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45 Portland, OR Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23–53
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 1:56pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body type
A little extra
Mostly vegetarian
Buddhism, but not too serious about it
Graduated from university
Has dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm not on OKC very often, mostly because I haven't found that more time correlates to more connections. But I am still very much interested in those connections, so, if you feel like you'd like to get together and share a coffee or tea or something, by all means, click that message button now! :)

I am an explorer, a sensualist, an adventurer. Life is short and chock full of too many things to experience them all. So I try to never pass up the opportunity to try something new, even if I'm not sure I'll like it. I'm in a very happily married open relationship and my partner lovingly supports me in these explorations. Life is good. :)

Between the discardability of "friends with benefits" and the commitment of "life partners", there is a whole continuum of ways to interact with others, and strangely seems somewhat unexplored in our culture. But it's an open space where one can bring connection, desire, curiosity, trust, and touch to another person. Right now I'd love to find someone also interested in a heart + body connection like that.

How about some buzzwords? These all apply to me or interest me in some shape or fashion, and are presented in alphabetical order for no particular reason...
- autodidactic
- bokeh
- ecstatic dance
- egalitarianism
- late harvest Gewürztraminer
- metta and karuna
- polyamory and open relationships
- radical self-expression
- sacred sexuality
- sapiosexuality
- third wave feminism
- yin yoga
Also feel free to read my question answers - I've annotated a number of them with further commentary that shines more light on what makes me tick.

And I want to share two quotes I delight in -- the first for its whimsy, and the second for its critical distinction:
> "There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data."

> "Consent is not the absence of a 'no' but the presence of a 'yes'"
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to figure how to hold down a day job that pays the bills while also growing into the kind of work I want to do - coaching relationship skills and facilitating others as they try to deepen their relationships.

When I'm not doing that, I enjoy playing games (as in "board and card", not as in "head"), or devoting time to learning everything I can about relationship dynamics, jealousy, intimacy, and communication. Photography is also a passion of mine and I've been doing a lot more of it lately.

I'm one of those folks who likes to tinker with their wiring. I'm really intrigued by own internal programming and my spiritual center and devote a lot of attention to better understanding both of those. I love interacting with other folks who are embarked on the same self-discovery path...
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
listening, communicating, negotiating, honoring boundaries, taking turns (I'm not having fun unless you're having fun too!), cuddling, and rather protracted makeout sessions.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
One or more of the following seem to be surprisingly common, depending on how we are interacting:
- "You have a great voice. Are you a DJ?"
- "Are those eyes blue?.. or grey?"
- "I can't believe I'm telling you all this! I don't normally talk about all this but it just feels so safe, like we've known each other for a long time..."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
"Sex at Dawn", "Undefended Love", "Tipping Point" are some of the books I find myself recommending to others because of the impact they had on me. A lot of my reading these days seems to revolve around psychology, sociology, or tantra, although historically I've generally read more fantasy/sci-fi than anything else.

My movie tastes tend to revolve around foreign, artsy, or indie flicks with some favorite names like: Jarmusch, Itami, Miyazaki, Kieslowski, Almodovar, Breillat, Woo, Greenaway, Gilliam, Lynch, plus the Coen and Wachowski brothers (well, I guess "brother and sister" now in the latter case). The more confronting or confounding a movie is, the more I relish it.

Tunage: It ranges a lot. I like bloopy stuff like Postal Service, M83, Passion Pit, and other fun indie styles. I love ethereal magic like Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, Dead Can Dance, Kate Bush, the Sundays, and more recently, Lorde and Birdy. I also love dance music usually along the mintech, progressive, or DnB genres. But then sometimes I just want some sassy jazz, some mellow blues, or perhaps a Broadway musical. And I seem to have the ability to do staggeringly well at any sort of 80s music trivia or "name that tune" game.

Food is another whole universe to explore, so I'm always happy to try something new there (although I stick to a generally vegetarian/pescatarian diet these days). It helps that I love to cook or go prowling around new restaurants or food carts. Sushi, curries, and Thai are almost always sure winners.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
- compassion
- the oxford comma
- bulleted lists
- the ability to count
- a playful sense of mischief
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
- everyone's inherent cultural programming and how we are able to access and change it
- possibilities for my next workshop or podcast
- game theory and mechanics
- how many different flavors of "intimacy" there are: physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, familial, and so many others. And how often people collapse these into one another, or seek one when actually desiring another. (like confusing sex with emotional intimacy)
- gender and how it matters (or doesn't). I make an effort to eschew the gender binary and stereotypical normative roles that come with it. I am comfortable with identifying as "bi","pan", or "queer" (with the note that I more often find attraction to those at the feminine/femme end of the spectrum than at the masculine/butch end -- but chemistry is often a fickle and capricious thing and soon as I make a statement like that, I tend to find an exception. ;) In any case, it really doesn't matter much to me if you're cis or trans, or how you identify as long as you're not angry militant about it.)

This list looks like a disparate mess, but I actually do think a lot about all these things.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Roll 1d6 and pick from the following:
1: fumble! temporary membership in the FNNLC (Friday Night No Life Club)
2-3: out exploring a wine tasting or brewpub someplace
4-5: whipping up epic nachos and enjoying a movie while cuddling
6: critical hit! enjoying of those protracted makeout sessions.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've been urinated on by an ocelot. Yes, really.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...You read the bloggish piece I linked up top and agreed with it.

...You grok open relationships (I'm in one, very happily married, and she encourages me to date. We're 100% transparent in both directions with one another - ie, full disclosure and no secrets) I'm fine with your existing relationships too.

...You are responsible at taking care of yourself. That includes your health (mental and physical), your emotional needs, being willing to ask for something you want, and being willing to express when something isn't working for you.

...We have a high match score and you'd like to get together just to see if we have any chemistry. I joke that I'm bilingual - I'm happy to meet for either tea *or* coffee. ;)'re okay with slow poly, and understand that just because life may keep us busy, that doesn't equate to disinterest. Being a parent and a partner already means there are pre-existing claims to my time, but for the right match, I'm totally interested and committed to exploring a new relationship...