees; Fatal Attractions (not for the squeamish); Life After People; Taboo; Hell's Kitchen; Top Chef; pretty much all competitive cooking shows; TEDTalks (which I usually watch online or from my iPhone).

I'm about two seasons into Lost Girl and it's finally starting to grow on me.

I'm usually a good three to seven years behind on any given show by the time I start watching it, by the way. I'm almost never current on anything.
--------------------
Food: Yes please! Total omnomnomnisexual! That is, I love food and I don't cook, so I'm totally attracted to people who do and do it well! LOL!

I'm a very adventurous eater and will try just about anything once.

I love ethnic food; seafood (particularly any and all shellfish); rare steak; sushi; shiitake mushrooms; eel; duck; deer; lamb; goat; bison; beef wellington (ohmygodyum!); stir-fry; roasted vegetables with sea salt; roasted caesar salad (*drool*); fresh pasta; pesto; chicken salad; sourdough bread; granola (natural granola); cheesecake; pumpkin pie; apple crisp; Thai and Southern style iced tea; and spiced chai. I'm pretty sensitive to sour flavors, though I love me some key lime.

My preferences tend to lean toward seafood over just about everything, Mediterranean over Asian, Asian over Indian and Thai, and Indian and Thai over Latin.

Favorite restaurant? Tanaka's Grill & Sushi.

One thing I haven't tried yet, which I'd like to, is rabbit. Things such as alligator and octopus would also be on that list. Also, real African, Creole, and Caribbean cooking I'd love to try.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Family, freedom, love, affection, and all things snuggly! ^.^

Shared experiences, access to education, a creative means of self-expression, the incredible feeling of compersion, my dog, nature and my almost spiritual connection to it.

Wait... that's more than six...

Also, random quote about poly communication and boundaries here: "A respect for privacy is as important as an expectation of honesty." - BigMike SantaCruz

The six things I could easily do without
First and foremost... my period (TMI?).

Lint! Ohmygod! I can't stand lint!

The feeling of insecurity, cable television, the smell of spoiled milk (which makes me want to hurl), and the tedious task of folding clean laundry.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
~ Time.
~ Symmetry.
~ Who I am and what I want.
~ Gender identity and expression.
~ Which book I'm going to read next.
~ Is it really time to groom the dog AGAIN!?
~ Labels and definitions. Seriously. I am entirely too obsessed with them.
~ WHEN WILL ONCE UPON A TIME BE BACK!? <--- Having serious withdrawls.

I spend a lot of time looking for the next new and exciting thing in my life. I am definitely a bit of a thrill seeker.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Working if anything. Friday nights aren't usually all that exciting around here.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a tummy fetish... I love to nuzzle tummies... Especially big hairy tummies. :p

I value honesty over tact and find it difficult, if not damn near impossible, to trust those who would sacrifice honesty for the sake of politeness or concern for another's feelings.

I often feel very alone and isolated in my thinking and approach to relationships and intimacy, even within my own sub-cultures.

Here comes the tough one... I recently finished reading the Fifty Shades of Grey series... and I enjoyed it! What? Don't judge me!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You should definitely message me if you are poly or poly-friendly, but are not looking for poly-fidelity. If you value honesty, open communication, and commitment to personal growth. If you're passionate about something, compassionate, affectionate, and looking for friends or potential relationships, or even if you only have questions about something I've mentioned in my profile.

If you DON'T think that The Ethical Slut is the Bible of open relationships.

Know that while I am not looking for monogamy or marriage, I am looking for meaningful, bonded connections. Please don't contact me about casual or "discreet" sexual encounters.

You should also message me if you're interested in kink or involved in the BDSM community. Some things I enjoy:

power exchange... though I'm not much interested in control that continues outside of the bedroom
sensory deprivation
sensation play
impact play
bondage
edging and denial
and the Violet Wand... though I don't own one myself... ::sad face::

I'm also learning how to throw a single tail whip but these aren't things I absolutely must have in order to feel satisfied within every individual relationship I have.

In the realm of D/s I definitely lean submissive and masochistic but I have been told I have a mildly sadistic side too. I can Top, as a service, but I am -not- a Dominant.

What I'd like to find in a partner is someone who is commanding, not demanding. Someone to support me in finding deeper aspects of myself. Someone who brings out my natural desire to submit by just being him.

--------------------

For the couples seeking thirds...

If what you're looking for is your "third" to "complete" your family, please understand that I am not interested and that this is a hard limit for me.

You need to be willing and able to make decisions and date independently, as the unique individual you are, if you have other partners. I don't do closed relationships of any kind, even if they involve multiple people, "package deals," or other primary couple-centered versions of polyamory.

--------------------

I maintain a shop on Etsy selling handmade lifestyle jewelry and gifts.

Love Infinitely: www.etsy.com/shop/LoveInfinitelyGifts

I don't Skype and I don't give out my phone number to just anyone who asks... just a heads up.

Also, please do not write to me and address me by anything other than my name and/or handle. It won't be well received.

*WARNING: What you are about to say can, and will, be used against you on my Facebook wall.