Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

Zelmo_Swift

41 M Portland, OR

I’m looking for

  • Women who like men
  • Ages 34–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:57am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Desperately
Drugs
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am curious about the world and all the different personalities which live in it. I have many interests and am rarely bored.

It's probably possible to live without art and music and literature but who wants to try?

I am cynical yet hopeful, opinionated yet flexible, and working to be a better human being with varying degrees of success.

I used to think that not fitting in was a weakness, now I see it as a strength.

I have a severe dislike of sports aside from the occasional boxing match (watching, not participating).

I enjoy spending time alone but it would be nice to have someone around to share experiences with. It's so much easier to do the sawing when someone's holding the body still.

We're all damaged goods, at this point it's just a matter of finding someone who is compatibly damaged, and self-aware enough to recognize that without using it as an excuse to stop trying to improve and grow.

I am one of the few people I know under 60 who just does not think the internet is all that great.

Life is too short for bullshit.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"To rescue the banal is every lyric poet's ambition." -Charles Simic

Drawing, painting, writing.

Embracing life's contradictions.

Developing awareness and mindfulness, with all the usual obstacles and setbacks that entails.

Engaging in cultural activities; going out to the movies, readings, concerts, walking around looking at stuff. I don't have a car so I don't get out of town as much as I'd like. Open to trying new things, especially if they involve cans of gasoline and matches.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Taking the time to stop and listen in between bouts of ranting. Slowing down to enjoy the world around me. Balancing the need for privacy with the need for human interaction. Making my life more complicated than it needs to be. Calmly and humanely handling situations involving spiders. Making myself look like a jackass on dating profiles.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People often tell me I look just like George Clooney. Oh, I'm sorry; not George Clooney the actor, I'm talking about George "Hambone" Clooney, this homeless guy who's always asking for change outside the Plaid Pantry down the street from where I live. His shopping cart boasts the biggest collection of broken boom boxes in Southeast Portland.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I love reading, going out to the cinema and listening to music. I'll watch movies at home but only as a last resort. I also love looking at art and going to readings. Books in particular are essential in my life, and it would be great if they were in yours as well.I'd love to talk about our favorites in person rather than just listing them here. Until then, assume that I have impeccable taste in all things. I'm sure you do too.

I will say that Fishing With John gives me hope for humanity.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1 bottle Makers Mark
1 pack Lucky Strikes
1 pair handcuffs
1 bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
1 revolver
1 bullet

...what was the question again?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Art and its place in the world.

Self awareness.

Barbara Stanwyck.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
usually doing lines off a hooker's ass. Either that or sitting at home reading late-18th century poetry. On very rare, magical occasions, both.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My soul has a vestigial tail.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-you still believe in the possibility of human connection.

-You are not so dissatisfied with this incredible world that you rely on invisible superheroes in the sky, elves and pixies, or the alignment of celestial bodies to give your life meaning.

-You did NOT list "my phone" as one of the six things you could not live without. This always makes me unspeakably sad.

-It's okay if you're a Burner, but be prepared, I will make fun of you. Likewise if you have partaken of the PaleoKoolAid.

One last thing; for all of you who say you are looking for a "partner in crime", have you not seen the end of Fargo?

My name is Zelmo Swift and I approve this message.