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Zelmo_Swift

42 Portland, OR Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 34–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Desperately
Drugs
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Painter , poet...wait, where are you going? WHERE ARE YOU GOING COME BACK

I am cynical yet hopeful, opinionated yet flexible, and working to be a better human being with varying degrees of success.

I used to think that not fitting in was a weakness, now I see it as a strength. Up to a point, of course.

I have a severe dislike of sports aside from the occasional boxing match (watching, not participating).

I enjoy spending time alone but it would be nice to have someone around to share experiences with. It's so much easier to do the sawing when someone's holding the body still.

We're all damaged goods, at this point it's just a matter of finding someone who is compatibly damaged, and self-aware enough to recognize that without using it as an excuse to stop trying to improve and grow.

I am one of the few people I know under 60 who just does not think the internet is all that great.

Life is too short for bullshit.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"To rescue the banal is every lyric poet's ambition." -Charles Simic

Drawing, painting, writing. Embracing life's contradictions.
Attempting to develop awareness and mindfulness, with all the usual obstacles and setbacks that entails. Engaging in cultural activities; movies, readings, gallery viewings, concerts. Walking around looking at stuff. Cracking myself up more than I like to admit. Trying to fail better.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Taking the time to stop and listen in between bouts of ranting. Slowing down to enjoy the world around me. Balancing the need for privacy with the need for human interaction. Making my life more complicated than it needs to be. Calmly and humanely handling situations involving spiders. Making myself look like a jackass on dating profiles.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People often tell me I look just like George Clooney. Oh, I'm sorry; not George Clooney the actor, I'm talking about George "Hambone" Clooney, this homeless guy who's always asking for change outside the Plaid Pantry down the street from where I live. His shopping cart boasts the biggest collection of broken boom boxes in Southeast Portland.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Most of the time my mind is somewhere between Inside Llewyn Davis and Synecdoche, NY. I surround myself with lots and lots of books, some of which I've actually read.

As long as you find music indispensable, I don't really give a shit what music that is. I might not (probably won't, I am an elitist hipster at heart) agree with you, but I guess I file this under "negotiable".

Fishing With John gives me hope for humanity.

I find it troubling and strange that OKC finds it important to ask you to list your favorite food and has no place for art. I mean, everyone likes food. Who makes their romantic decisions based on food? I am guessing the answer is extremely shallow, sad people.

And don't even get me started about old radio shows.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1 bottle Makers Mark
1 pack Lucky Strikes
1 pair handcuffs
1 bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
1 revolver
1 bullet

...what was the question again?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Art and its place in the world.

Self awareness.

Barbara Stanwyck.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
usually doing lines off a hooker's ass. Either that or sitting at home reading late-18th century poetry. On very rare, magical occasions, both.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My soul has a vestigial tail.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-you still believe in the possibility of human connection.

-You are not so dissatisfied with this incredible world that you rely on invisible superheroes in the sky, elves and pixies, or the alignment of celestial bodies to give your life meaning.

-You did NOT list "my phone" as one of the six things you could not live without. This always makes me unspeakably sad.

-You actually want to meet in person and not just email back and forth for a month before just disappearing completely. Er, not that this has ever happened to me multiple times or anything. Maybe it was something I said?

One last thing; for all of you who say you are looking for a "partner in crime", have you not seen the end of Fargo?

My name is Zelmo Swift and I approve this message.

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