Instead of settling down to a boring, predictable tedium where we are comfortable farting in front of each other and the only tension is the discussion over which of the two restaurants we go to ALL the time we're going to go to tonight (oh, and is it Friday? Sex night? AGAIN!?) I'll simply subject you sexual delirium, gales of laughter, and deep thought. So -- don't date me.
Got that out of the way? Great!
Howdy! I'm Tom :) I'm a handsome, devastatingly intelligent, funny, charming, witty, dominant and above all humble male of indeterminate age, armed with an adorable 11 month old brindle chiweenie puppy, Pepper. We're a package deal.
I'm not really looking for my "forever love." I'm ready if I find her, but right now I'm in an "exploring the world" phase. I'm an insanely fun date, and an astounding, memorable, bestial and world-class lover. More importantly, I'm a wonderful friend. But... probably don't fall in love with me or loan me too much money.
So, I just have to include "the brag" (cf this): I'm crazier than a bag of weasels on a hot stove! I'm a better lover than Don Juan on Cialis! I'm better looking than Brad Pitt with a boob lift! I leap tall girlfriends in a single bound, and I'm faster than a speeding sloth! I exaggerate, tell tall tales, and prevaricate like a rug when it's in jest and for fun and makes a good story.
Except about sloths. I will never, ever, ever deceive you, or embellish the truth when it comes to our sloth overlords. Some things are just too sacred to play games with.
Honestly, if you can read past this arrogance and braggadocio, I have been called one of the strongest, most resilient people a friend had ever known, and another friend called me one of the kindest, most loving people she'd ever met (and she was, and IS, still the sweetest person I know, so that is an honor.) I like to brag and strut and pretend to be all that, but the honest truth, underneath it all, is that I'm a pretty decent, quality human being.
I'm not particularly sporty. You'll notice I don't have zillions of pictures of me on top of Mount Everest or kayaking in a frozen lake while fighting polar bears. That's because, for the most part, I don't do that stuff (and, I LIKE polar bears. And, they'd win; I mean, have you seen polar bears? Some of them are upwards of 14 feet tall...) I'm a computer geek. I like intellectual, thought-stimulating activities. I own this proudly, in a city full of flannel-clad wilderness buffs.
I do want to find a hiking buddy, though. THAT, I like. Even though it may not be rappelling down an ice cliff while battling walruses, I think hiking is pretty keen.
And I think I should probably take up running. I hear it's therapeutic. But you'll pardon me if I keep my running mostly of the treadmill variety, unless I'm being chased (except if I'm being chased by you, in which case I might intentionally run slow...)
And, well, I want to get back into weight lifting. I like challenging my body that way, and it's a great way to fight the ravages of advanced age...
I'm a burner. Yes, one of those. No, I'm not a druggy -- I don't even really care for pot (done my fair share, just don't like feeling sluggish and stupid). I don't judge you if you do, as long as you're capable of being sober for at least long enough for us to carry on a conversation. No, I'm a burner because I like art, beauty, the desert, dancing (badly), and weird people.
I have a wicked, keen sense of humor. I have been known to make people laugh until they have to pee, on a regular basis. I do this mostly due to my exquisite sense of timing, and of the absurd.
I also like sex. A lot. Enough said.
Aside: For all my bragging about my communication skills, I've noticed that when I'm online I have a particular knack for sticking my foot in my mouth in a fairly epic way. Bear with me -- give me at least two strikes before you decide that I'm Buffalo Bill and will make a skin suit out of you; I'm probably just trying to be "witty," and it's falling flat. It happens. If nothing else, my misadventures in trying to flirt have given me some pretty funny stories...