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46 Portland, OR Man, Genderqueer

Man, Genderqueer

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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25-53
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 7:50pm
Sapiosexual, Pansexual
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
5' 11" (1.80m)
Body Type
A little extra
Special Diet
Buddhism but it’s not important
Has kid(s) and doesn’t want more
Has dogs
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.

I am an explorer, a sensualist, an adventurer. Life is short and chock full of too many things to experience them all. So I love the opportunity to try something new, even if I'm not sure I'll like it. I'm in a very happily married open relationship (8 years and counting!) and my partner lovingly supports me in these explorations. Life is good. :)

How about some buzzwords of things that I like or describe me? Autodidactic, burner/maker, ecstatic dance, egalitarianism, feminist, GGG, late harvest Gewürztraminer, metta and karuna, polyamory and open relationships, radical self-expression, sacred sexuality, sapiosexuality, snuggling (especially if it involves nuzzling), yin yoga

I think relationships are very organic: Between the emotional disconnect of "friends with benefits" and the enduring commitment of "life partners", there is a whole continuum of ways we can interact with others, but that seems strangely unexplored in our culture. But it's a wide open space where one can bring connection, desire, curiosity, trust, and touch to another person. Right now I'd love to find someone also interested in a heart + body connection like that.

If you want some more clues about me, check out my question answers - I've commented on a number of them with some details that shed more light on what makes me tick, or at least whatever witty thought the question provoked.

And I want to share two quotes I delight in -- the first for its whimsy, and the second for its critical distinction.
The first: "There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

And "Consent is not the absence of a 'no' but the presence of a 'yes'"...
I'm rather strongly in the camp of "yes means yes" and explicit consent.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm one of those folks who likes to tinker with their wiring. I'm really intrigued by own internal programming and my spiritual center and devote a lot of attention to better understanding them. I love interacting with other folks who are embarked on the same self-discovery path...

When I'm not doing that, I enjoy playing games (as in "board and card", not as in "head"), or devoting time to learning what I can about relationship dynamics, jealousy, intimacy, and communication. Photography is also a passion of mine and I've been doing a lot more of it lately.

Oh, and trying to lose some weight. Had some family crises the past couple years that put a damper on staying fit, so I'm working on getting back to the shape I want to be in.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
listening, communicating, negotiating, honoring boundaries, taking turns (I'm not having fun unless you're having fun too!), cuddling, and rather protracted makeout sessions.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
One or more of the following seem to be surprisingly common, depending on how we are interacting:
- "You have a great voice. Are you a DJ?"
- "Are those eyes blue?.. or grey?"
- "I can't believe I'm telling you all this! I don't normally talk about all this but it just feels like we've known each other for a long time..."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
"Sex at Dawn", "Undefended Love", "Tipping Point", and "The Ethical Slut" are some of the books I find myself recommending to others because of the impact they had on me. A lot of my reading these days seems to revolve around psychology, sociology, or tantra, although sometimes I'll take a break with a fantasy/sci-fi novel.

My movie tastes tend to revolve around foreign, artsy, or indie flicks with some favorite names like: Jarmusch, Itami, Miyazaki, Kieslowski, Almodovar, Breillat, Woo, Greenaway, Gilliam, Lynch, von Trier, plus the Coen and Wachowski siblings. The more confronting or confounding a movie is, the more I usually relish it.

Not much into TV although when I do watch, it's generally something sci-fi or BBC. I have found that I really like 'Agents of SHIELD', and have seen a few seasons of Walking Dead. In the past I particularly liked Firefly, BSG, Twin Peaks, West Wing, Coupling, and a smattering of others.

Tunage: It ranges a lot but pretty enthusiastic about it (my mp3 collection is around 29,000 tracks at the moment). I like bloopy stuff like Postal Service, M83, Passion Pit, and other postmodern indie artists. I love ethereal magic like Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, Dead Can Dance, Kate Bush, the Sundays, and Birdy. There are soft spots in my heart for New Order, Pink Floyd, Paul Simon, and ArtofNoise. For dance music I love mintech, progressive, or DnB styles. But then sometimes I just want some sassy jazz, some mellow blues, or perhaps a Broadway musical. And I seem to have the ability to do disconcertingly well at any sort of 80s music trivia or "name that tune" game.

Food is another whole universe to explore, so I'm always happy to try something new there (although I stick to a generally vegetarian/pescatarian diet). It helps that I love to cook or go prowling around new restaurants or food carts. Sushi, curries, and Thai are almost always sure winners.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
- compassion
- the oxford comma
- bulleted lists
- the ability to count
- a playful sense of mischief
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I lay awake the other night mulling over how to more accurately rewrite my answer to this question. Here's what I came up with...

Malcolm Gladwell described a "maven" in his book "The Tipping Point": Mavens are information specialists, or "people we rely upon to connect us with new information". They accumulate knowledge and know how to share it with others. In other words, these are the folks that geek out about a subject and try to grok it as much as possible.

I'm a maven about all sorts of things: computers/The Internet; photography; gender/sexuality/intimacy/relationships/polyamory; 80s music; game mechanics and theory; electronics; and a few other topics.

But if we collapse all that down and generically classify it all as "stuff", there's also all the ways we relate to and think *about* stuff: meaning, context, assumptions, ontologies, and other "meta" aspects about it. Sometimes these play a larger role in how we interact with stuff than the details of the stuff itself. I find this fascinating and I suspect I spend more time pondering this aspect than most other people probably do.

Apparently I also spend a lot of time thinking about what I spend a lot of time thinking about. ;)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Roll 1d6 and pick from the following:
1: fumble! temporary membership in the FNNLC (Friday Night No Life Club)
2-3: out exploring a wine tasting or brewpub someplace
4-5: whipping up epic nachos and enjoying a movie while cuddling
6: critical hit! enjoying of those protracted makeout sessions.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've been urinated on by an ocelot. Yes, really.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...You grok open relationships (I'm in one, very happily married, and she encourages me to date. We're 100% transparent in both directions with one another - ie, full disclosure and no secrets) I'm perfectly fine with all your existing relationships too.

...You believe in explicit consent and asking for what you need or want.

...We have a high match score and you'd like to get together just to see if we have any chemistry. I joke that I'm bilingual - I'm happy to meet for either tea *or* coffee. ;)'re okay with slow poly, and understand that just because life may keep us busy, that doesn't equate to disinterest. Being a part-time parent and a married partner already means there are pre-existing claims to my time, but for the right match, I'm totally interested and committed to exploring a new relationship...