If you are not into reading, or learning a lot about a woman before contacting her, then click away - you’ll be bored to tears and driven to drink on this one.
You'll see 2 different profiles below. The first one is an experiment, where I’m testing out a theory I have about a possible powerful shortcut to finding our perfect match and saving months of time, effort, money, and heart-ache, I hope!
Experts say that the definition of an extraordinary relationship is one where the NEEDS of both partners are met extraordinarily well.
So, why don't we always start our mating/dating ritual with this concept in mind? I've never done it before, but I really would like to give it a try now. Usually if I meet a man who seems to be a match for me physically, intellectually, emotionally - I fall in love. Pretty quickly. Then come the months of discovering what HIS needs are and if he is interested or even just CAPable of meeting mine! By this time, I'm either deeply in love and in denial of our differences or I'm walking away, psychologically and emotionally bloodied & bruised from my heroic effort to save "us."
I was in-love with a man who was as clueless about women and relationships as he was magnificent in other areas. In my effort to help US, I kept thinking of things to try, new ways to resolve the blocks to our bliss, and this idea was one I casually tried, not really expecting the massive insights it would cause. After years of struggling to make it work, after therapists, after ministers, after seminars, after books and dvds, after even Dr. John Gray himself tried to help - This list of my 10 needs, when I was reading it finished for the first time, in a flash explained why our relationship didn't work. It might look overwhelming to you, but I hope that you’ll recognize that a lot of it is common sense and that I was dealing with an unusually clueless man and needed to go back to basics.
So, let me know what you think of how effective this would be in cutting through the chase to what REALLY matters and not wasting time on doomed liaisons.... I am interested in your feedback. And if you are up for meeting my needs, and believe I could make you super-happy in return - let's connect !
My needs in a relationship...
1) Integrity & responsibility
--Keep your promises & commitments - no matter what - to me & to others
--Stay aware, face reality & new truths unflinchingly – don’t check-out because it’s tough
--Take responsibility. Face it, admit it, own it, learn from it, stay & solve it!
--Evaluate our progress on commitments & goals weekly
2) Cherishing, nurturing, affection
--Make my happiness & wellness a priority
--Cherish me with tenderness & affection
--Don’t kill my joys, encourage them. Flood my fears and spirit with enthusiasm
--Tell me daily what you find attractive about me, why you love me
--Choose to spend your free time with me
3) Honesty & fidelity & devotion
--Don’t keep secrets. Tell me no lies by word OR omission
--Don’t engage in intimate or flirty conversations or actions with other women
--Speak well of me, of us
--Avoid all that weakens you – us - our future. Protect our happiness
4) Kindness, respect & interest
--Don't abuse verbally, physically, or emotionally
--Disagree respectfully, calmly. Strive to understand, solve & win for US, not for YOU
--Listen well, seek to understand & know me, ask questions about me
--Don't cause my tears with your actions or words
5) Connection & emotional sharing & support
--Say Hello when you come home & communicate what your needs/plans are for the day
--Initiate daily communication, connection & sharing
--I’m an imperfect human, I will screw up – And need your forgiveness
--Plan at least one romantic activity weekly
6) Authenticity & courage
--Have the courage to show me who you really are, tell me what you really want
--Be a bud-nipper - if it bugs you – say so!
--Have the courage to not abandon your beliefs & commitments despite adversity
7) Sharing of Life duties
--Invest a couple of hours daily in home & life duties, or pay someone
--Earn, save, spend, invest with our obligations, goals & dreams in mind
8) Problem solving & optimism
--Initiate a creative solution instead of just complaining
--Express gratitude for blessings instead of self-absorption & negativity
--Demonstrate your Masculine calm, your X-Factor, take-charge & be the protector when you see me struggling
9) Commitment to Excellence & Growth
--Live audaciously – invest the effort to make it better than mediocre
--Do what it takes to nurture and grow our magnificent relationship
--Demonstrate impulse control
--Actively work on your and our goals & dreams
--When you learn of a smarter way to live, to succeed – don't waste it, implement it!
10) Live on Purpose, Work with Purpose
--Work, when you say you're working
--Finish the work first, then play !
--Demonstrate self-discipline, self-direction, self-motivation for commitments
The man I referred to above, now understood my needs, he didn't feel they were extreme, he agreed to meet them, and he made a list of his own to evaluate his level of happiness. But then he simply did not take any action that he had promised, to meet my needs. In the end, the why and why nots didn’t matter. His actions spoke louder than his words, and I accepted the end of our relationship.
Which brings me here, communicating with you, and putting this very emotionally “expensive" list to some good use, I hope!
Have you ever actually considered deeply, thoroughly, and fully what YOUR needs are in a relationship? What would your lovely girl have to DO to actually meet your needs? Remember.... love is a VERB, it needs to be shown in ACTION ! I challenge you to define your list and if you'd like to connect, share your list with me !
As you see, I'm very communicative....I guess that would have to be one of your "needs" if we were to be happy together.... ;-) It took me many years to learn to communicate generously and effectively, and this is one of those traits that I would not be able to "unlearn" for you!
My "Type" : You’ll find me irresistible if you’re drawn to a woman who loves life, thrives on positive energy and uses gratitude to stay optimistic facing challenges,
a woman who has a Bohemian spirit, a peasant's love of the earth, and sophisticated tastes & lifestyle; a woman whose nature is unusually generous, affectionate, sensual, sensitive, open & communicative; highly independent, non-conforming, free-thinking, liberal & creative; classy & elegant in a feminine & playful way, owns a business suit in every color except beige, gray & black; driven to grow, achieve, explore, experience, question & see what's possible; always reaching for the extraordinary essence in all things big & small; at home on any continent, always ready with passport and camera for exotic explorations, and in awe of the beauty and mystery of our world; stifled by mediocrity & norms; loves truly; kisses slowly; whose radical honesty is both disarming and challenging; believes being "understated" is overrated; drives topless all year – only faster in rain; defender of any creature or idea that needs a champion; fiercely loyal; and infectiously happy, optimistic & adventurous. Although I strive for excellence in all areas of my life, believe me it's a constant struggle and I'm far from extraordinary in many areas, but I do believe that to achieve something extraordinary, something that most people don't, you have to put out an effort that is extraordinary and which most people aren't willing to do.
Your "Type" : I myself am drawn to the energy of a man who seems to know who he is, what he wants, where he's going & how to get there; who seems to have an easy-going, relaxed confidence allowing him to be open, un-stifled, non-defensive & authentic in his demeanor; who portrays strength of character & uncompromising values; who cleverly uses the knowledge that chocolate improves my disposition (!); who not only values fidelity of body AND mind but is also capable of it; who believes intimacy is enhanced by sex, not vice-versa; who doesn’t kiss every Jane, Jill, or Jackie just because they’re puckering, a man who exudes kindness, acceptance & equality; and who shows joy for life, for fun, for playing, for learning, breaking the rules, exploring, achieving & Kissing ME! A man who makes no excuses in life, who maybe struggles DOING what's right rather than wrong, but doesn’t struggle at all KNOWING the difference, and doesn't waste time "justifying." A man will have my devotion forever if he can top it off by making me feel loved, most special to him, safe, a little spoiled & always kissable. If he loves massaging my feet at the end of the day because he knows it melts my stress away. And if he tells me that the universe saved the best for last for me, HIM - my last love affair to kiss, dance and grow young with until we're 123 !
Believe me, just like I - he "ain't" perfect either. Just extraordinary because he's just an ordinary man who’s more determined than most, more disciplined than most, more committed than most and STRIVES harder than most to be a better man.