Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Tl;dr If you're chubby, have a beard, but don't have a cat or a
kid... Say hi.
I've been out of the online dating game for almost a year now. My
profile has been deactivated and definitely needed some editing.
While it was pretty funny... I'm not the bitter, hateful asshole I
was a year ago. I'm a lot happier but I'd still consider myself
realistic. I don't have much time on my hands but I'm open to new
people in my life at this point.
I'll add some more to this soon. I'm just not sure what I want to
throw out there immediately
I will however leave one piece for this section from my old
********If you don't like 'em tattooed, pierced, and chubby....you
need not apply. I'm well aware that I'm an acquired taste... and if
my style/body shape isn't your cup of tea... no worries... also
despite what you may have heard gentlemen, not all fat girls are
easy ;) ********
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work... a lot! I work full time doing what I absolutely love...
trying to build my business. I also have a part time job that I
enjoy very much.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Not getting pregnant. While I'm probably very capable... it seems
that I know all of these mythical secrets that the rest of the
women in Oklahoma aren't aware of.... weird, right?! So I don't
have to put on my profile "I'm the parent of (insert ridiculous
number higher than zero here) wonderful kid(s)" umm... real quick
note.. yeah... if all of your kids were actually wonderful... as
each of you claim they are... I wouldn't want to put a bullet in my
face every time I go out in public.
Did I fill this section out correctly? Is that how it works? :)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I watch way too much tv.... if you like any of the following.. we
might get along
Its always sunny in philadelphia (obviously)
Law & Order SVU
The IT Crowd
The Jeselnik Offensive
Masterchef (honestly anything with Gordon Ramsay)
The Walking Dead
The Big Bang Theory
I could go on with the reality stuff that I like but that's just
Movies: I love comedies... But if the movie has Jason Segel, Paul
Rudd, or Emma Stone in it... I'm sold! I also like action
**** Chronicle is the worst movie ever... and if I ever meet Josh
Trank I'm going to punch him right in the dick .. not only for
subjecting the world to that but also because he was picked to
direct the new fantastic four... the fuck?! Favorite childhood
super heroes ruined :(
As for music... I love what I call fun rock... My favorite band is
called You Me And Everyone We Know... They truly make me happy....
my loves are Yellowcard, Motion City Soundtrack and
I also listen to a bit of pop (But having a vagina means that I'm
allowed to do so)
Books... well... no thanks... I do however read the web comic
Cyanide and Happiness religiously
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
how to become successful and happy
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
working or at home browsing imgur wishing I were at a movie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have strange hiccups... they just happen one at a time...
randomly and have been compared to everything from the sound of a
chihuahua being stepped on to a pterodactyl (I just chose not to
argue with that last one... because let's face it... No one knows
for sure that they didn't sound like that)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
* If you don't tan.
*If you don't shave your arms/legs (unless it's for tattoos).
*If you don't own a cat... Cats are just awful.... But the only
thing worse than a cat... Is a grown man with a cat. There is no
wiggle room with this one... at all... 100% fuck no.
*If in every picture you're not wearing a hat and/or sunglasses.
You don't want a fat girl with only face shots, do you? I want to
know what I'm getting myself into, as well.
*If the "offspring" and "pet" portion of your profile isn't blank.
I will assume you have 6 kids and twice as many cats if it
*If you have a real beard and not just an Amish beard.
*If you don't think "baby" or "babygirl" is an appropriate name to
call someone you don't know... especially in an initial
*If you don't do any illegal drugs.
*If you don't think a single question mark is a sufficient text
*If you didn't watch any of the twilight movies... I know I know "a
girl made me do it".... sure she did.
*If you're not separated, in an open relationship, or still living
with your ex. I'm looking for someone who is single and none of
*If the main pic of you isn't one where you're lifting up your
shirt in the mirror to show off your abs that I wont care
*If you don't tuck in your t-shirts
*If when I'm reading the answers to your questions... I don't see
that you think homosexuality is a sin but that you'll fuck on the
first date. Some of you are so ridiculous that it's comical.
*If you can't tell... I may be a tad uptight :) so I do prefer a
chill guy... they definitely help me relax... but please.. NO
HIPPIES!(If you're wondering if you're a hippie... 2 questions can
clear things up... would you want to go to colorado for any reason
at all? Are you a vegan? If you answered yes to either of these...
ding ding ding... we have a winner) I mean I care about the earth
and everything but.... haha... jk... I don't care about the
*If you don't talk to your mom more than the girl you're dating...
orphans preferred... mama's boys strictly prohibited!!
*If you don't reverse into parking spaces. (sorry to the 99% of
black guys that this eliminates)
*If you can hold up your end of a conversation. A conversation
isn't one person asking questions and the other person just
answering them. That's called an interview. So if you're responding
to my questions and my responses stop... That means your interview
is over and you didn't get the job :)
*If you only ask questions you really want the answer to (I'll do
the same I promise).
*If you know when to be a gentleman and know when it's okay not to
*If you're okay with the fact that I will be a little cunty
*If you're not a ginger
To the sports/outdoorsy guys.... I'm not going to an OU game with
you... I'm not going to a thunder game with you... and I am
certainly NOT going camping or fishing with you. However... if
you're the type of guy that wants to go to a hockey game, the gun
range, or the batting cages..... I'm SO in!!!
I listed quite a few things I don't like... so I guess it's only
fair to name some of my favorite things.
* Dark thick eyebrows
* BEARDS BEARDS BEARDS (full beards please, Amish beards don't
* Shoulder freckles
* Stomach hair
* A contagious laugh
* A southern accent
* A guy that prides himself on being a nerd ******EXCEPTION: magic
*Guys that carry sweet ass velcro wallets!
* Guys that are into local/live music
* A guy that likes to people watch... narrating conversations that
people are probably thinking and not saying... it's a good
* A guy that opens doors
* Nice arms (not necessarily big.. just.. nice...)
* A guy with a bit of style without being metrosexual (or at least
be willing to let me help him shop)
*A guy that loves cupcakes and wouldn't mind being a taste tester
(I love to bake)
*Guys that love dogs... owning one is a bonus!!!
* Side burns
* Guys that can agree to disagree
* A guy that likes to hold hands in the car or movie theater.
* Guys that wear band and/or super hero T-shirts
* A guy that agrees that Marvel wins over DC
* Dimples are an ultimate plus
* Stretched ears!!
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