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30 Oakland, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21-40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 7:03am
5' 11" (1.80m)
Body Type
Atheism and laughing about it
Dropped out of University
Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them
English (Fluently), Japanese (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Ape is our most popular model of feral boy!
less CFCs, higher electrical conductivity, and more grams of trans fat (per serving) than the leading competitor!

Problems with other (non-recyclable) brands of boy, usually stem from a low pixel ratio, or high viscosity in warm weather, BUT NOT APE!

As seen in Le Figaro Magazine, Ape has no problem folding easily to fit under your couch, and easily turns worn socks into festive centerpieces for your holiday dinner table!
Never from concentrate, Ape was voted "highest replay value, in a platform shooter" by the Akron SPCA!

"louder than a mop"- Perdana Menteri

"handsome in his vest"- Apes Grandma

"one thumb down"- Richard Roeper
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Defending peasant farmers from hungry, marauding chinchillas.

Repairing my transport module so I can return to Proxima Centauri.

Packing degrading organic matter into my body cavity, then fermenting it there, to fuel my normal human body.

playing yahtzee.

Rocking entirely too much ice in my G'd up grill.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
- Listening.

- Talking about my feelings.

- Changing for you.

- Crushing my enemies.

- Poisoning minds through synergy.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
that I'm resplendent like the noonday sun.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like used college textbooks, because I dont have to read the whole thing to be a smart ass.
I like movies with really solid closed captioning options!
I like shows about lame people, that bum people out, and also cops.
I only listen to music that nobody like me should listen to.
I like food with lots of souls in it. but I'll never eat an animal that didn't have eyelids!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Black-crowned night-heron.
2. Pacific reef egret.
3. Cinnamon bittern.
4. Eastern great egret.
5. my iPhone.
6. Cattle egret.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
human evolution and animal behavior.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
yelling at clouds, setting things on just a little bit of fire, climbing onto tall things to feel safe, or drawing chickens.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't have enough socks. but I'm too confused by the thought of buying more.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
-you want to go to a museum, or...
-you think I look funny, or...
-you're bossy, or...
-you need a rearview for a 1973 vw thing, or...
-you talk fast, or...
-you want get the leash and take me for a walk, or...
-you're all out of bubble gum