Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Oh, hello! I must not have heard you arrive. Welcome to my
I hope you like the what I’ve done with the place: I know that it’s
impossible to write one of these without alienating someone—which
is a shame, since there’s no reason to expect how I market myself
on the Internet to reflect what it would be like to spend time with
me. But why am I telling you this? You have the same problem.
Chances are, you’re looking for someone smart and funny. As luck
would have it, I’m smart and funny. What’s that? Not quite
convinced? That’s all right: a certain amount of skepticism is
healthy. I have the rest of the page to win you over.
Tastes being what they are, you’re probably also looking for
someone quirky. Now, let me be clear that I don’t think of myself
as quirky: I have no commitment to quirkiness. Nevertheless, you
may end up considering me quirky. Others have.
For the sake of full disclosure, I should mention that I also
possess negative qualities. I’d provide you with a list, but that
would be self-defeating. See how honest I am?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Well, the short version is I'm a lawyer, but (surprise!) the long
version is more complicated. In any event, I can give you the long
version once we get to know each other a little better: I need to
maintain an air of mystery, after all.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Not very much. Oh wait, I am pretty good at ironing actually. For
what that's worth.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Depends on the person and the context. But you know that. So
instead I’ll tell you about a couple of things that get noticed not
I have nice hair. “luscious” some say, “soft, flowing, and styled
with the perfect level of sprezzatura
.” Others have called it “breath
taking”—after regaining their breath, of course.
My unusually long and thick...eyelashes are also noticeable.
Despite rumors to the contrary, I assure you that they’re real, and
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Just these? Why? What about my favorite color? Sport? Racehorse?
Car? Ship? Airplane? Space shuttle? Shop? Brand? Fashion designer?
Anyway, I never learned how to play favorites.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity
partners, long-distance penpals, casual sex
All kidding aside, it saddens me that there are only six little
check boxes for the “For” line in the I’m looking for section, as
though all the ways in which one person might relate to another
could be reduced to a small number of consumer goods: “Oh, dear!
I’m running low on ‘activity partners.’ I better go online and
order some more. Hmm...should I spring for next-day shipping?” But
why go on about it? You probably feel the same.
Still, I’m wary of people who choose “long-term dating,” but not
“short-term dating.” If I go out with you once, have I entered into
a three-year contract? Are there penalty fees if we break up
earlier? Do "some restrictions" apply? Must I see the terms and
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The law and the minutiae of everyday life. But I wouldn’t want to
tell you about that
—it would betray a lack of
imagination—nor would you want to hear about it. Instead, here are
some OkCupid-inspired topics about which I spend almost no time
thinking, but which at least demonstrate a modicum of
What’s protocol when you stumble upon the OkCupid profile of a
real-life acquaintance? Is there anything in the writings of Emily
Post that could serve as precedent? If not, who decides? Can I
appeal? Who hears the appeal? Can a bill overturn the ruling? Who
passes such a bill? Signs it into law? Veto power? Where’s Schoolhouse Rock
when you need it?
I recently moved back to California, and it seems like a lot of
people really like avocados and hiking. Now don't get me wrong,
avocados are delicious and hiking is no slouch either, but why
these two? If they lived in Hawaii would it be surfing and
pineapples? Idaho throwing steaks (or footballs)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
what I am?
Even a casual perusal of other profiles reveals that there is a
heated debate going on as to whether there even is such a thing as
a typical Friday night! I don't wish to take sides on this divisive
issue. What I will say is that even if there is,
in fact, such a thing as a typical Friday night, it would be
uninteresting. Who wants to hear about something
Instead, I’ll tell you that I spent this past Friday night in Tahoe
hanging out with some friends and putting together puzzles. It was
both fun and atypical.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have no idea how to assign degrees of privacy: as far as I know,
that very fact may be the most private thing I’m willing to admit.
Anyway, here are a few things that seem like they might be
I myself prefer to use the serial comma, but I don’t understand the
level of fanaticism that this one little punctuation mark seems to
Sometimes, when I write a sentence that could upset or offend, I
put a winky face after it to indicate that I don’t mean it—but I
really do mean it. ;)
The present profile is my second on this site. The first generated
both critical acclaim and my own boredom, so I’m going for a
different aesthetic with this one—less banal, more
improvisational—though I’m worried about the sophomore slump.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Just do it! What are you, chicken
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.