I am a high-society jewel thief and I see no reason to hide it. If you work for Interpol I look forward to a well-played game of international cat and mouse, which you will lose of course.
For tax purposes I'm a writer and filmmaker. Kidding! I don't pay taxes.
Once I took a boat to Europe; sang, drank, and traded sea stories with Filipinos and Romanians, then spent a year teaching swear words to French teenagers (Zis eez bullsheet!).
In BA for the near future. On my way down here I was attacked twice by groups of children and robbed by a pregnant woman. It's tough being a celebrity.
I think genuineness and trying are cool.

The other day a man got on the train with a woman holding a crying baby. He said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm a young father, trying to make a living the only way I know how...", then rapped for three stops about beating the shit out of people while the baby cried. When he offers a career seminar I will take it.

Making you laugh when I hit my head on the subway.

And Twitter. If reading that turned you off completely, we're probably soulmates.

I'm a total butterface.

Hemingway, Tao Lin, Chogyam Trungpa. The past is old white men but it's a woman's world now.

Tree of Life, Casablanca, La Dolce Vita, Inland Empire, Twin Peaks, Jules and Jim, foreign, pretentious, bad horror, good horror. I cannot stand Quentin Tarantino and I consider taste in film an Absolute Dealbreaker.

That awkward moment in the theater after a great movie ends
Bill Murray
Drinking the first five cups of coffee after waking up
Wearing costumes
Art that makes me hungry for places
British sketch comedy

The Hubble Ultra Deep Field. Faulkner's Nobel Prize acceptance speech.

Why do so many girls on here say, "Only write if you can keep up with me"? Are you going to challenge me to a race? (You will lose that too...)

At a stranger's party I found out about through facebook stalking

I have a man-crush on George Clooney.

You're mature, smart as hell, and don't take yourself too seriously. Your mind goes from classy to the gutter in a heartbeat. You're not into Ayn Rand or Richard Dawkins. You think we're all human beings regardless of politics, religion, or geography (except, of course, the French).

Also, it probably won't work out if: you're only looking for marriage, you're in any way homophobic, racist, or misogynist (yes, being unwilling to date bisexual people is homophobic and women can be misogynists), you have no interest in 'alternative' relationships. Unless we're 99% enemies, then we must meet... so I can destroy you.

[Also also: I have never written back to anyone that's used that Quickmatch thing, and if you are about to do that just say "hi" instead.]