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38 M Des Moines, IA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Used up
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and dislikes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), Russian (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Truthfully.... probably not ready to date(last relationship was less than stellar) Just a messed up foolish man looking for friends.

Me---> (my travel blog)
What I’m doing with my life
Would like to start my own business I think... Check this idea out:

A barbershop just for men! Free beer with every trim! Widescreen TVs tuned to ESPN! Topless Beauticians!

What would one call this bastion of manly, perfect pompadours?!!? "SNIPPLES"!! Soooo, I got that goin' for me I guess?!

I’m really good at
Would you believe... popping a "wheelie on a unicycle"?! No you say! Ok, fair 'nuff. Um, I play a ukulele." Damn right! I'll play you a version of Lady Gagas "Telephone" that'll make you AND angels weep!

Well, since the doctors found a preponderance of midichlorians in my blood, I've been lightsaber training, not to brag but...I'm pretty good. Don't worry ladies! I'm told the "force" isn't contagious!
(this was a really nerdy Star Wars reference. If you got are awesome!)
The first things people usually notice about me
blue eyes? Outgoing personality? Possibly my prehensile tail(great at parties)...who's to know?

I'm pretty sure nobody notices my nervous ticks or the backwards glances I frequently make checking to see if the "government" is following me?!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Excerpt from a text exchange...

Me: So what do you like?
Her: I like music.
Me: Awesome! Me too! So many women on here hate music!
Her: Really?
Me: Ya, but that's great you like it! I mean, what're the odds?!!
Her: For sure!

Bwahahahahha! Think I "peed" a little!

***Don't read this!!! I haven't thought of anything to make it less boring***(Work in progress)

Very diverse.... The big Lebowski---> Hellraiser. Anne of green gables---->x-men 1st class.
Bette Middler--->skinny puppy--the lumineers--> the bodeans-->Pantera

Tempe--->pork adobo--> picckled herring---->cheeseburgers
The six things I could never do without
1.At least one of my kidneys
2.At least one of my lungs
3.The ability to convert oxygen to energy on a cellular level within my body
4.I think we only use 15% of our brain so, I guess I need that. The other 85% is just for "showin off"
5.a central nervous system
6. Skin

Oh, and "Raptor Jesus"!!! (He went extinct for our sins!)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I think scientifically it is a fact that despite what the movie the "matrix" would have you believe, generating power bio-chemically/electrically, is implausible. However, harvesting methane from "Stasis-podded" humans is much more feasible!(given the proper high fiber diet)

Wouldn't the movie have been funnier that way!?!?!?!
On a typical Friday night I am
Making "skin suits" from all my former okcupid dates! (not funny you say?! Too over the top!?!? Write your own f*ing profile!!!)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Part of me(despite appearances) is shy. The extroverted thing is overcompensation. I'm pretty guarded.
I am pretty proud that I've used my sonic toothbrush for more than brushing my teeth.
Masturbation without any lubricant pisses me off and I can't spit that far!
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 28–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
I've been on here a number of years....Message me if you can actually "WoW" me, ie., Impress your kindness, love, and optimism for a "stupid", on okcupid. Show me this site is more than simply the farewells to modern or wise, society.
Or!!! if you have a great joke that could make me lose bladder or bowel control!!!