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40 M Saint Paul, MN

My Details

Last Online
Today – 2:39am
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Very often
Graduated from masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Has dogs

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My self-summary
Go home, OK Cupid. You're drunk.

This flippant profile is brought to you by...The Letter B...and The Number 9 . Number Nine...Number Nine...Number Nine...

"I was born a poor black child..."

This is not the conventional guy's conventional profile. But don't fret - a thousand such guys are just a click away! Your ab-baring, bathroom-mirror-"selfie"-taking, "chillaxing" laid back, proudly posing with dead animal hero is out there waiting for you - I promise!

I tried the committed, well-detailed, serious approach on OKC for years to no now you get to enjoy my flip, moderately satirical side! Strap yourselves in, ladies. "$19.95 gets you the WHOLE SEAT! But you'll only need THE EDGE!"

Perhaps we could help each other to discover our mutual special purposes. I know I've got one of those! (Note my capacity for reflexivity? Score One!)

I'm really not "More Capitalistic", "Less Progressive", and/or "Less Lonely" than average, no matter what OKC says. Try me and see.

(and in spite of all this flippancy, I assure you that at most times I remain a sincere person! Preferably enjoy with a glass of bourbon at the ready - it'll be more fun that way.)
What I’m doing with my life
Winning the world over, one person at a time. Only
7,121,030,000 to go (this job keeps getting harder and harder)!

Waiting for the one I know is right for me to come around, entertaining myself until she does. Life, therefore, is alternately amazing and exasperating.
I’m really good at
celebrating vanity.

I'm awesome at everything - especially irony!
The first things people usually notice about me
are my undeniable charisma, my dashing good looks, my unfathomable eloquence, and the astonishing fact that women experience life-altering epiphanies upon meeting me. Seriously - you should try me, because "Once you go Axe, you never go back."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
It takes a special kind of woman to read between the lines. And to tell you the truth, I'm really only interested in special kinds of women, anyway. Therefore, if the below makes any sense to you, write me!

The Mentat Handbook
World Targets in Megadeaths
The Books of Bokonon
Tobin's Spirit Guide
Ethel The Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying
Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds (The Expurgated Version)

Who Dat Ninja

Everybody Loves Hypnotoad (ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD.)
Mock Trial With J. Reinhold
Bud Court

Spinal Tap
Love Fist
The Soggy Bottom Boys
Eddie and the Cruisers

Soylent Green
Romulan Ale
Jelly Babies
The six things I could never do without
Books (Physical ones, not this "Nook" and "Kindle" crap)
Phytoplanktonic algae
Gravity and Electromagnetism
c. 1kg/cm2 barometric pressure

(If you list your phone here, you need new priorities. Seriously.)
On a typical Friday night I am
putting the finishing touches on the time and space displacement device I've been tinkering with in the basement. It should be completed next month. Would you like to join me for initial trials? This is not a joke. You must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I haven't done this before...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
is that I once painted a casino, just to watch it dry.

is that if I read one more adult woman's profile that says "I am in love with the Harry Potter series (I'm a nerd, I know!)," I think I'll barf up a goddamned lung.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 28–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you don't think too highly of yourself (hubris is a HUGE turnoff).

you're both kind and communicative (these are non-negotiable traits). Your first message is a test of communication skill. I ask you profile-relevant questions; if/when you reply, you should do the same for me.

you think canoeing, camping, hiking, and road tripping to National or State Parks are good ways to spend your warm weather time.

you don't have a height-based deal breaker (I'm nearly 6'2", so I doubt I'd be weeded out anyway, but I won't stand for someone with innate physical trait demands. Just think what you'd say to a guy who refused to date a woman with less than a 36 D chest, eh?).

you aren't "busy" ("busy" people bore me).

there is neither a toilet nor a fake moustache in your profile photos.

you are willing to serve as henchman to my World Class Supervillain ("On your way out, if you want to kill somebody, it would help a lot").

you can drive a manual transmission (few things are sexier than a woman who can handle a stick. I took a photo the last time I saw it in person, and it hangs in my office).

you'd like to test my lingual skill (wink wink, nudge nudge, knowwhatImean saynomore).

You're mature enough not to use "words" like "bestie" and "selfie" and "foodie" and "YOLO". This is more important than you might think. I'm serious when I say if you use these words in conversation, we are *not* a match.

you know what Toynbee Tiles are.

you're a patient reader - traces of my earlier more genuine profile exist in many expanded answers to OKC questions.

you don't smoke pot. It's an automatic deal-breaker.

you find the OKC match rating algorithm and accompanying personality descriptors suspect (case in point: I just saw someone I know for a fact is the very definition of inattentive to others' needs listed as "more attentive" than someone else here. I call foul!).