Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


29 M Gainesville, FL

My Details

Last Online
Today – 2:19am
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Used up
Mostly other
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Dropped out of university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I hate disclaimers but here it goes... Rating me five stars isn't going to get me to message you. I'll just rate you back and hide your profile. Either talk to me or don't, damn. I'm not a stuck up bitch, I'll probably respond.

"I've reached a point in my life where I can tell myself the specters in the bath tub aren't real."

My name is a reference to a Bukowski poem about how as beautiful as cranes are and as much as your might want to be one, the freedom of having sex with a prostitute and hanging yourself in Monterey at noon is still better than standing on one leg all the time. It sounds better when he says it but it means something totally deep and shit, I swear.

I'm just a nocturnal weirdo who enjoys the simpler things in life, like vintage video games, flowers, cats, beer, historical firearms, and remembering useless facts.
What I’m doing with my life
Mostly being creepy as shit, professionally and otherwise. Working all night or furthering my knowledge of the weird and dangerous. I also take care of my awesome 95 year old grandma sometimes. Eventually learning how to be a machinist, I guess.
I’m really good at
Handsy things, games of just about every flavor, petting cute animals, making drinks, being weird, useless facts, telling terrible stories, and all kinds of hoodrat things.
The first things people usually notice about me
"You're weird."

Or I'm a young Severus Snape, apparently.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like Charles Bukowski and Philip K Dick which probably speaks volumes about my personality. I haven't read many books in a while but I have read enough Nietzsche, Sartre, Camus, and Dostoyevsky to be pretentious. I don't take guns to the beach because of The Stranger, I also enjoy a good detective novel or something with Nazis sometimes too. I don't normally read manga but Lone Wolf and Cub is probably one of the greatest things I've ever read.

My favorite movies are Blade Runner, Memento, Shawn of the Dead, Drive, Means Girls, Kurosawa films, Moulin Rouge, Snatch/Rock N Rolla and a lot of stuff with Gary Oldman because I like him. I grew up watching Repo Man. Moon made me love Sam Rockwell even more.

I love Top Gear, Workaholics, Archer, Walking Dead (for better or for worse), Beavis and Butthead, Simpsons, some of Seth Macfarlane's comedy abortions, Eastbound and Down, Deadwood, and Storage Wars. I mean, come on Barry fucking rocks. I used to watch more anime but I haven't seen anything good in a while. I identify heavily with Bored to Death so ask me about my reasonable detective rates. Community and The Soup because Joel McHale is one handsome guy.

DJ Krush, Daedalus, Saltillo, Nocando, Starfawn, the Low End Theory crew, Nasty Nasty, Fred V & Grafix, Tom Waits, Blockhead, Def Jux, Juggaknots, Clams Casino, Epic 45, and an assortment of electronic noises. I will also rock the fuck out to early Metallica, Queens of the Stone Age, Darkest Hour, and shitty 90's rock/grunge. I also enjoy jazz, classical, opera, random ambient/worldy music, and random bullshit radio songs.

As far as food goes I like a lot of things but I hate cheese. Yeah, I said it.

This list is by no means exhaustive I just don't want to type all this shit out for you animals.
The six things I could never do without
My fancy blue car, Cats McGee, my family, civil liberties, adventure, and my pistol.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The sad state of the world, trimming my eyebrows, rum, shooting things, the police state, dope beats, organic farming, starting a motorcycle gang, and why the rest of the world just can't embrace the idea of "sweet tea." How to turn people's brain chemicals into drugs. That came to me after an episode of The Magic School Bus.
On a typical Friday night I am
Ingesting cat tranquilizer or drinking the worst drinks at Bocamino.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I put everything up to my face and smell it. It's a problem.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You're scraping the bottom of the "weird" barrel.