"Tis nothing good or bad. Thinking makes it so."

Skip below for one-liners. Here is a redacted narrative*:

Roué:
An opinionated 52 year-old Jewish woman fights with an outdated sex symbol inside of me; meanwhile I wait to be swept off my feet by some spectacular natural disaster of a human being. Like you, I am a total nutjob, rarely alone: another microcosm of arrogance in a self-perpetuating pool o' squishy stuff.

C.V.:
Part-time slave, full-time artist, Don Giovanni, and recently a bad-ass until I kicked my own ass.
I gravitate toward people who demand effort, not a lot of work.

M.O.:
Used to want to change the world, but now I just want to leave the house with a little bit of dignity.
Judging conversation by the effect it has on others, not its contribution to our self-esteem

Governing Philosophies:
When life throws at you lemmings - make fur coat with scarf to match.
I don't understand boredom.
I believe in compassion. Takers?
Life is too short for boring food, cheap fragrance, and bad sex.

Disclosure:
I don't tolerate stupidity, especially that of others. I am a licensed hedonist in 4 states. I'm a crude intellect with a refined sense of humor. The word 'deserve' makes me ill. I'm frequently annoying, but never obnoxious. Like any good Western, I spot rugged individualism, offer at least one good chase scene, and have a great score. I'm diagnosed combination ADD-OCD; I can't focus on the things I obsess over.

*This is me on dating QVC. Actual results may vary.

Seeking metaphors, only to return home to sleep with the devil and drink his whiskey made from your tears, then off again to participate in the cataleptic majority.

OMG I love to travel! Once I went to outer space, and never came back.

Most importantly, I'm acquiring junk so my sporadic acquaintances can waste time throwing it all away when I die.

making you think twice
contributing to national debt

my glass eye

any movie or book with me in it
life, now showing near you

painter: balthus
pianist: james BOOKER
poet: frank o'hara gets me hot and bothered in time for bed
polemicist: burroughs
prick: JFK

scars
vanity
a congressman
a copy of The Red and the Black
a Steinway

all parts of the buffalo
manifesting architecture
thelonious monk
the person we pretend to be, and the animals we inhabit
ego: the key to economic growth.
woody allen's stylist
an Ab, Eb, and a C# walked into a bar

any one of 2,473 variations on a theme

washing pots at my two jobs and taking frequent doses of aspirin.
enjoying second-hand culture
teaching piano

i sleep without a pillow

you find happiness in small things, and die in superficial conversation. i eat up emotional and intellectual maturity, and ambitious curiosity - maybe i'll reciprocate??

if you're awfully prosaic, i'll eat you for breakfast. i'm hella smart when I'm not blowing time here.

spare me if you are self-described awesome, or laugh/smile a lot while traveling all over the goddamn place and/or saving the world from easily identifiable problems any red-blooded american 25-yo with a BA in Intercultural Studies and two years' experience of teaching English abroad could solve. photos of you showing off 21st century western technology to folks in poor countries will encourage me to vomit on my screen.

finally, contact me if you can wire funds into my account to help release a Nigerian hostage/oil/herpes cure, or if you can inspire me without charging.

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