I'm a therapeutic chef who secretly loves Doritos and if you tell anyone that...nothing bad will happen to you. Currently trying to expand my vocabulary by looking up unfamiliar words I come across while reading immediately and then immediately forgetting them. It's going okay.

I'm a morning person and veeeeeeeery wriggly and cheerful before 8am! Also, like, pretty much all day. If you get up early and don't like it, I'll make being awake worth your while. If you're a morning person too then yay! Let's wake up, cuddle, have morning pillow talk, then I'll make good coffee because I'm a snob, and then let's cuddle more and read in silence or watch shows we missed the night before. Or we can work out.

I LOVE surprises. Giving them mostly. It takes me.....longer than it should to realize that I'm being surprised. But that's ok. I'm thoughtful, generous, grateful, and I absolutely love giving the best presents ever. I make lists months in advance based on conversations I have or things I notice. All I want is for you to smile and be really pleased with me. I love praise like most but unlike most I'm not afraid to say that OR ask for it. In a cute way, duh.

Now for the still honest but maybe too honest stuff...

Grammatical mistakes are a turn off. Chronic spelling errors are a deal breaker. Capitalization mistakes and minor punctuation errors are fine if I know that YOU know that "you're" means "you are" and "your".....well, doesn't. But enough about you.

I'm really overconfident. Like, I dance on the line between overconfidence and absolute madness. Not in a vain or crazy way. I just can do lots of shit well and I know it. Failing at things is fine with me too. I love to learn by way of experience and I know I'll get it eventually. I'm not afraid of anything except scary clown faces and then I just look away. I take risks. I put my career and interests first. You should have these priorities for yourself, put YOUR career and interests first. I will be proud of you and happy for you when you are successful. If I want to do something, I do it. If no one else wants to come with, I do it alone, though I always prefer company and I do get lonely.

I don't need a companion. One would certainly add to my life in a positive way. I don't want children. Seriously. I do want a dog. A big one. Not yet. If you have one that's fine. I will love it immediately. My companion has to be someone who can provide comfort, sound advice, and can really listen and at least attempt to remember what I say. You have to fix stuff for me if I ask. You are always available to cuddle. I can always smile at you and touch you. Jealousy is not a turn on. It's not nice to try and make me feel jealous, which is really just a way of making me feel inadequate. That doesn't work on me, it just makes me walk away.

I realize that I may sound like a bitch but I'm just making sure I don't waste anyone's time and I'm giving fair warning about what it's like to be with me. The ups and the downs. Maybe you don't want someone so strong willed, stubborn, or drastic, even if I also happen to be upbeat, smiley, and adoring. Who knows.

This Internet thing doesn't necessarily make me feel comfortable. Wouldn't it be lovely if we met by accident? I'm giving it a try because why not. But...I'm not, like, over the moon about it.

I started a non-profit organization this year. Our first program launches in May 2013. Give us your money. Also I'm a personal chef, caterer, teach healthy cooking classes for children and adults, give workshops on getting kids to love reading and on nutrition/Type II Diabetes, I'm a dog trainer as of late which is weird and probably dangerous since I don't know the first thing about it, in college I wrote term papers for lazy folk for money, I used to be a security guard, I trade services using photography, I was a server for four years before I left my friends, family, and boyfriend of two and a half years for culinary school in California, and one time I mistakenly worked a day in an actual, real life sweat shop.

I fucking love productivity.

Making huge bubbles with perfect proportions of dishsoap and water, and air. No, seriously. It seems to delight children and it makes ladies faint with wonder. Men are probably fond of how it kind of looks like I'm giving a beej.

I pick things up very quickly. I'm crafty, solution oriented, enthusiastic, and hopelessly talented. And modest. Not really. I'm good at a lot of things but it's probably safer to say that I'm good at anything I really try to do well.

Things that I'm NOT good at no matter how I try include: non-culinary mathematics in my head, wrapping gifts (I recently discovered the wonders of gift bags/tissue paper), keeping my opinions about diet soda and other things I hate to myself, and giving actors, actresses, and directors a second chance. Also I have a terrible sense of direction. Simply awful. Laughable. I blame the Girl Scouts. Also, sadly, gardening. Though I've tried many, many times. I find it disheartening.

My unadulterated swanlike beauty and the circle of animated woodland creatures surrounding me at all times.

Decisions....

Books/Authors: To Kill a Mockingbird, Twelfth Night, Steinbeck, Toni Morrison, The Giver, Neruda poetry, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Less than Zero, The Hobbit, Harry Potter series, some Stephen King even though he is....anyway, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Roald Dahl (yo, some children's books are kickass enough to read again as an adult....on the floor of the living room...when you're supposed to be helping your mom make a donation box for the library...) and many, many, many, many more.

Movies/Directors: Wes Anderson, Stanley Kubrick, Charlie Chaplin (he's my birthday buddy! hearts!) Alfred Hitchcock, Martin Scorcese, Paul Thomas Anderson (minus The Master, what the hell was that) and then let's throw in West Side Story/The Sound of Music/Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (musicals make my heart flutter but I get it why people don't go nuts over them). I love foreign films as well -- Bread and Tulips, Seven Beauties, Run Lola Run, Amelie, Jules et Jim, Ikiru, and many, many, many more.

TV: The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, The Wire, Will & Grace, Madmen, Breaking Bad, Arrested Development, The Daily Show, Strangers With Candy, LOST (minus the last episode because WAY to DROP the CHRISTIAN BALL), 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, and oh dear me how on earth could I forget South Park? and many, many, many more.

Music: I will listen to anything at least once. I use Pandora to remind myself of albums that I love and then Spotify to listen to the album. Genres I don't like include dub step, other house-y music, country, any rap not on the album called Doggystyle, and poppy pop. Lady Gaga is a monstrous, purposely shocking creature who makes very creative music videos but she will never be Madonna and needs to be okay with it. Justin Bieber looks like a lesbian. Genres I especially like include soul, motown, and rock and roll from the 60s and 70s. Otis Redding and Sam Cooke make me weak in the ankles. In case that's what you are going for.

Food: It gives me so much joy to cook for others. If you can hold your own in the kitchen, great! You can be my sous. If you can't cook, great! Immediately leave the kitchen and only come in when I call to you to reach something for me or because I want a hug. Either way, we'll eat yummy things that I make and you help with. If you like doing the dishes, call me immediately.

Assuming all my basic needs are met...
My kickass family & friends.
Some kind of instrument but if I'm being picky, my piano or guitar.
Black coffee with lemon in the morning.
The Trenton Farmers Market/Halo Farms
Access to nature.
Manual transmissions.

I'm a planner. I spend a lot of time making lists.

It's easier to get me out on a Monday or a Tuesday because if I can avoid being shoved, I do. Unless I'm going to a show, in which case I am challenging strangers to dance offs or rock paper scissor games and drinking gin or whiskey. Not in the same night.

I have saved every single letter anyone has ever sent me through the mail. Birthday cards, no, unless they were used to hold a longer handwritten letter.

You have goals for yourself and are proud of yourself and the person that you are.
You are kind and wonderful to snuggle with, you never say mean or hurtful things.
You are dedicated to surrounding yourself with only the best people who make you feel great and positive, and would make me feel great too.
You submit to the fact that there is just no one in the world like me and are ready to appreciate that.
You are ready for a whirlwind of giggles and adventure.
You own a car or you live in a city and that's why you don't.