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35 Salt Lake City, UT Man


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Aug 27
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Very often
Likes dogs and likes cats
English, Portuguese (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a kitty in a scotch can.

I am an American aquarium drinker.

I am the Snark Master.

I am mankind's best frenemy.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Important cat stuff. It's too complicated for you to understand.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Observing humans. That's why I'm here. I'm like Jane Goodall except all of the apes are wearing clothes. And I'm a boy.

What's with all you "something-inabox" people? I doubt any of you have spent any serious time in boxes. I have.

Question for the ladies; why do you think posting 15 separate low-light high-angle close-up selfies from the same side is somehow preferable to just one? What are you hoping to reveal? How many times are people looking at you from two feet away and above and slightly to the right. Frankly, they're all pretty bad so you might as well change it up a bit.

I especially enjoy it when you think you've locked down your "sexy face" and in each of your photos I see the same dippy, wide-eyed half-mouth-smile with semi-duck-lips. You look ridiculous. I don't know who made you think trying to look like a younger, stupider Joan Rivers was a good thing, but you oughta slap them. It would be better if you made no expression at all. Really.

Nearly all of you ladies claim to be "easy-going and laid-back" so why is the world so full of anxious and uptight women?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm just so goddamned fucking cute!

Some people notice my particular taste in whiskey.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Media is trite and boring.

I have a little plastic soufflé cup filled with parsley. I love that thing. It's been hiding from me in the closet.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm pretty Zen so I can or can't do with or without any number of things.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How best to assassin down the avenue.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Cats don't have Fridays or an other days for that matter.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have no balls.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I'm like the Magic 8-Ball of cats! Ask me any question.

When it comes to relationships I'm really into things like romance, commitment, loyalty, trustworthiness and honest, open communication. Unfortunately, I'm heterosexual so I don't have much hope in finding a reciprocating partner.

You all complain about people messaging you with just 'Hi'. I'm just a kitty in a scotch can, but in the real world don't most conversations start with 'hi' and not some long random monologue? Don't get me wrong, I can monologue better than anybody, but I try to get the pleasantries out of the way first.