This is me.

My name is Ivan D'Llard. I'm bisexual, polyamorous, vegetarian, sensitive, affectionate. I'm lonely, I'm quiet and I'm shy. I'm a nerd, a musician, a martial artist. I'm a writer and a listener. I'm a pacifist, an artist. I have low self esteem. I don't believe in suicide. I know what I want and what I need; I'm here for love, lovers, and a few new friends won't hurt. I'm very emotional, but I'm no nutcase. I fall in love deeply and I never look back or regret it. I'm my own worst enemy and most harsh critic. I was born in the eastern United States and raised in the midwest, which I hated. I'm an exercise junkie, a fitness nerd and a health nut. I'm not sure of myself. I'm not confident in myself. I'm an extrovert trapped in a shell of social anxiety. I make and enjoy anything musical. I'm a poet, even though I'm bad at it. I love to talk about feelings. I love to cuddle, and try to pretend my sex drive is lower than it is. I love anime , manga , video games , sci fi , roleplaying , moving water and the ocean. I love to try to find a meaning in every little thing because it makes me feel safe. I'm a hopeless addict to everything I love and I'm just generally hopeless. I'm not going to hide a single thing because I want people to come and talk to me because of who I am, and because in my own small way I'm proud of the man I am.

At the moment, I'm back in the midwest to help my family sell their house, so that I can move them out to the east to be near me and to help them find a better life. I want to repay them for always being good to me even when no one else would, and no matter how low I feel or how little I care for myself, they always give me all the love in the world and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm trying really hard to fill out a better profile this time, and I'm not going to hide a single thing. I'm finishing a few writing projects, and looking for people I can get close to. I need emotional closeness and affection to have balance in my life; I'm not complete without it. I want to meet some missing pieces here.

Making people think I'm a lot worse than I really am, making people think I'm crazy when I'm really just awkward, making awkward sexual advances.

Is that I can't make eye contact unless I'm furious because I'm afraid that I'll be unable to connect with a person.

Most of my favourite books are manga.. NARUTO: Shippuden, D. Gray-Man, LOVELESS, Gintama, Little Butterfly, ZOMBIE-LOAN, Juvenile Orion, D.N.Angel, Vampire Knight, Shaman King.. More than I can properly list. I like Disney movies a lot, I tend to like emotional or very artistic movies, something that can touch my heart and move it to a new place on my canvas. I promise I'll try to make a kind of comprehensive list of music I like, but as long as it isn't country/western you're safe to imagine that I love it.

Some examples are the pillows, L'arc~en~Ciel, Humming Urban Stereo, Alice Nine, Asian Kung-Fu Generation, chatmonchy, noodles, Oceanlab, DJ Tiesto, Milk Inc., Daft Punk, JUSTICE, Nujabes, Shing02, tsutchie, fat jon, MINMI, FORCE OF NATURE, Gorillaz, Lupe Fiasco, The Roots, Andy McKee, Protest The Hero, In Flames, Killswitch Engage, Rammstein, Angra, Helloween, Gamma Ray, nine inch nails, Michael Jackson, Reggie And The Full Effect, Coheed + Cambria, Enter Shikari, Modest Mouse, Mew, Scissor Sisters, The Police, Soilwork, Still Remains, Cosmic Gate, The Flaming Lips, At The Drive-In, The Mars Volta, Utada Hikaru, Yuki, Kaela Kimura, ASPARAGUS, BEAT CRUSADERS, bump of chicken, Talla 2XLC, Mr. Children, Ministry Of Sound, anything from DDR , Ferry Corsten, DEPAPEPE, Above And Beyond, ATB, Lapis Lazuli, Telefon Tel Aviv, Daedelus, 3, Pendulum, Buckethead, weezer, David Guetta, Dance Gavin Dance, The Beastie Boys.. Lots of 8bit and chiptune as well, and tons of other stuff I can't think of right now.

Love, music, dreams, courage, the sea and the stars..

And the New York Yankees. <3 The Bronx Bombers, The Pinstripes.. Most of all, my all-time favourite player, '09 World Series MVP Matsui "GODZILLA" Hideki! <3333333

Girls/women, boys/men, sex, love, beautiful landscapes

Sitting at home, sipping hot tea and snuggling with my pets.

I can't sleep without someone next to me.

you find that you have any interest in me at all. If you want to say something kind, or just talk about what the clouds look like. Or how great our Yankees are. <3