You've tried the best, now try the rest..... Wait....... That's not right........

My Name is Daniel, but my friends call me Goose (Long story, nothing sexual. I promise) and/or Larios. I prefer the latter, but what're you gonna do? Nothing, that's what.

I'm a writer, one of about a million who have "talent" but not yet successful. I write poetry, short stories, and humorous essays. I don't really like to talk about myself much, but if I must, I must.

I like questioning things. I don't know why that is, I guess I never really thought about it. People tell me I'm funny and I don't know where they get that. I am told that I am intelligent. Not to brag but I have an IQ of 139, yet I'm a bit of an idiot when it comes to people. Yeah, I'm not that braggy in person. Its just you gotta brag a bit in these things to really stand out. That and throw out a random collection of words: BINGLE BONGLE DINGLE DANGLE LICKITY DOO LICKITY DA PING PONG LIPPY TUBBY TOO TA. I'm very good at listening because I like observing and knowing what goes on in other people's lives. I get that from my mom..... and my dad.... and my 5 sisters, not much from my 2 brothers. I'm very exploitable, thanks to 23 years of Catholic Guilt (thanks to a certain female parent that shall remain nameless) and my incessant need to impress/attract women.

My hobbies are writing dating profiles, reading pamphlets I find in Doctor's offices, collecting video games, and running from my problems. I play the cello, the recorder, a bit of the accordion, and a bit of piano. I always bring a banana to a party. You never know when you need one. Oh and I tend to write on walls instead of paper. You can lose a piece of paper, but you can never lose a wall.

With me, chivalry is not dead. I will open doors, pull out chairs, and stand when a lady is standing. I am nothing if not a gentleman. And don't let my pictures fool you. I am considered devilishly handsome in the Falkland Islands and parts of Guam..... but not the good parts. Now I'm just babbling incoherently. If you are still reading this thing, then may have already won my affection. Yup that's it. That's all it takes. I'm as disappointed as you are and I'm the one writing this thing. Do yourself a favor and RUN!!!!

Got my BA in Political Science, minor in History and Chicano Studies from Loyola Marymount University. Working on my Masters degree in Political Science. I don't know why, seems more impressive telling people I'm a master in something. Maybe I'll get my doctorate so that people would call me doctor without the usual sarcastic tone.

Most of the time, I'm writing, mostly funny short stories, poems, and humorous essays.

I work as an intern at a city Public Information Office. Basically, PR for the city.

Oh and I'm also one of five Library Commissioners for the City of Commerce. Impressed? Don't be.

Things, stuff, and mocking, especially mocking. I'm a Mocker. I mock. I'm also a nogoodnik, a ruffian, a hooligan, a cutup and a card that needs to be dealt with.

I'm also great at drinking whiskey, driving stick shift, baking, and every variation thereof.

Krumping.... That's still a thing, right?

I'm also a pretty darn good unicyclist, well at least in theory. I've never actually tried it, but I bet I would be pretty fantastic at it.

Finally, I am great at being socially awkward. Its a curse I wish I didnt have, but so is the life of a nerd/geek/dork.

My ripped (as in muscular, not torn) Achilles Tendons, my inner beauty, and my unusual resemblance to Swedish Soccer player, Zlatan Ibrahimović.

Fav. Bands and artists: She and Him, The Offspring, Nirvana, Cypress Hill, BB King, Ella Fitzgerald, Sinatra, Martin, Davis Jr., (some people are surprised that someone as young and cool as me likes old timey music.) Los Lonely Boys, Muddy Waters,

Fav. Movies: Any Kevin Smith movie, Godzilla movies, Star Wars (yes, even the prequels), The Big Lebowski, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Iron Man 1 and 2, Trading Places, A Day Without A Mexican, and any comic book movie.

Fav. TV shows: Dr. Who, South Park, Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, Firefly, 30 Rock, Eureka, West Wing, Colbert Report and Daily Show, Psych, House, Burn Notice, and Castle.

I like to read, and my favorite authors are Neil Gaiman, David Sedaris, Rodolfo Acuna, Miguel Leon-Portilla and Martin Espada. Oh and I like comic books.

My Favorite word: FUCK. and Mahogany. try saying mahogany without smiling. I DARE YOU.

Humor,
Whiskey,
My laptop,
family and friends,
the English Language,
and Carbon. Can't do anything without Carbon.

Toast, Zombies riding dragons fighting Unicorn Centaurs, Things that would turn a regular man's mind into liquid crap. Oh and monocles. I have an unhealthy obsession with monocles. Oh and I constantly say weird things that come to my mind. Its pretty annoying. You've been warned.

Plotting ways to take over the world using nothing but Styrofoam, a napkin and hair clips. Almost had it that one time but foiled by none other than The Doctor himself. I also fight dragons with my enchanted sword, and no that is not a euphamism. Either that or I'm out drinking, being charming and funny... (Editor's Note: He is neither charming nor funny when he is drunk.) Or I'm home watching tv. Depends on how annoying people around me are. The more annoying=the more booze I need.

I know the Muffin Man, I know who stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I know why the caged bird sings, and I know where the red fern grows. I also know the way to San Jose, I know what you did last summer, and of course, I know who shot the deputy, seeing as how I shot the sheriff.

I've always wanted to learn how to play the bagpipes. I guess I just want to annoy people in a musical level.

And finally, I am a triple threat. I am a Nerd, a Geek, AND a Dork. Yes, Yes, I amaze even myself.... Don't know why.

You're interested in an immature old soul who happens to be a nerd. Or if you just wanna talk. I like talking.

And Don't ask me for nude photos. I am sick and tired of ladies objectifying my body. I am not a piece of meat to be ogled at.