At age 19 I was kidnapped by Turkish pirates. I make maps of other countries and occasionally work at an art museum. I like going to concerts and bars and I like beer a lot. I was once put in a headlock by a Congressman but he's in jail now for racketeering. I'm pretty curious about things and ask a lot of questions. I like bar trivia and dumb jokes. I enjoy judo chopping your mom. I do some blogging and freelancing and such too. I'd like to take Andy Rooney's job on 60 Minutes or be the mayor of Bumpass, Virginia or Fucking, Austria. They are real places.

trying to have fun, being late to work, hanging out, bloggin', playing in leagues for "non-traditional" sports like bocce and wiffleball, drinking many kinds of beer, and trying to go to every concert I'm kind of interested in. Sometimes that means I see shitty ones where a guy wearing a silver wig reads Bill Clinton's autobiography. Trying to finagle my work into sending me overseas.

Geography, video games (old school Nintendo especially), opening jars, holding my breath, talking about beer, fixing toilets, bad puns, and Trivial Pursuit. bring it.

My big breasts. Though some people say I look like Harry Potter, the guy from Phish, Chuck Klosterman, or Bill Gates. I don't really agree with the last one.

Books - Confederates in the Attic, Confederacy of Dunces, stuff not about confederacies. Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, TC Boyle, 1491, Geography of Nowhere, and stuff about cities, architecture, history, beer, and Confucius.

Movies - Lost in Translation, Animal House, All the President's Men, Coming to America, Zoolander, Chinatown, Billy Madison, Pootie Tang, Life Aquatic, Patton, Superbad, Outside Providence, Boogie Nights, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, L'Auberge Espagnole, Half Baked, Wet Hot American Summer, Old School, PCU, zombie movies, war movies, and whatever shows up in my mailbox.

Recently I've been trying to watch every movie about skiing. Most of them are the same -- crazy party dudes versus the rich snobs or the lame people who don't like parting. I haven't got around to seeing a lot of the movies everyone else has seen - Godfather, American Beauty, Usual Suspects, etc.

Music - lately electronic rock stuff (Hot Chip, Cut Copy, Digitalism, Walter Meego). my last.fm chart toppers are American Analog Set, Daft Punk, Hot Chip, Sufjan Stevens, Super Furry Animals, Magnetic Fields, Spoon, Lykke Li, The Clash, Kings of Convenience. And things of that nature. Also old school rap, catchy stuff, funny stuff, classic rock, bluegrass, brit-pop.

Food - Lions

There should be an (e) TV also. Jackass, Always Sunny, Flight of the Conchords, Trigger Happy TV, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, Mythbusters, sports (especially baseball and college basketball), Cops, Colbert, Daily Show, and stuff on TLC and Discovery and such.

I don't really need that much stuff. Probably music, corrective lenses, thinking, my pet donkey, and two other things of your choice.

what I'm going to do with my life, san francisco, girls, what my Halloween costume will be - because it's the best holiday - and what to write about

conquering the steppes of central Asia with my horde

I'm a spy. Also, I like to keep my socks on.

You are fun, spontaneous, clever, like beer, like concerts, or any combination of those. Or you think I sound interesting. Girls who look good in t-shirts are a big plus too.