Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a kitty in a scotch can.
I am an American aquarium drinker.
I am the Snark Master.
I am mankind's best frenemy.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Important cat stuff. It's too complicated for you to understand.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Observing humans. That's why I'm here. I'm like Jane Goodall except
all of the apes are wearing clothes. And I'm a boy.
What's with all you "something-inabox" people? I doubt any of you
have spent any serious time in boxes. I have.
Question for the ladies; why do you think posting 15 separate
low-light high-angle close-up selfies from the same side is somehow
preferable to just one? What are you hoping to reveal? How many
times are people looking at you from two feet away and above and
slightly to the right. Frankly, they're all pretty bad so you might
as well change it up a bit.
I especially enjoy it when you think you've locked down your "sexy
face" and in each of your photos I see the same dippy, wide-eyed
half-mouth-smile with semi-duck-lips. You look ridiculous. I don't
know who made you think trying to look like a younger, stupider
Joan Rivers was a good thing, but you oughta slap them. It would be
better if you made no expression at all. Really.
Nearly all of you ladies claim to be "easy-going and laid-back" so
why is the world so full of anxious and uptight women?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm just so goddamned fucking cute!
Some people notice my particular taste in whiskey.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Media is trite and boring.
I have a little plastic soufflé cup filled with parsley. I love
that thing. It's been hiding from me in the closet.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I'm pretty Zen so I can or can't do with or without any number of
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How best to assassin down the avenue.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Cats don't have Fridays or an other days for that matter.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I'm like the Magic 8-Ball of cats! Ask me any question.
When it comes to relationships I'm really into things like romance,
commitment, loyalty, trustworthiness and honest, open
communication. Unfortunately, I'm heterosexual so I don't have much
hope in finding a reciprocating partner.
You all complain about people messaging you with just 'Hi'. I'm
just a kitty in a scotch can, but in the real world don't most
conversations start with 'hi' and not some long random monologue?
Don't get me wrong, I can monologue better than anybody, but I try
to get the pleasantries out of the way first.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.