then tyler durden turned to marla singer and said "you met me at a very strange time in my life"
I used to keep a series of catch phrases and one liners that I felt best emulated the current manifestation of myself that I wanted to portray. I've removed it all... because I just can't be bothered to make the attempt. I'm seeking nothing and expecting nothing... so the rest is pulled for service for the time being until I bother to write something witty and clever. Which considering the limited amount of time I'm likely to devote to this site, will take quite a while.
I don't bother to check this often - so replies are likely to be sporadic at best but if you want to know more, simply ask. I'm a pretty straight forward, direct and open person.
Then I realized that someone kept changing the teleprompter every time I'd go to say my line and eventually I just said fuck it.
As with all things... this is subject to change at any moment and without fear of wind or vertigo.
The fact that I consistently can't answer the "Are you happy with your life?" question is kind of a good indicator as to the lack of overall understanding. I just don't think that type of question can possibly be yes or no. It's just too broad. Too many variables.
Some of the happiest times in my life were some of the saddest for others and vice versa... which thinking back to the happy moments makes me sad and looking at my sad moments knowing it made them happy makes me happy so it's still just very complicated. I'm still figuring out the formula. Get back to me in another 10 years... I should have a functioning algorithm by then.
I'm also using words like happy and sad....which is a bit misleading as my expression of emotion is less in line with expectations... but it was just the easiest way to explain the conundrum.
Is introverted machiavellian even a thing? Did I take that quiz right?
Second my communication is always slightly off... I routinely fail the turing test and exist pleasantly in the uncanny valley. Like a martian trying it's damndest to emulate proper human interaction basing it off outdated sitcoms and internet memes. Also... fair warning... I'm likely going to say something that offends you. It won't be intentional, it will be awkward. Conversing with me from here means informed consent of this.
I used to read a lot more actual "books" as opposed to articles and various shorter writings strewn about the net. I've been too fixated on emerging technologies in my newly directed field of study (machine intelligence for reference since I kinda figure I work as a good intermediary between the two)
Music... do I have to? Alright fine... yes. Music is a very big part of my life. It's been relative to a few of my former and side job careers. I'm quite well versed in most genres of music and find myself easily "at home" in any type of venue. More on this at some other point.
I do enjoy a number of shows and modern cinema, I'm a big 80s horror fan (less a far of the modern cat scares shit... but if it's decent I'll likely watch it... and then be cynical about it afterwards over dinner) . If the new season of AHS gives you tingles or feelings of compersion we'll likely get along splendidly. If you can't watch it because clowns or genetic diversification frightens or sickens you... well likely we won't be spending much time together any time soon. That's as much information on that subject as I'm going to give right now.
Food? One of the few things I can always still be passionate about. Whether it's creating it or enjoying it. I've opened my own restaurant and worked as some of the best places in the world. I got out of the "game" for a reason that currently no longer seems relevant and rarely have much reason to really push my culinary muscles anymore. If you can hold a conversation about spices, you might actually pique my interest for longer than standard.
so.... I guess oxygen, water, food.... blood? Do I really need to give you two more of these you get the point.
I'm an overly self spoiled bastard though and I am quite accustomed to my "niceties" but when forced to... I will sustain albeit at a sub-optimal level.
Every system failure requires me to do excessive log reviews, over and over and over again until I can try to come to some at least plausible working theory of cause... so that takes up a lot of my time when someone gets upset about something I said at the bar at least once a day.
...lots and lots of queued up reviews and behavior analysis.
I had a recent MRI for unrelated issues and during which, to the displeasure of others and indifference to me, determined I'm not a sociopath as was often joked about (at least I don't have the telltale sociopath shadow on the brain, I can elaborate with the medical journal articles to anyone interested). So, instead I'm pretty sure I'm a vulcan... or a robot who believes he's real... or some martian pod person... but I'm probably just garden variety high functioning autistic.
Ok... I'm leaving that one... cause I stand by that. If you're that disregard everything else I said so far in this profile and just write me as if I'm actually a very personable and charismatic, maybe even charming person. I "person" well when need be.