31 Rogers, AR
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My self-summary
Who am I?

I'm just some kid who woke up one day and was like "are those gray hairs? Well, crap, I guess I'd better get my act together." Luckily, that particular morning was over three years ago, so the act's pretty put together now. Unluckily...more gray hairs.

I'm a very special boy. But I'll be damned if I'll reveal why to the likes of you!

I'm from Little Rock and have lived in a few other places. I moved to Northwest Arkansas on New Year's Day 2016. I'm not saying this because I'm looking for tour guides. Really. *But* if we hit it off on here and I keep trying to get you to go on a date to Chic-fil-a, it's not because I'm such a huge fan of #TheChristianChicken. I just don't know where anything else is.

Update: so many more gray hairs. -_-
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a lawyer, a banker, an entrepreneur. I founded a crowdfunding business with 50 cents in the bank in 2010 (before it was cool), litigated class actions against the nation's largest mortgage servicers (Chase, BoA, Wells Fargo, etc.) to settlements including billions of dollars in available compensation to average Americans, and managed a solo litigation practice that includes shareholder derivative actions and debt collection defense.

Unfortunately, I'm not so good at getting paid doing any of the above, so I've taken a day job working in compliance at Arkansas's original home-grown bank, helping it comply with new mortgage disclosure regulations.

So, finance is my passion. I want to develop detailed legal and practical expertise in financial law, products, and processes to found or work for a business that promotes a sustainable and equitable future for the world. In short: If anyone happens to be really good friends with Elon Musk, please give him my number.

I suffer from just enough self-doubt that I'm not half as imposing as I sound.


I became an uncle on December 7, 2014, and aspire to avuncular greatness.

I'm a fitness fanatic and roast my own coffee.
I’m really good at
Everything, obviously.
The first things people usually notice about me
I am amusing.

Folks remember my voice, the way I walk (very decisively), my "analytical facial expressions," my dog if she's with me, and the fact that I seem "very comfortable in [my] own skin."

And my ass. Definitely my ass.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Let's say my favorite authors are Kurt Vonnegut, Neal Stephenson, and Margaret Atwood. That isn't strictly true -- I like a lot of authors -- but I do like them, and this section calls for a list. I must obey the internet.

Some favorites are Pulp Fiction, The Dark Knight, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Dead Man, Gangs of New York, The Departed, and Last of the Mohicans.

Primarily rock music from different eras. I don't much care for country or hip hop/rap. I enjoy everything else.

Indian, Eastern Mediterranean (Lebanese), Mexican and Italian. I also love German food if I can ever find a good place to get some.
The six things I could never do without
1. Family,
2. Friends (human and canine),
3. Music,
4. Books,
5. Movies, and
6. Impeccable grammar.*

*I'd never get dates without it.

What? Chicks dig grammar. Right? Anybody?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Work, women, how to make the first happy, and do the second more effectively.

Wait...reverse that.

The source and ultimate fate of life.

How to craft the perfect online dating profile, i.e. one that produces in the reader the feeling that they know and like me, without actually revealing a damn thing about myself.
On a typical Friday night I am
Getting drunk with my dog.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
"My life is an open book. I'm just not going to read it to you."
-David Hyde Pierce

I can be kind of shy and quiet. Until I get to know you. By you saying two and a half words to me.

I turned 31 in July 2015. So, naturally, my goal was to meet someone who would give me my birthday spanking. I included a message about that on here in the hopes that some perverted women would get in touch with me for sexy fun times. While that strategy was successful -- i.e., including the word "spanking" in my profile did drive some additional page views and messages -- all of my hits were from women wanting me to spank them. Which is all well and good any other day of the year, but damn it! I want my birthday spanking!

I cannot be trusted with a jar of peanut butter.
You should message me if
"You ain't no redneck woman, and/or are a high class broad."
-Gretchen Wilson (Paraphrase)

I had to look up who sang that song to attribute it correctly.