First off, I think Red Bull tastes like piss and skittles. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's what it is. People who drink 6 Red Bulls a day scare me. Partly because they like to drink skittle piss, but also because they often are uncomfortably wired.

If there was a dance-off between me and the Pope, I assure you that I'd win hands down. In fact, my dance skills are so amazing that I'd probably beat every person on earth that lacks rhythm in a dance-off. My signature moves include the sprinkler and the cabbage patch. You might be thinking to yourself that you're not ready -- you're not. Trust me, no one is.

After 3 1/2 years with an awesome guy, our journey together has ended. I spent a good year lamenting, repeatedly yelling "Why?!?" while shaking my fists, and playing "Song for the Dumped" on loop. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for now that I'm over it. I guess I'll play it by ear.

I was almost shot in India over a Subway sandwich during my study abroad. I've also been molested by primates (the non human kind). I tend to reenact these stories after a few beers, but not too many or else I'll start adding ninjas on pogo sticks. By the way pirates are better than ninjas.

I am left-handed and easily distracted by glittery objects and sequins.

At this moment in time I am pursuing my Certificate of Public Health. I'm not exactly sure if this will lead to an MPH or some PsyD program. If that doesn't pan out I'll have a nice bonfire for all those textbooks I bought cause you know the buyback price is always less than a McDonalds Sweet Tea.

I also work for a biotech company. Hooray Science!

...making myself sound intriguing on paper. I bet you are scanning this thing thinking to yourself "this chick sounds pretty amazing/funny." If you weren't please pretend you were; it helps my ego.

I have dreadlocks. Seriously, people will come from freaking nowhere to compliment my hair. No lie. For example, I was at the ATM, and this woman jumps out of her car to approach me. I'm thinking she's trying to rob me, but she wanted to know how I my dreads look "even." Strange women also ask me about my hair care regiment. I'll tell you the secret: Lather, rinse, then repeat.

I'm pudgenificent. I like carbs but don't like running. I'm going to make the assumption you can put the two together, but if not I'm pretty sure I can find you some diagrams on the internet.

(Books) Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, The Color Purple, Musashi, Ender's Game, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, The Coldest Winter Ever

(Film) Miami Connection, Chicago, O Brother Where Art Thou, Talladega Nights, Coming to America, Gattaca, Little Miss Sunshine, The Fifth Element, Kill Bill (1&2), The Last Dragon

(Shows) Misfits, South Park, Dollhouse, Arrested Development, X-Men, Daria, Mongrels, The Boondocks, Arthur, Scandal

(Artists) Radiohead,The Roots, Parliament Funkadelic, Janelle Monae, Childish Gambino, Earth Wind and Fire, Royksopp, Weird Al, Daft Punk, Imogen Heap, Beats Antique, Jamiroquai, Shostakovitch, Blochhead, RJD2, Amon Tobin, Bonobo, Olafur Arnalds.

(Food) Thai, soup, smoothies, veggie samosas

Laughter- Because life is boring w/o it.
My inhaler- Because I would probably die without it
Toilet paper- Call me vain, but I LOVE that luxury
Sleep- I get my 7 hrs...or else
Good company- Whether its family or friends, life isn't that fun alone.
Music- Without that, my super sweet dance moves will make me seem like I'm having a seizure.

Why the receipts I need to return something are NEVER around. I'd call it a conspiracy, but I keep losing the proof.

Why guys think its cool to send people photos of their manhood without notification. Not a big fan of talking to someone then all of a sudden PENIS. That mess makes me want to curl into a ball and curse technology.

When Google will become self aware and steal the nuclear launch codes. Don't get me wrong I love Google, but I'm pretty sure my Android phone will somehow enslave the human race or at least just me.

...grabbing a drink with friends. I know it sounds cliche but it's true.
....watching 90's tv shows on Netflix. I <3 Netflix.

I don't know how to ride a bike. No lie, I never learned. I wanna learn, but haven't gotten around to it.

...you believe "It's Morphin Time!" is an acceptable phrase to say before getting dressed in the morning.

...you are the literate type. Honestly the 1-4 word messages baffle me although I sometimes do it myself. I know, I'm a hypocrite.

...you too have been sexually assaulted by non human primates (NHP). We could form a support group or something.

...you want to. There's no point in messaging someone you can't stand. That seems a bit immature, but then again most of these websites remind me of high school. Let the trolling commence!