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39 Oakland, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women who like men
  • Ages 28–37
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:49pm
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Not at all
Other, and laughing about it
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Science / Engineering
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Historical: NYC for five years, transplanted to North Carolina, where I felt like a city boy taken to the country. Thirteen years adjusting to the humidity, learning to love southern hospitality. Two years in Pennsylvania. I then fled that hard cold winter for two rounds of higher education in sunny Palo Alto.

That set the California hook in my mouth (beaches, waves, golden sunlight, silicon valley, technology, mountains). Now I find myself addicted to northern California, 12 years later. I really really like it here.

I put a lot of self-summary in "what I'm doing."

I should comment that I like to get the hell out of dodge for the weekend. Or longer when feasible. Day trips, camping, trips to tahoe, wherever, touristing all over CA. Mini-vacations just make life seem longer. Variety! Locally, I like Big Sur, Pinnacles, the Santa Cruz Coast, Sonoma, Marin, SF (since I'm not technically from there anymore), Tahoe. Further away, I want to go to Argentina, Chile, NYC (more often), Europe (again, more often), and Southeast Asia. Pacific islands wouldn't suck either.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
You only get one trip through this mortal coil, right? This question feels super-heavy right now. Kinda feels like it's harshing my mellow.

On a day to day basis, I get up, get out of bed and go to work. After I get there (often with a pause at some fancypants espresso bar), I lead an engineering team developing molecular diagnostic devices. When I'm super lucky, I get to do some engineering myself, but most of my time is spent making sure groups in the company communicate with each other, that we anticipate and deal with roadblocks before they block the road, and that I gently nudge the younger engineers and scientists in the direction of Correct Answers To Difficult Problems while providing them Vast Resources To Do Their Work.

Also, apparently, I write run-on sentences.

For fun I do strange exercises at the gym involving "METCON" and "Russian Poods," ride my bicycle (which, at last count, collected 5 different types of data to characterize its/my performance. As they say, you can take the engineer out of the lab, but you can't take the lab out of the engineer) generally uphill, climb fake (and real rocks), snowboard, travel, kibitz, debate, help old ladies with doors, grow tomatoes, fantasize about building redwood decks, saunas, and hot tubs, and try to kid around with everyone I meet.

To quote Santayana, I'm looking for a "reason for reason" (or maybe that's Santana). Whoever said it, just living life for climbing corporate ladders, travelling to exotic places, and acquiring experiences is getting old in my middle age. I'm seeking bonds with people, community, and connection in moments that feel like, well, a shirt made with heavy, well-loved cotton cloth. Old mid-80's Brooks Brothers. Not the flimsy cheap crap you get these days at Old Navy. (Updated: go to the flagship Banana Republic off Union Square. Go inside, to the Taylor Stitch kiosk where they let you order custom shirts. Feel up the japanese sailcloth. Get fresh with it. Touch it, touch it.)

Update: I helped sell that company, bought a condo in Oakland with a roof deck that is totally the apple of my eye, realized I didn't want to work for the acquiring company -- since it required moving to Texas, quit, hung out, worked for the Obama campaign, did a few long bike rides including one to Monterey, took up triathlon-ing, found a house in Tahoe to share with some folks for the winter, and am now living the good life in the bay area while looking for the right job.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Seeing different people's points of view. Understanding. Finding common ground. Constructing hammer-like arguments when Plan A fails.

Solving complex technical problems. Reducing them to simple steps and freshman-level words. Analogies. Metaphors.

I'm really bad at...

being angry and further, dealing when people I love are angry at me. Not a talent of mine. I rarely give cause, but fights have been known to occur in relationships after a while.

Just saying is all.

Angry people in a professional setting are no problem, although that occurs close to never.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My accent, which is very hard to place. Props to you if you get it right.
Sense of humor and laugh.
Appreciation for beauty.
Curiosity about the world and ideas.
Quirkiness and quotability. Seriously -- a friend at work keeps a log of "funny stuff Ben said."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Kierkegaard. Existentialism -- a philosophy for the 21st century more than the 19th.

Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse.

The Wire
Alton Brown

Sushi, done right.
Omelets, made according to aformentioned Alton Brown's Seven Step Method For Perfect Omelets. Or A La Jacques Pepin.

The Chairman Bao truck, which used to park in front of my apartment in SF every Weds. Oh wait, that's "The Chairman Truck" now.

Anything by David Kinch, or the people who have come up through his kitchen. Same goes for Alice Waters.

Radiohead. Foo Fighters. U2. Alternative rock, but with significant interest in other music -- if it's good. Quality over genre.

Plays. Movies with a point, and good execution. Characters. More to the point, characters who grow.

Art. It opens my eyes to other points of view.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What matters to me and why. How to put down roots in a community and build a foundation for a life that has meaning beyond material things and fun experiences. What substance is, and what is really meaningful.

Also, sex.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Last few:
Yoga class in SF followed by dinner with friends (old and new).
Dinner party at the house of my old roommate.
Birthday party for a high school friend.
Packing for a trip to [fill in outdoors location].

And if I'm really lucky, going on a date with you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have an ongoing internal debate over whether it's more dignified to shave my head or just keep cutting my hair short to make my mid-thirties hair loss appear minimal.

Further update: done. Compliments received, as well. No photos taken as of yet -- you'll have to imagine me with 1/4 to 1/2 inch long hair.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
* some common ground
* some difference of opinion
* love for debate
* hatred for argument (not really, actually)
* you have been called "outdoorsy" and "funny"
* must be able to tolerate (even like?) bullet-pointed lists, venn diagrams and other nerd jokes.

And of course, if you want to.