Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I want you to stop right now and take thirty seconds to think about
something you're desperately passionate about and then message me
and tell me what it is.
Refer to me by whichever pronouns make you happy. My theory on
identity and relationships can be summed up by "fuck ontology" --
I'm concerned with experiencing the what and the how, not naming
it, and I like letting things go where they may. I'm more into
intimacy than sex per se. I find Myers-Briggs typology unforgivably
reductive for this reason.
My canvas is college-ruled. I live for language. Prescriptivism
grinds my gears.
It means "evergreen" in Irish. Now you know.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Abiding by the campsite rule.
Sometimes I also QA software for a security company so companies
don't half-ass protecting your data.
Trying to get my internal monologue to be in a voice that isn't
Examining everyone's societal narratives. Mine, too.
Differentiating between stability and commitment. Relationships are
always fluid and love follows no one's rules, but I want the people
to be reliably there, whatever that means.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
writing huge walls of text in short periods of time.
waxing poetic about nothing in particular.
pretending I'm not a hopeless romantic.
losing at snowball fights.
twice-weekly existential crises.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have no favourites; I have things that speak to me, that fill
crevices in a sometimes-yawning expanse, that open and close doors,
that hold my hands when I'm alone at night, and I have things that
are just fun to run my ears and hands over. There's no most,
On the docket today:
The Partially Examined Life
No Animals We Could Name
Heidegger and what truth means
Community & Gravity Falls
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Everything else descends from that.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being
overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often,
and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the
privilege of owning yourself."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
"'I am not an angel,' I asserted; 'and I will not be one till I
die: I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor
exact anything celestial of me - for you will not get it, any more
than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all
-- Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
"Our lives disconnect and reconnect, we move on, and later we may
again touch one another, again bounce away. This is the felt shape
of a human life, neither simply linear nor wholly disjunctive nor
endlessly bifurcating, but rather this bouncey-castle sequence of
bumpings-into and tumblings-apart."
-- Sir Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet
Ways to cheat the academic system and end up with a Ph.D. without
having to sell my soul to Fannie Mae or commit myself to a lifetime
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
shedding the confines of the corporeal body I wear during the work
week and letting my aethereal protrusions rest and writhe freely in
Otherworldly sentiences got to get paid, son.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If you quote Tom Robbins at me, I'm easier than Go Fish. (Googling
Tom Robbins and throwing a random quote into a message hoping to
get laid does not count.)
I don't like red meat.
I happily cohabitate with my ex-partner. I am resolutely
nonmonogamous. I spend time with whoever makes me happy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you can't believe you read the whole thing.
you understand that I probably don't want to fuck you.
you have more empathy than a goldfish, observe what's going on
around you, and aren't a fucking narcissist.
If you send me an overtly sexual or blatantly stalkery message,
I will screenshot your bullshit and post it on Twitter with a
caption about what a worthless clot of shit you are for wasting my
time. I won't blur your username, either. Consider yourself warned.
Messages trying to be clever about this are subject to the same
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