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45 M San Diego, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–51
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 9:42pm
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from Ph.D program
Sales / Marketing
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), Yiddish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Thank you for shopping at Alwaysenjoyit.

Hello, I'm an unusually analytic, intellectual, hedonistic, non-monogamous Jewish Atheist (i.e., a secularjewmanist) who is living a simultaneously conventional and unconventional life. Put another way, I'm a rebel with limits and/or a very ethical slut. Moreover, I'm quite interesting, kind, respectful, considerate, youthful, funny, great company and thrive on putting people at ease. I am drama-free (but not comedy-free) and unable to reproduce thanks to a vasectomy a couple years back. You could also say (and get no argument from me) I'm down to earth, adventurous, hyper-educated, passionate, respectful/well-mannered/polite, funny, quirky, fun-loving, thoughtful, caring, ethical, honest, non-conformist, curious, insightful, and sensual. If you wanted to add that I'm an unusually good-looking fellow, I might even buy you a drink.

Physically, you can judge for yourself by the recent pictures posted on the site. I keep fit by working out regularly and eating well (in case you were curious). My good to bad cholesterol is off the charts if that happens to turn you on. And don't even get me started about my bone density. The fact is if someone calls me "very dense" I can't help but take it as compliment since I happen to be beyond two standard deviations from the mean.

Likes: Intelligence, honesty, originality, thoughtfulness, rationality, openness, beauty, independence, internal locus of control, sense of humor, vivacity, kindness, optimism, authenticity, dark chocolate.

Dislikes: prejudice, racism, stupidity, dishonesty, rudeness, cruelty, flakiness, religious fundamentalism, closed/narrow-mindedness, bell peppers.

---------- And now for the unusual part:

My unconventional life...I also happen to be a happily married man who has been so for eighteen years. We have a solid and open relationship, which my wife would be happy to confirm. She too has the same freedoms (and has a profile on here) so there is no double standard. We happen to believe that traditional monogamous relationships are less than ideal. I do hold the commitment of marriage in high esteem and think it's preferred to have a partner for the long haul, but I just don't believe monogamy is natural or leads to happiness. A spouse isn't expected to be the sole provider of other kinds of stimulation (intellectual, friendship, love, etc.), so it is irrational for sex to be singled out. Plus, I greatly dislike artificial and illogical limitations. I want the largest, most fulfilling life I can have. Don't you?

I concur with Trish-da-Dish when she so eloquently posited "Relationships, to me, are not about limiting the other person's freedoms, but about encouraging each other to be happy and working through whatever emotions come up in order to grow."

I would argue the best kinds of marital (or any) relationships are built on trust and respect. Basically, an ideal marriage is like having a best friend/partner with benefits. The truth is, after more than seventeen years of being married (in my case), the friendship/partnership remains strong but those benefits are much less important/interesting/frequent/passionate than they were in the beginning. That's natural and I think anybody that expects to have a lifetime of passion with one person is naive and in for significant disappointment.

Flight of the Conchords capture marital sex quite hysterically:

Ayn12111 eloquently captured my perspective which I paraphrased...Every person should be responsible for creating and maximizing their own happiness, but it's not a philosophy that jives well, or actually at all, with the Western (and especially American) Prince Charming ideal of relationships. The entire premise of "finding the one" and promising lifetime monogamy, or even entering into successive serial monogamous relationships, is built on the foundation of another person accepting responsibility for your happiness, and in turn, you accepting responsibility to provide for theirs. And this breeds insecurity, jealousy and the abandonment of a fantastic range of human connections.

Note: When factoring the years before marriage, my wife and I practiced monogamy for our first eleven years together (and in that time neither of us ever made an exception as we played by the agreed upon rules). Our non-monogamous era has been the last dozen or so years. The reason I mention this is that I have extensive experience with both monogamy and non-monogamy and thus have a uniquely credible vantage point.

And then there's my conventional life...I am a professional and a parent to a wonderful 8 year-old daughter and live in the "burbs." I enjoy playing tennis and softball (not concurrently), watching movies (with an emphasis on classics and independent films but also enjoy mindless comedies), going to the theater, concerts and traveling.

I don't want to put too many parameters on what I am looking for on this site (because you never know), but my goal is to meet only nice, down-to earth, disease-free, and subjectively attractive women for friendship, socializing and the opportunity for new erotic experiences. I DO NOT want to interact with FLAKES. My free time (like yours no doubt) is too precious for last minute cancellations or plans that are more likely to change than to remain.

I also don't like long cyber communication. If I like your profile, then I am happy to throw caution to the wind and meet in person. I would rather have an awkward dinner where I am fixated on how I can leave as soon as possible (but still learn a little more about the human species) than a pleasant three month pen-pal relationship.

I thoroughly enjoy sex (and sensuality) but have limits on my level of adventure. I'm not particularly kinky outside of my comfort with multiple female partners (concurrent or simultaneous). I'm not into anal sex, hardcore BDSM (a little bondage and spanking can be nice), or anything that is about pain or degradation (I can get enough of that at work). I really enjoy sensuality, flirting, kissing, oral sex (giving even more than receiving), and prefer slower, more sensuous sexual experiences versus anonymous, super-aggressive porno style sex. That noted, I am rather versatile and get the most excitement out of pleasing my partner, so if it works for you, there's a good chance I will enjoy it. Good kissing is key.

I like to meet for drinks or dinner, chat and get to know someone beyond a superficial level. If chemistry and trust are established, then I am open to the evening continuing. I'm a no-pressure person. If at any point, either of us feels like calling it a night, that's fine. All in all, I like to try to let things come naturally.

My ideal is to make real friends with exceptional benefits for ongoing intellectual and physical good times. But making good friends without benefits is nice and enjoying benefits without becoming friends is also nothing to shake a stick at. As long as safety is factored, I don't shy away from pleasure.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to live life to its fullest and make the world a better place at the same time.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
kissing, work, sports, humor, putting people at ease, cunnilingus, Words with Friends, verbosity, a lot more, and of course, modesty.

For additional evidence that I'm good at stuff, check out my awards found on the journal tab of my profile ( I pasted the awards I accumulated over the first three years on this site. Other references available upon request.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My humongous schlong. I'm kidding; it's not the first thing that they notice.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
This is Spinal Tap, The Godfather, The Graduate, Annie Hall, Fast Times at Ridgemont High are five that come to mind off the top of my head. Relatively recently, I really enjoyed 50-50 (I cried), Social Network, Toy Story 3 (I cried), True Grit, Kings Speech, the Fighter and Moneyball.

Portnoy's Complaint, The God Delusion, Atlas Shrugged, Autobiography of Malcom X, Lolita and Foreskin's Lament.

Louis, Party Down, 30 Rock, Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire, Life is Short, Californication, Mad Men, Dexter, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Daily Show, Sopranos, Entourage, Flight of the Concords, the Office (British and US versions), Arrested Development, Sons and Daughters, Freaks and Geeks.

The Beatles, Billy Joel, Elvis Costello, They Might be Giants, Queen, the Who, the Clash, the Kinks, Paul Simon, Harry Nillson, Steely Dan, Prince, AC DC, Elton John, Neil Diamond, Weezer and a lot of other stuff including show tunes.

Podcasts: Savage Love, 60 minutes, This American Life, Wait, wait, don't tell me, Real Time Bill Maher, and WTF with Marc Marron
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
There are many things (or people) that I would never want to do without including, my family, friends, earned savings, avocados, the NFL, GPS, my Droid, the internet, music, art, comedy, sex but ultimately I would adapt to losing anything. I'm resilient.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Sex, politics, sports, work, whether free will exists, the meaning of life, evolution, religion, my family. I have also spent a lot of time recently thinking about my good fortune.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Either having a an evening filled with debauchery or sleeping by 11:00 (ideally both).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I think revealing my open relationship is plenty. But here's one more...My masturbation to sex with another ratio is much too high. That reminds me of the Woody Allen quotation,"Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love."
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
1) You are reasonably sane (e.g., you can't imagine ever boiling a bunny).

2) you find me attractive, are looking for a really great guy that is unusually honest and ethical, and you would like to share some immense intellectual and sensual stimulation. For those of you that are ultimately looking for a long-term, traditional relationship, I posit that seeing me is not at odds with that goal. I would do no nothing to impede and would be totally supportive. I believe that one is much more likely to find an ideal relationship when content without one. I could be of help for interim contentment.

3) You read my entire profile. If you have that type of stamina, I'd love to reward you with real life interaction. Don't worry, I'm not nearly as verbose in real life.

4) You agree with at least one of the following quotations:
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” — Dr. Carl Sagan or "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain
Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it'll get you the right ones.' - John Lennon

5) You are kind of intrigued and have some questions. I am very courteous and will politely reply to all messages.

6) You are not a flake. Time is such a precious resource.

7) If I take the time to write you first. I greatly appreciate the courtesy of a response. I am not a fan of ambiguity and take rejection very well. I will remain fond of myself independent of your interest in me. Trust me, if I was looking for validation, I'd have a very different lifestyle.

8) You think the following is funny: (if the link doesn't work, just do a search for "Dan Rikki Lake" on Youtube and it's the first entry). This is my 1995 appearance on the Rikki Lake show. Sure it's a real long time ago and my glasses and jacket were huge, but it was my TV high point and if you don't think I was funny, I'm sure that we won't get along.