caricatures, space, being indianna jones crossed with macgyver and
therefore good places to hide antique cultural artefacts that are
wanted by nazis while simultaneously thinking how to build a rocket
launcher with a photo of somebody's mother, a potato, a tea cosy
and a lighter. and also sex. And what it would be like to follow a
late london bus rushing through town, as it tried to get to work on
time - then watch it stand up and jiggle towards my local curry's,
bend double and squeeze through the doors as it hurriedly digs out
an inaccurate name badge and bluetacks it onto its hard metal
underside as the manager gives him (its a boy bus) a dirty look. I
imagine he would try to hide his blind hatred by turning to serve a
customer but unfortunately, due to his large, unwieldy form,
accidentally knock over several display stands as he turns,
spraying toasters and kettles all over the shop (because..it's an
actual shop see?). He would apologise to the customers, and scoop
up most of the goods in his large wheels, which he is obviously
using as hands. (I hope you out there, you staring at your computer
screen, I hope you have already realised that such a
personification would of course use his wide encompassing wheels as
hands and feet, for, if not, you may as well stop reading this now
and return to your dubious search for love with the assistance of
okcupids inane little helper, here holds no future for you. The a
star students will have already have questioned the stability of
using alloy wheels to hold a collection of medium sized electrical
goods and figured out that if he is up on his back wheels, then the
inside of the wheel will be the side we would envision as palms.
The inside would of course be rather sunken, providing handy
receptacles into which one may place such goods, with little danger
of them rolling away, even the mischievous kettles. This may even
have been the key physical feature, of such an awkward individual,
that swung the interviewers mind when considering him for a
position)...I also think about the customers. Those who have been
mildly grazed by these by no means small electrical goods - would
they be vexed at having been so inconvenienced? should they perhaps
be angry? should they be shocked, or at least perhaps miffed, at a
large london bus attempting to engage in basic retail work in their
local electrical goods shop? Will we ever know? perhaps if i don't
lose interest in this thought thread after going to eat, perhaps we
will. I doubt it though. Perhaps stewart lee would tell me (off).
Who could ever know?
