Akien MacIain, Secret Agent Of Happiness...

Men: while it says bi above, I am VERY selective about guys. See the end of this section for more info...

Lets start with relationships. I am a relationship geek, I enjoy talking about how relationships work, the feelings behind them, and the benefits we get from them. In part this means, for me, that relationships, intimacy, love, touch and sex are where I express my artistic drive. I am always looking for ways to delight my partner, be it in our adventures, domestic life, or the intricate intimacies of love. I also see relationships as a place to grow. So they should bring both some challenge, and also support in rising to those challenges. I'd like to be a bodice buster when (if?) I grow up.

Next, and very important, I am polyamorous. I am always interested in meeting new people, whether that be for friends, lovers, and partners. For me polyamory is about creating deep connections of friendship, love, family and community. As time permits, I teach classes in the five languages of love, jealousy management, making effective agreements, poly for the shy, and polyamory 101. I am also just the tiniest bit bi, when I find just the right sort of creative and gentle man.

Central parts of my life is are my primary, and my daughter. I am happy in an open and very committed relationship with the delightful klrmn, whom I love deeply. One of our challenges has been to sort out what it is to be so strongly connected, and yet still very independent. I enjoy sharing her with others that also share well. Ideally, we'd like to someday live again in a triad or a quad. Tho as we're both bi, the gender of the person isn't terribly important.

My daughter is 12 as of this writing, and as ADD as I am.

VERY Important to me are Sex and Intimacy. klrmn and I have an intimacy fetish, I love knowing someone very deeply, building emotional resonance at many levels with them. Emotional depth. Intellectual depth. Shared experience. Sensual depth. We practice a form of energy play, loosely based on tantra and sexual energetics. Sometimes it includes the constructive and intentional use of intoxicants help to narrow our focus to the connection. I used to be overly sexually driven, in the last few years, that's subsided some, having finally found a partner who really matches me sexually. I am still a twice a day and six times on Sunday type, but the centeredness I can now bring to it is wonderful. I have often led with sex, since I was good enough at it to feel confident about it. That said, it's the deeper intimacies I seek most. I take "no" well, and I expect you to be good about saying it when you need to. As a part of intimacy with me or us, a playful attitude and positive outlook on life are critically important.

Things I do to amuse myself OTHER than relationships include a very diverse set of things. By choice, I don't own a TV. I love watching movies on the laptop tho. I specialize in not taking myself too seriously. I love making people laugh; playing dress up; flying in a wind tunnel; cooking as a performance art; practicing swordplay; jumping from airplanes; doing freestyle dance as a meditation in movement; practicing chiropractic and massage; hunting images with my camera; writingpoetry; reading; doing calligraphy; studying spirit, cognition, psychology and neurology, neurochemistry; consciously redesigning myself... (personal growth)... And I often scheme about how to trick the world into changing for the better.

I very much jump into new things in order to learn them. Challenges at work, new relationships, a new hobby, whatever. I am completely self educated, and love learning. I am an alpha male. I am dominant without being domineering. I value playfulness highly. I am strong and resilient, emotionally and physically. My Meyers-Briggs type is ENFP.

To pay the bills, I am designing test automation software architecture for Delta Dental.

Some thoughts on my past and the idea of love as art:

When I was a kid, I read The Hite Report. One of the things many of the women quoted in it talked about was how awful their male partners had been. As an adolescent boy, I mistakenly took this to mean that all I needed to be successful in relationship was to be really good at sex. So I devoured everything I could find on the topic. Medical texts, books on technique, you name it. I became extremely adept, only to realize that relationships are about relating first, not about sex first. Well, most of the ones I wanted to be in, anyway. So I learned about relationship dynamics. I spent ten years doing relationship coaching for the polyamory communities. Then I went to a few sex parties, and discovered that making that initial connection was different than either of those two areas of learning. That's what I'm working on learning now.

I am not Don Juan. Don Juan was a user of women. Trying to sleep with as many partners as possible to satisfy his own physical appetites. Nothing wrong with that per se, but it's not me. For me, most of the time that's too shallow of a connection.

Giacomo Casanova, on the other hand, while a very sexual being, *loved* women. Whether he became sexual with them or not. With every woman he could remain in contact with via correspondence, he did for the whole of his days.

I am not Casanova either, but I do share some of those feelings.

Seduction's adrenaline does not draw me. Nor pride at conquest. But Love... Touching deeply and emotionally... Love draws me as an art form the way a flame draws a moth. The words I use, the way I touch a lover, the ways I think of them when we are apart... I try to treat all of those romantic aspects of relationship as a place where I express my artistic drive.

Once, many years ago, when I had very little money, I told my then love, F, that I would take her out to dinner for her birthday. I told her to dress nice, for this was to be a formal dinner. She took this with some surprise, as she knew I had little resources to draw upon. I took her to a downtown area with a number of restaurants, and as we walked past one, I suddenly steered us into it... It was a Burger King. She was quite taken aback. In front of us was a man, my best friend at the time, dressed in full formal attire. He greeted us, and led us to a formally appointed table. We were served sparkling apple cider, and given ornate menus to pick from. His girlfriend, also dressed in full formal wear, came and took our orders, and later, on fine china, delivered our meal. It was a lovely evening, one we both remember to this day (we are still friends). Loving as art.

I tend to know fairly quickly if I will fall in love with someone. And if I don't, nothing can create it. But if I do, then the game is afoot. Not every moment of day to day life is like the dinner above, but I do seek out ways where I can enjoy delighting my loves.

I also have high standards. I will make touching you an art, I will share deeply, I will even share my very hot sweetie with you, I will write you poetry, I will cook amazing things... *IF*... If *you* are smart. Strong. Independent. Playful. Not stuck in your comfort zone. Willing to be challenged, to be supported in the challenge, and to do the same for me/us. If you are seeking new and shared experiences. Wanting to connect with emotional depth. Have a large appetite for pleasure of many kinds. If you are a blend of feminine and masculine. Willing to say and hear no gracefully. I am all these things. You need to be too.

Right now I'm looking for connections I can include in my life, willing to spend time with me, klrmn and my daughters. If you spend time on IM, even better. I like being able to reach out and touch briefly throughout the day.

I love exploring myself and the world... And maybe you. Let me tempt you... Explore with me, or with us, if you're up for it...

For boys: As I said I'm very selective. I prefer slender, gentle, slightly subby men, who are good at energy play, are emotionally open, and can support themselves financially and so on. Androgyny is good. *grin* I historically warm to men slowly. Mostly right now, I'm not interested in just a boyfriend, but rather to create a triad with klrmn. Just because we want a hot bi babe doesn't mean they have to be female. *grin*

Ideal first date
We go get tea or drinks, maybe lunch... Something casual, playful. See if we are good material for friends. If we click, and you're lucky, I cook for you. We talk more over dinner, then go for a walk in the twilight.

For a long time, I had ADD. You know what that means, right? No, it means I got bored and distractable because of a lack of adequate challenges. Adventure Deficit Disorder. Now I'm curing that.

I have been doing skydiving in the vertical wind tunnel in Union City www.iflysfbay.com, and jumped out of an airplane for the first time in Aug09 at www.skydanceskydiving.net in Davis.

I've also been dancing just about weekly at http://ecstaticdance.org/

You can find some of my favorite culinary creations (with recipes) at:
http://akienm.livejournal.com/tag/cooking

I also am learning photography, you can see some here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/akienm/sets/72157600003973888/

You can also find me at:
http://akienm.livejournal.com
http://www.facebook.com/akienm#/akienm?v=info
http://profiles.friendster.com/50345
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/akien-maciain/1/1bb/ab3
http://www.mandalaenterprises.com

You can also contact me directly at
email: akienm@gmail.com
AIM:akienm
YIM:akienm
MSN:akienm@weirdness.org
Gtalk:akienm@gmaill.com
Jabber:akienm@gmail.com or akienm@livejournal.com

And if you're lazy: here's the Google search for me

As mentioned above, I also speak and teach on relationship skills and Polyamory.

Me speaking at Montel on Polyamory:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcZh5lVN5kg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osb71yDgnlo

More stuff about poly I'm mentioned in:
http://practicalpolyamory.blogspot.com/2008/07/loving-more-west-in-redwoods.html
http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-7030101.html
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4176/is_20051211/ai_n15920486/
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2008/04/poly-pro-and-con.html
http://www.lovemore.com/conferences/polyliving/plw09presenters.html
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2247423/posts
http://schooloftantra.net/worldpolyamoryassociation/Faculty/faculty_MNOP.html

And because somebody asked:

I am 5'10", 44 inch chest, 17.5 inch neck, and smallish hands and feet, shoes men's 8 narrow (or a woman's 10 wide). Big where I need to be, less so where not.

Yes. And that too.

The attention I can bring to something, or someone, interesting.

1) Love
2) Romance
3) Intensity
4) Kissing
5) Energetic Emotional Resonance
6) Sex

My partners, Love, Cognition, Joy, Romance, Fun, Solving impossible problems, Psychology, and Lunch.

Ask me anything... I don't do secrets.

If you're intrigued rather than scared off by the above...

If you send me a word, I'll send you back a poem.