49 Brooklyn, NY
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My self-summary
So much written here is about playing it safe. My profile isn't short, my apologies for those looking for a Reader's Digest version of a life. Thank you reading it. Hopefully, you'll find it worth getting through.

Stand up guy, slightly bent, always straight. Will always be the one who has his arms outstretched, hands open but not for a handout. Strong shoulders, feet always ready to move, not run away. The one who will listen, not going to judge. Bantering is better than arguing. Man who old women ask to help them across the street. Respecting why, but asking how (and sometimes who and when as well).

Profile Length
Brevity may be the soul of wit, just wonder if wit had anything interesting to say?

A brain is the most important organ a person has, yet, how come so many decide not to develop theirs?

Intelligence being the most attractive quality a person can possess. The expression, "What's the point of sleeping with someone, if you can't roll over and talk to them afterward, or instead of?" Engage the brain, encourage the heart.

Why is there such an overuse of "like"? If everything is "like" something else, then what is it really? Just think we should say what we mean.

Was on the R train on a typical Monday. Every time the door closed the announcer decided that it was "talk like a pirate day" and announced every stop and even the name of the train in pirate-speak. It made me appreciate how funny things are when you least expect them to be. Although a few of my fellow passengers seemed less than enthusiastic about the prospect of traveling with Captain Kidd all the way from Brooklyn to their destination, this guy made me happy for one-man's enjoyment of his work.

Was on the subway today (seems to be the start of most good stories). There was this couple, he had a suitcase, and a carry-on bag. She had the look of failed stoicism on her face. The more she tried, the more she cried, the more she simply wept. Wondered when they'd see each other again? How long had they been together? Have taken my share of lovers and friends to the airport. Have waited expectantly at the gate for them to get off the plane. There's an expression that we take lovers to airports, and friends to the curb. Is that true? It isn't my expression, I'm the kind that thinks a goodbye is worth saying at the last moment, without reservation.

Was walking home from work over the Brooklyn Bridge. There was this older couple walking up ahead. They were walking hand-in-hand. No hurry, their own pace. The woman let go of the man's hand for a moment and walked ahead of him. They had reached the midpoint (if you've ever walked over the Brooklyn Bridge you know the part, where the view is better than the other parts of the walk, although all of them are pretty spectacular). The man caught up with her a few seconds later. Passing them, I overheard their conversation:

Man: Why did you let go of my hand? (catching up to her as she stood at the railing looking at the view with the wind blustering, making her eyes tear).
Woman: Because I wanted to know what it felt like to have you want to come hold it again.

How lucky can two people be?

Best thing I've heard, so far
"I never told you I loved you, you never taught me how."

Truest thing heard so far
"I may be rags, but they're my rags, earned by me, not from someone buying my favors."
--a blackinia from Janagpur

"I think poverty is man made, it is not given by god."
--Ela Bhatt (if you've never heard of her, look her up, things will be different after that)

Living in today
Don't understand people who can't let go of the past so much so that it robs them of their future. So many people shudder to meet someone in real life. They hide behind false requirements and hope that they are completely sure before making a commitment. There is a Buddhist expression that goes, "Every time I open my eyes in the morning, I have accomplished half my day." Commit to something and have some faith in the future, regardless of what the past has shown you.

Relationships bind people together to the point that home is a feeling and not a brick structure.

Smiling at strangers
Why don't we smile at each other more? When did it become standard practice to stare off into the middle distance on the subway? Why is eye contact akin to stalking and grounds for macing or a dirty stare? Was raised that a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. Tell my daughter this all the time and she is astounded how at easy it is when she sees me talk to absolutley anyone. Of course, it embarrasses her, yet, I am hoping it instills the wonder of exploration as well.


Are we all a little too paranoid about things?

Nerds and Jocks
Knowing this is true:

Jocks may have ruled high school. Geeks have ruled everything else since. Exercising my inner jock and comfortable with my ulterior nerd. Tell my daughter all the time, remember the kid who is cool and pushes you around, remember them when they come apply to the company you're running for a job. It may be nerdy to get a good education when you're younger, but as the expression goes, "education only gives you one thing, options".

Being courted by bots
I hear that women get all sorts of one-line emails, this is the one I received recently:

hello dear nice to meet you here i will be happy to know you more if you dont mind we could chat on skype or whatsup

how does someone react to something like this?

Women and men
* gender equality and that equal work, means equal pay
* opening doors
* putting notes in your lunch (perhaps even delivering it sometimes)
* standing aside to let you go first
* walking on the outside part of the sidewalk closest to the street (look it up, it used to be important)
* offering to pay for meals
* bringing flowers for no apparent reason
* old-fashioned, gentleman-like behavior
* romance, and doing things for the other person for no other reason than you want to and that you can actually help when it's not always required
* having that "look" from across a room and knowing exactly what it means because you know each other well enough to have shared secrets
* knowing you have shared secrets
* anticipating getting you alone, because that's the best part of my day
* shared interests
* sandwich night
* you can make things better because you should
* being intellectually curious (ABC=Always Be Curious)
* love at second sight. Have you heard of this concept?
* that chivalry doesn't mean that only men give up their seats on the subway? What happened to equality?
* the efficacy of honesty

What do you believe?

Conversation and current events
* Please be able to have a conversation and know what's going on in the world. It's important. We all live here.

* Does anyone else get through the weekly issue of the Economist? Never finish the current one before the next one shows up. It can't just be me. Is it written for people who can grasp socio-econo-political nuances through osmosis? Do they sleep with it under their pillow? Does it help? Why is my copy always late? Yes, I read it in print. I know, bourgeoisie.

Why does height matter in a relationship? Who made that a "thing"? Some of the most powerful men in history have been with women taller than themselves. Have we progressed no further in evolution than for the superficial to matter this much? Don't we all eventually want to look IN to each other's eyes, not strain our necks looking at the bottom of the other's chin? It's like the age criteria. Perhaps the priorities are more superficial than they need to be.

Well, can any of your neighbors tell, Kate, I'll ask them?
Why do many men feel this way trying to tell women how they feel?
What I’m doing with my life
Exploring. Laughing as often as possible.

Massages and cooking (not at the same time)
Looking for the better way to make English muffins from scratch. Always looking for suggestions and recipes. It actually is easier than it seems. It's all in the last step.

Baking at 2am when I can't sleep. Especially pignoli nut cookies with almond paste. Anything made from scratch is better because dammit, it's worth doing.

Admitting things
* I do like conversation.
* I do as I say, say as I do.
* If I'm going to fail at something, I prefer to fail full-assed.

Tilting at windmills because I'd rather be wrong for all the right reasons.
I’m really good at
* Being early.
* Being honest.
* Spleling.
* Knowing the answers to "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me".
* Finding NPR on the dial no matter what city I'm in at the moment. (apparently, a lot of men put NPR on their profile, if they do, how come I hear there are so many men who send one-line messages?)
* Singing off key.
* Dancing slightly akimbo.

Giving compliments because they're deserved.

Telling someone when they're not entirely correct. Listening to someone tell me when I'm completely wrong, and accepting their point of view.

Admitting I don't do trendy. Never had a cronut, I'm sure it's sugary heaven, didn't feel like waiting on line over the hype. I did wait on line one time for 5+ hours for a hug from Amma. That was better than any pastry. Hugs always trump pastries.

That it's actually okay to stay in on a Friday night.
The first things people usually notice about me
* My face smells like this stuff:,default,pd.html?cgid=shaving-products-after-shave#cgid=shaving-products-after-shave&start=1
* The earrings my 11-year-old made for me for Father's Day (even if they were 7 months late). Love kids' priorities
* My lack of color vision (I mention this in case I show up wearing something mismatched, although, probably had help and too much advice)
* Laughing a lot and like anyone who does the same. Don't take myself very seriously, unless we are discussing serious topics. In that case, let's be serious until we don't have to be (serious) any more (written in a serious tone. Hope you can tell).

Ability to talk to strangers and have them talking to me within moments and have anyone who hasn't seen me introduce myself to them moments before, think, I've known said strangers for years.

Staying up late, when necessary, or if there's an amazing conversation to be had, which is always welcome. Late phone calls which are fine, to have that conversation. Some things need to interrupt sleep. I'll never mind.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
This list used to be quite long. The one below is the short version. How about you ask me and we can talk about it? I think it's easier that way. There's a lot to enjoy of others' visions.

* Where God Left His Shoes (how come they don't make movies with amazing dialogue any more?)
* Better Than Chocolate (NOT Water for Chocolate, which is what everyone thinks this is, it isn't, this is from Canada, hilarious and worth-watching)
* When Night Is Falling
* The Wrestler
* Barfly (watch Mickey Rourke here and then in The Wrestler, what a transformation, not a good one, just amazing)
* Gangs of Wasseypur (1 and 2)
* The Secret in Their Eyes
* Well Done, Abba (want to know the absurdity of living in India, watch this, Swift couldn't have written this better)
* Lemon Tree
* The Siege
* Ruby Sparks, what an awesome premise. Imagine if we could will a partner as exactly as we wanted from our imaginations into reality? What would happen if we got exactly who we wanted? Then what do we do? Would we be bored? Would it be enough? Is it unseemly to want to find what we want?
* Sidney Poitier's character's reply to his father in "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner"
* Sammy and Rosie Get Laid
* My Beautiful Laundrette
* Deepa Mehta's series (if you've never seen or heard of them, please look them up)

Another shortened list. However, I read. I hope you do as well. Doesn't matter what, just that you have the curiosity to want to know. Cereal boxes do count.

* Recently, an Indian author kick, almost anything I can find from Tagore to Amullya Malladi (if you are Indian, I encourage you to read either Mango Season or Serving Crazy With Curry, they WILL resonate better than The Namesake, which, let's face it, if you're Indian EVERYONE expects that you've read it and wants your opinion)
* Rohinton Mistry
* Chinua Achebe (absolutely anything by this amazing writer)
* Douglas Adams (I miss him, he was a good friend)
* Leo Buscaglia
* Anita Brookner
* Charles Bukowski (ignore the aspect, respect the work)
* ee cummings (nevercouldanyone, sam was a man)
* John LeCarre
* Christopher Moore
* Pablo Neruda
* David Sedaris
* William Shakespeare's Lear or Troilus and Cressida or Twelfth Night or Henry V
* Shel Silverstein (anything at all)
* Scott Sommer
* John Updike
* Don Winslow (so grateful he wrote a sequel to the Power of the Dog)
* Roger Zelazney (Lord of Light, take the Gita, rewrite it as a science fiction novel, really?)

50 Shades of Gray put me to sleep. Reality is so much better.

The list is longer than this. In all things, I strive to watch and read things that move me.

* The Wire (poor Snotboogie)
* Little Mosque on the Prairie (trust me, if you can find this, it's worth it, from the CBC)
* Louie CK
* El Secreto de Sus Ojos
* Corner Gas (If you can find this from the CBC in Canada (eh), I would wholeheartedly recommend it, just don't expect a laugh track and expect good writing and humor))
* Nurse Jackie
* Breaking Bad
* Rockford Files
* Top Gear (UK or US versions, seriously stupid car show)
* HR Puffin Stuff
* The Black Adder, well, anything Rowan Atkinson
* Man Down
* Fresh Meat
* Hill Street Blues
* Coupling
* Bluestone 42
* Rev

A shorter list than was here previously. I'll listen to anything and will probably listen to it a second time.

* Barfi - Main Kya Karoon (I can sing that all day long)
* Michael Franks
* Plastique Bertrand
* Khaled (NOT DJ Khaled, I heard this was just co-opted)
* Cheb Mami
* Tom Waits (man, that voice is mesmerizing)
* Tears for Fears (the first album)
* Spandau Ballet
* David Gray
* Annie Lennox
* Kate Bush
* Lily Allen (swan song for anyone who has something to say to an ex, and not in a nice way from "It's not me, it's you")
* Joan Osborne
* Jazz Loft project (
* anything from the 80s (and not afraid to admit it)
* Nina Simone (who can't use some sugar?)
* Dexy's Midnight Runners
* Prefab Sprout (these last two are my favorites, because of the lyrics)
* Talking Heads, "This must be the place" (Naive version)

Food: I practice the point-and-pray method of eating. What did you have in mind? I have no allergies or dislikes. Food is not fuel, it's to be enjoyed and shared.

Knowing everything is made better with Maggi sauce.
The six things I could never do without
* My daughter (decidedly not a thing for those semantic types out there, perhaps the junior editor will someday fix the "things" to something a bit more forgiving)
* Humor PLEASE know how to laugh, don't worry about telling a joke, but at least crack yourself up telling one even if it's a bad joke. Just not one at the expense of someone else's feelings
* empathy
* Intellect
* Books (all of them), I DO want to know what you've been reading and why you find it interesting
* Pen or pencil, or whatever is available (for crosswords as well), hell, I've been known to use crayon in a pinch
* Paper
* My ability to count.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Holding my daughter's hands (these days, when she lets me, 12 is a complicated age). Amazes me how beautiful and completely mesmerizing they are.

How memories are never what they were once you remember them.

How come more people don't know the smell of Chandrika? Just brings back childhood?

How come people stand in the subway doors or push their way on as soon as they open? Why don't people take off their backpacks when they get on the train? Yes, I'm that guy, he stands aside, takes off his bag, and offers you his seat.

How to teach my daughter to have manners even when others don't.

Why so many women put that disclaimer in their profiles? You know, the one at the end. I'm guessing the terms of service is something to be ignored?

Wondering why sports and music stars get more respect than academics? Having a daughter, this is very relevant that kids are expected to "stay in school" but sold on the idea of a quick fortune by their idols. I think we need better idols.

How come this conversation makes sense to anyone, (overheard the other day between two women standing on the subway platform) "I just can't keep track of which is my yoga mat and which is my pilates mat."??? They were the same mat in the same color. Why were two necessary? I'm sure there is an explanation, I'm certain, I'll never know what it is.

When did people start saying "sorry" for everything? I thought, if you do something unintentionally, you say, "excuse me". If you do something on purpose to someone else and want to express regret for causing them harm, you say, "I'm sorry". Yet, all I hear no matter what the situation, is, "sorry" for everything. The apology loses its power. Have we forgotten what heartfelt regret means and just apologize regardless of the slight, intentional or not?

How is a cassoulet any different than fancy disco fries?

Why do so many people insist on living their lives through their phones rather than living? I see it everywhere. People are at something incredible and instead of enjoying it, are taking pictures or videos and blogging/sharing/pasting it on their (pick the social poison of your choice) about it. Wouldn't it be better to experience the moment rather than live through posterity? Perhaps this explains the rise of facebook. Have we all become a society of invitational voyeurs?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Why do so many people have homonym issues? They're right there for anyone to see, not mine, theirs.

Once you answer all 3783 OkCupid questions, how come there's no prize? (they added a question, perhaps it was time)

Why do the instructions on a package of Ginsu knives say, "Keep out of children"?

When did corny become passe?

The lyric, Didn't give you minutes, not even moments..

Since I'm on lyrics, how come we don't know this to be absolutely true without someone having written it down, Oh, but to shine like Joan of Arc, you must be prepared to burn?

At what point we stop thinking we know what we want and finally admit, we're mostly just winging it?

Love letters never sent. Heartfelt emotions that mean the world when written that are never received in the same vein. Things left unsaid as most people die faster than it takes to turn over a pancake.

Look around, imagine what can/should/would/might/could be and think, huh, so, that's what it's about.

Making lists of people I should call and then wonder if I should and then getting annoyed because they haven't called me.
** I make those calls now, and plenty more, no one should be forgotten, make the calls that you meant to make in life, it's vitally important that people should matter more than ideas.** Every single person is more important than an ocean of ideas.

How amazing the sound is a child's laugh, and how irrepressibly infectious it is.

How come, that when we think of flying a kite we just don't leave work and do it? I do. On a regular basis? As often as possible. Ever fly a kite in the rain? Challenging, but can be done. Or in the snow. Again, challenging, but can be done.

How absolutely under-rated knock-knock jokes are.

The sound of silence, which doesn't invade my life very often (thankfully), but I think about it.

Telling corny jokes that makes people roll their eyes. An attempt is at least worth something. Better to try than to fail quietly.

Knowing that a stranger is just a friend who I haven't met yet. And as corny as it sounds, putting that into action.

Whether to walk home or take the subway (amazing what you discover walking in the City)? Walking normally wins out.

Probably more than this box can contain. Might be corny, all absolutely true.

Why only 6 things?
On a typical Friday night I am
Morris Dancing

Otherwise, for those that don't believe in Morris Dancing anymore (it's a mystery to me how you can't):

* Writing, the same as breathing.
* Reading.
* Dancing (when the spirit moves and quite possibly the music (these days, even without the music), just wish the hips would obey and follow)). Doesn't even have to be in public, wouldn't mind someone to do it with me more often.
* Walking (one step, two steps, three steps, pretty soon, you're amazed to be 3 steps further along than when you started).
* Exploring (see walking).
* Smiling at strangers (incredible how much that works).
* Talking to tourists and finding out where they're from and what they love about the City. Finding out about them.
* Getting absolutely and completely and gloriously lost.
* Gawking skyward and hoping for a blackout so I can see the stars more clearly.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Being named "chief of the fugawees" by the Havasupai tribe I lived with a long time ago.
You should message me if
* You've read this far.
* Have a sense of humor.
* Like to talk.
* You get through the Economist, or at least pretend that you do
* You've written anything at all in your profile, not just a picture, something at all meaningful about you
* You're not a guy and catfish is not a way of life (was recently educated on this by a friend, seriously folks, have you nothing better to do?)

Your idea of this process doesn't involve emailing a few times, perhaps texting, a date, and then disappearing. What exactly is the process? I'm here to meet someone without the obfuscation and the hiding behind dead-drop emails (we're not all Aldrich Ames) and blocked phone numbers. Will only chase what I'm invited to chase. A principle I live by is, never go to a party to which I'm not invited. If you'd like to be pursued, let a fella' know you're interested.

Ever try to disprove a negative? If a guy shares information about himself, he's pushy. If he doesn't share it quickly enough, he's a player and hiding something. Some one must realize that the playing field is not level.

* You like holding hands more often than you don't
* You like kissing, regardless of the context, but only after getting to know the person
* Don't believe kissing is wrong

42 (you know what this means, or at least be curious enough to find out). This one is important.