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beholddestroyer

29 M Columbus, OH

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Other
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English, German (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I am real. I am so real that you can hold me up to the light and see a hologram. But the hologram is just a picture of me. But I am real. The real deal. I am so genuine that you can “ride it, my pony." That’s a reference to something kind of obscure, but not really. That’s how genuine I am. I am so legit, that I cannot quit. In fact, that is probably also my main problem. But problems mean I am real, dawg, so step off. And stepping is something I do well. No twisted ankles here. Don’t step on any cracks either, so your mother’s back is safe. But not her backside, if you know what I mean. Yeah. I am your new dad- step-dad- how does that make you feel? I am your age and I will send you to your room. Don’t you talk to me like that under my roof and I do not care whose name is on the deed, because the deed is done and that deed is your underage drinking and I also do not care how old you really are. Beep bop a doop, yeah. Put on these jammies and put down that whiskey, Santa Claus is a-comin’ tonight.
What I’m doing with my life
Collecting fortunes out of fortune cookies. You know they don't come true if you don't eat the cookie.
I’m really good at
Apparently I'm pretty good at Wii Mario Kart. Came in 8th place on my first try.
The first things people usually notice about me
Grinning, chuckling to myself like an idiot.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Oh, uh, well..I, uh, wha-what do you like?
The six things I could never do without
I jotted this all down on a piece of paper earlier with the intention of putting it in here as soon as I got to a computer. But on the walk to my car, it fell out of my back pocket and as I dove to retrieve it, the air displaced by my falling body must have pushed it into a storm drain. I can't remember what I put down and I don't want to get this part wrong, because I think it's vital that you and I have very similar necessities. It's probably the most important thing on here. I just can't wing it like I did the rest of this profile.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My next great salvo of tweets.
On a typical Friday night I am
Out with the girls! We're so quirky and our humor random; we all ride bikes of model tandem.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
One time I was walking back from drinking my with my friend and these two surly- presumably drunk- ladies were walking down the street smoking cigarettes and they were saying "fuck you" to all the passers-by and when it came my turn, I certainly got my "fuck you." But then one said, "no you looked nice. You're okay." And for the rest of my walk home I was in love.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–45
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You wanna make bad first impressions.

Or if you wanna get matching tattoos.