39 Newark, OH
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My self-summary
This started off as just a decent online dating profile, until it it began to double as my personal manifesto. I'm a Discordian dadist trans woman noisician working on/with chaos magick. I'm not here to educate you about being a woman who for whatever reason was born transsexual. Transgender has far too broad of scope to be specific for me at all. I'm completely confident that it is not necessarily transsexuals' place or duty to belong to T/B/G/L identifications or movements, but free to live however is right for us. Know that we don't owe you a damn thing! All rude and/or otherwise inappropriate comments will only be deleted. I will take no abuse. I am myself. I won't change to comfort your ignorance.

I'm a blue collar noisician working on my experimental microtonal industrial drone projects and finally becoming okay with my life. I've called myself a musician before. I certainly have been one. It was terrible! I'm serious! It didn't inspire me! It killed my creativity! The further I've gotten from employing such ideas, the better off I've become! It was absolutely horrible to have a complete creative block. Now that I'm working through it; I could just explode!

My main focus is a binaural altered states inducing, mind expanding i.e. psychedelic(also because it's hallucinogenic), industrial dub noise project. I'm doing synths live with vocals and tape, for justice! Being the guinea pig for this project has come with a heavy price. Just because you can skip standard steps of information and ritual à la chaos magick, doesn't mean you won't need to do some catching up to cope with and get the most out of something entirely new. I started off dabbling with magick, but I unleashed something advanced while working on a great creative idea. Long story. I took down including the altered states description for a good while because it needed to undergo a process of stabilization and refinement. But it's better than ever now and will roll out soon. It is my life's mission to heal, help expand consciousness, improve mental health and function while furthering our evolution.

The newest tracks:
My best recording is at the top of the soundcloud link. I mostly play an analog modular synthesizer. I'll post more here later. Why not? Old stuff you can check out though it's mostly just okay in my opinion:
What I’m doing with my life
Examining sound to free our minds, be loved by people with similar ideals to mine and help people evolve.

Practicing, playing and perfecting noise. Mixing analog audio to cassette tapes, saving for cajons and an electric bass guitar.
I’m really good at
Making unusual music.

Seeing reality simultaneously along with what seems like the spiritual plane. Don't believe unless you use beliefs as your tools.
The first things people usually notice about me
"We must sweep and clean. Affirm the cleanliness of the individual after the state of madness, aggressive complete madness of a world abandoned to the hands of bandits." - Tristan Tzara

My caustic humor? I used to be unconsciously and consciously very abrasive. You grow up with white hot rage, hatred and loathing constantly swirling through and around you. See what happens.

I've made it a healthy habit to distrust people.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: The graphic novels of the comic strips by Mark Beyer, Book of Lies: The Disinformation Guide to Magick and the Occult, William S. Burroughs, Joseph Campbell, Lewis Carrol, Allen Ginsberg, The Way of the Shaman by Michael Harner, Principia Discordia by Malaclypse the Younger and Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, The Spiritual Journey of Alejandro Jodorowsky, Carl Jung, The Mothman Prophecies by John Keel, H.P. Lovecraft, Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillett, The Art of War by Sun Tzu, The Fairy Faith in Celtic Countries by W.Y. Evans-Wentz

Movies and Documentaries: Most Luis Buñuel, David Lynch, Alejandro Jodorowsky and Éric Rohmer. I've been obsessed with French New Wave cinema since I got turned on to it over a year and a half ago.

Plus: , A Streetcar Named Desire, Amelie, Apocalypse Now, Beautiful Darling, Begotten, Blade Runner, Brazil, Dagon, Daisies, The Decline of Western Civilization, The Devil and Daniel Johnston, Donnie Darko, Easy Rider, Fight Club, Fireworks, Girl Groups - The Story of Sound, Gozu, Gummo, Ken Burns Jazz, Meshes of the Afternoon, My Name is Albert Ayler, Naked Lunch, Oldboy(the original Korean film), On the Waterfront, Puce Moment, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Fellini Satyricon, The Science of Sleep, The Seventh Seal, Solaris(1972), Sound?? - Rahsaan Roland Kirk and John Cage, Taxi Driver, Tetsuo: The Iron Man, They Live, The Trial (1963), Twelve Monkeys, Vertigo, Watchmen, Weekend (1967), What About Me: The Rise of the Nihilist Spasm Band

I also love the BBC documentary trilogy:
The Century of The Self
The Trap
The Power of Nightmares

I've shrunk the following list to leave only the ones that influence me the most so they'll get the proper attention, though I'm working on creating sounds I haven't heard by anyone else. No more tired old chords and scales. Never again. If I do bad, I'll do better later. If you don't like it, shove it up your ass!
Music: More or less every project involving Justin K Broadrick, Merzbow, The Nihilist Spasm Band, Sunn O))), early Swans, Whitehouse, Wolf Eyes. Analog synthesizers. The low end. Sub-bass. Noise.

I listen to a lot of different types of music. I don't think I'm usually difficult to get along with musically. I'm not into hardly any nu metal, pop country, pop punk or pop music in general. I do my best to be open minded though.

Foods: I'm working toward eating more fresh or alive food. I tear through quarts of yogurt every week. I strive for vegetarian, but I'm working to get into power lifting; so I'm not if I need the protein and meat is handy. I mostly do it for health reasons. My favorite are Mediterranean, French, Indian, Asian. I recently learned that some varieties of red wine are among my very favorite things in the world.
The six things I could never do without
My music equipment. I finally have the right instruments!

Medications and the usual nutrients required for life. I'm interested in and admire learning survival skills. I do think most people should get in touch with nature; though I have no peaches and creme illusions about our society going back in time to just living off the land, especially if we suddenly need to learn how. Most of us have too little knowledge and preparation for that.
I spend a lot of time thinking about


Dreams, symbolism, surrealism and abstract expressionism in general.

Romance. Being romantic whether alone and single, platonic or not.

How to dump all the bullshit society tries to poison me with, at least from my mind but hopefully other ways as well.

Have you ever floated two coins across a desert, then had them make love by rubbing them together?
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing the same thing I do every night, Pinky. Though I am occasionally coaxed into doing various things with my friends. So don't worry about me. But usually I'm:

A. At home gaining more control of my mind. B. Just listening to or Making music. C. Reading D. All of the above.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm probably one of the most introverted people you could ever meet. I finally figured out that I have extremely high social anxiety; which among other negative symptoms, manifests as ADD symptoms.

I've not yet accepted compliments about most of my noise. It's getting on now. It's moving on now.

I want to work on developing my notation for writing microtonal symphonies. At this point, I admit I'm overburdened.

Once I add some weird kick drums and whatnot I'll be on to building my strange drum set to become an experimental drummer.

I research information to help aid what has seemed to be my abilities as a "seer"(though I can hear and feel the touch of what may be spirits too); which I've had some success at. Sometimes I see and feel them with my eyes open. Sometimes with them shut. Sometimes I observe something classic, like fairy folk. Sometimes I see something unknown like a glassy floating red three-dimensional pulsating orb, just as another example. It usually varies widely. Sound too far out? Get out. This is what I experience. Chaos magic works best for me. I use and grow with whatever works. We are all on different paths, but drink from the same cup. I'm a skeptic and strive to be as skeptical as possible at all times.

I usually don't advertise being a trans woman, but I got sick of people wasting my time pretending to still be willing to be around me after finding out, in a weak attempt to spare my feelings. Just get lost already! This ain't my first rodeo! I'm not trying to be with someone. Anymore, I'm doing just as well alone. I don't mind going for long stretches of solitude. Often I find it very relaxing and helpful with introspection.

I actually have a "hard fem" side. "Soft butch" seems incorrect. I may start to work on displaying that some here. I dunno. Earlier, I was going with the idea that dudes only seem to want extreme fems; and revealing being trans has almost always scared away cis-women to the point where I don't want to even flirt but often still do. I've seen the stigma that's been attached to being a transsexual woman. I refuse to play along with people's games. When I sense them, I do my best to disappoint. People have expected me to work on pleasing them my whole life. Well if they aren't worth it, or want to interfere, they'll get the exact opposite; I promise you! But I'm now doing better about not letting other people's problems become my own. Just in the past year or so, even in the little bubble I tend to live in, I've seen some positive changes in people and our societies. I'm working not to hold grudges and give those sincerely apologetic people another chance; because we all mess up sometimes. Life can be really hard like that, but I've got to believe we can make things better for everyone but perhaps the most closed-minded and cold-hearted.

I'm pretty much a hermit. I've been taking a break from all people, minus my two closest friends even more lately. I'm just tired of when people start getting to know me personally, then they just don't understand me at all. It's completely exhausting, at best. I hate constantly being highly suspicious of others and always ready for fight or flight. Hmm. Now that I think about it; this isolation is also and probably more about bridging further creative, spiritual and psychological gaps. Though it all seems like the same thing.

“Magick has many aspects, but primarily it acts as a dramatized system of psychology” - “Pope Bob”, Robert Anton Wilson
You should message me if
1. You have something interesting to talk about.
2. Are a feminist! Trans-misogynist, so called "radfems" giving feminism a bad name do not count. They are not feminists.
3. You must be trans positive!
4. Are not racist.
5. Aren't trying to be a pain in my ass! Wow!
6. Aren't some kind of tea bagging "conservative" rapeublican!

Please bear in mind; that I've recently entered the most time consuming and productive phase of my life. There are no signs of slowing down any time soon. So even if you fit the above criteria, and are a really interesting person I'd like to get to know; chances are that my response will be greatly delayed at best.