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Zelmo_Swift

42 Portland, OR Man

Man

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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 30–55
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 1:40pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Desperately
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Status
Single
Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English (Okay)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Poet. Artist. Man of your dreams.
...Well, two out of three ain't bad.

Employed, sensitive but emotionally stable, attentive. Interested and invested in life. Always trying to be more self-aware and practice all that mindfulness crap. Dripping with charm... at least, I hope that's charm.

I enjoy spending time alone but it would be nice to have someone around to share experiences with. It's so much easier to do the sawing when someone's holding the body still.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"To rescue the banal is every lyric poet's ambition." -Charles Simic

Drawing, painting, writing. Embracing life's contradictions.
Attempting to develop awareness and mindfulness, with all the usual obstacles and setbacks that entails. Engaging in cultural activities; movies, readings, gallery viewings, concerts. Walking around looking at stuff. Cracking myself up more than I like to admit. Trying to fail better, as the man said.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Taking the time to stop and listen in between bouts of ranting. Slowing down to enjoy the world around me. Balancing the need for privacy with the need for human interaction. Making my life more complicated than it needs to be. Calmly and humanely handling situations involving spiders. Knowing when to use the irony gun and when it's better to use the bazooka of sincerity. Making myself look like a jackass on dating profiles.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People often tell me I look just like George Clooney. Oh, I'm sorry; not George Clooney the actor, I'm talking about George "Hambone" Clooney, this homeless guy who's always asking for change outside the Plaid Pantry down the street from where I live. His shopping cart boasts the biggest collection of broken boom boxes in Southeast Portland.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Most of the time my mind is somewhere between Inside Llewyn Davis and Synecdoche, NY. I surround myself with lots and lots of books, some of which I've actually read.

As long as you find music indispensable, I don't really give a shit what music that is. I might not (probably won't, I am an elitist hipster at heart) agree with you, but I guess I file this under "negotiable". Chances are you are going to hate a lot of the shit I listen to. I promise not to play it while you're around.

Fishing With John gives me hope for humanity.

I find it troubling and strange that OKC finds it important to ask you to list your favorite food and has no place for art. I mean, everyone likes food. Who makes their romantic decisions based on food?

And don't even get me started about old radio shows.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1 bottle Makers Mark
1 pack Lucky Strikes
1 pair handcuffs
1 bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
1 revolver
1 bullet

...what was the question again?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Art and its place in the world.

Self awareness.

Barbara Stanwyck.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
drowning in the wonder.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have an irrational fear of Paul Lynde. Well, maybe it's not all that irrational.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-you still believe in the possibility of human connection.

You might describe yourself as a Georgia Hubley looking for your Ira Kaplan to play along with. [Full disclosure: I more or less stole this from another OKCupid user, who did not, however, consider me to be an ideal bandmate. It was so apt I couldn't resist borrowing it.}

-You did NOT list "my phone" as one of the six things you could not live without. This always makes me unspeakably sad.

One last thing; for all of you who say you are looking for a "partner in crime", have you not seen the end of Fargo?

My name is Zelmo Swift and I approve this message.