I've been told that this profile is too long. I can't help it. I get bored when I'm supposed to be writing something productive, and I write this instead. Is it too long? Very well, then it's too long. I am large. I contain multitudes. Anyway, if you're a tl;dr-type, skim down to the "private thing I'm willing to admit" and the "you should message me if..." sections and if you like what's there, then feel free to poke around the rest. Now back to the regularly scheduled profile.
I pride myself on the fact that you can take me anywhere. I'm equally comfortable eating lunch at a fancy club, playing in a rugby match, singing show tunes at a gay bar in the west village, staying in with board games, riding my motorcycle around the city, staying up until 3 AM arguing philosophy, dancing to EDM, watching a difficult piece of theater, learning something new in a class, or just taking a walk and cracking jokes.
I'm probably sillier than you.
This means that I'm around the same group of people a lot, so while it'd be lovely if you make my heart race and my mouth dry and we instantly leave the world behind and move to the mountains of Bolivia needing nothing but our love to keep us warm, I'm also happy if you're just a cool person who can expand my social circle. There's really a wide range of possibilities there.
- Playing games (the fun kind, not those of the heart).
- Intentionally making people laugh.
- Unintentionally making people laugh.
- Being a good person.
- High Fives.
- Doing a dead-on impression of a velociraptor.
- Eating at good restaurants (seriously, it's a skill. I know people who are bad at it).
- Managing to talk to people on a dating site without turning into anyone mentioned here: http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724
Books: I read pretty much anything that's recommended to me and enjoy both fiction and non-fiction, though I'm not really into trade-paperback thrillers and the like. I do tend to like good fantasy, and get pretty hipsterish about A Song of Ice and Fire (I had been waiting not-so-patiently for A Dance with Dragons for six years, and then all of these HBO-watching latecomers start the series and get to just read through to the fifth book!? Psh, whatever).
Movies: As you may have guessed from the whole "film school" thing, I like movies a lot. I like a wide range though. My favorite movie of all time is Dr. Strangelove (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb), but the movie I've probably seen more than any other is Wayne's World. I love the abstraction of Koyaanisqatsi, but will also watch Legally Blonde every time I see it on TBS. Also, you know that obscure pop culture reference you're making? I'll get it.
TV Shows: I tend to watch more comedy than drama (though The Wire is possibly my favorite show ever) and am a fan of the shows that you would expect me to be a fan of given my demographic and psychographic profile (Arrested Development, 30 Rock, The Simpsons, Parks & Rec, Louie, Community when Dan Harmon is involved, etc.). There's not really a lot that I'm keeping up with on a weekly basis at this point though. Also, do yourself a favor, go on Netflix, and watch Firefly.
Music: I like a little bit of everything, which to some people means that I actually like nothing. Seriously though, why are you being so judgmental, Those People? I'm not as into music as I am into movies or books, but I enjoy being introduced to new things that I like. You know that list you have on your profile? Yeah, I like some of those artists, but other ones I don't know too much about. Won't you teach me? Also, no matter how much I like Mumford & Sons or Janelle Monae, I will never relinquish my love of early-90s West Coast hip-hop and Seattle grunge. Also, The Who is the greatest band of all time.
Food: Good food. Just not zucchini.
This wound up being even longer than the lists. Oh well.
- Intellectual discourse
- Poland Spring Sparkling Water with Lime
- A purpose (my special purpose, if you will)
- Pictures of women who wear fake mustaches to let potential suitors know that despite being attractive, they are actually cool, down-to-earth girls with a sense of humor.
- Ways to make the future better.
- The efficiency of my path.
- Funny things that should be turned into sketches or movies.
- Things that people usually only find interesting while high, though I'm sober at the time.
- What should go here.
- How it is that an entire class of film school students can not get a basic Sondheim reference.
- What it means about me that so many of my 95%+ matches seem to be 23 year olds from Brooklyn.
If your celebrity crushes include Tom Hardy, Channing Tatum, Joe Manganiello, or any variety of Hemsworth, then we may get along, you may even like me, but there's a lower chance of that.
If, however, your celebrity crushes include Paul Rudd, John Krasinski, Adam Scott, or Seth Meyers, you'll fall for me. I can't help it, it's science.
If your celebrity crush is Rod Stewart, then Hi Mom! What are you doing on OKCupid?
Finally, if your celebrity crush is Ryan Gosling, well, that means nothing. Whose isn't?! I mean, let's face it, dude's just dreamy.
UPDATE: Someone recently referred to me as a "quick-witted Andy Dwyer," which I took as a high compliment and, when that was shared, others agreed without hesitation. So if that sounds like your thing, I'm your man.
...you think that nothing's too serious to joke about and jokes are meant to be taken seriously.
...you're the second coming of Nellie Bly or Ida B. Wells.
...you're looking for someone to play Catan with (or Carcassonne, or Dominion, or Pandemic, or Munchkin, or whatever your favorite game is).
...you don't mind that I basically made this whole profile a bunch of lists.
...you've read The Ethical Slut and agree with many of the ideas in there, but get frustrated at how poorly written a book it actually is.
...related to the above, you have a strong sense of compersion and you view that as a preferred trait in a match rather than just an accepted one.
...you think Frank and Claire Underwood actually have a pretty great marriage (UPDATE: I may be changing my mind after season three).
...you're a brilliant writer, actor, or artist who wants to collaborate.
...you're a brilliant writer, actor, or artist in general, actually.
...you obsessively check Sporcle.com before you go to bed.
...you understand that it's possible for me to be both a cis-gendered male and a sex-positive feminist with no hint of contradiction.
...you prize silliness as an crucial trait in a potential match.
...you actually read this whole thing.
...you're awesome. I love people who are awesome.