If I "Liked" you, but haven't messaged you, I'm probably a bit off from your stated preferences and I don't want to bother you, but I'm hoping you think I'm cute and you'll make an exception. Go ahead, message me =)
Me: Chubby, bearded, handsome, professional, educated, stable long-term job, open marriage. Wife knows all about my OKC profile and has one of her own. Happy at home and not looking to change my situation. Seeking one good FWB, not just a string of one-nighters. (And by "FWB" I really mean someone I can be friends with; someone I genuinely like and respect and find interesting.)
I am equally likely to say something profoundly insightful or embarrassingly goofy without warning. I frequently embarass myself, but I can't help it. I am a pleasing yet perplexing mix of contradictions; equal parts respectful and irreverent, often brutally honest but simultaneously compassionate and kind. I'm not a bad boy, just a little naughty. If your panties get wet when a condescending, macho jerk talks down to you, then I am not your ideal match. I am an Anti-traditionalist up to and including a rejection of such manufactured and merchandized nonsense as holidays and birthdays. Rituals and tokens are meaningless; just be here now, mindful of the present, without artifice.
I am trained in japanese martial arts (Aikido, osu!!) but I am definitely a lover, not a fighter. I have a Zen attitude with a Budda belly to match. Socrates is my personal hero and the historical figure I most want to travel in time to meet. I am surprisingly agile and quick for a man my size and shape (I'm totally in-shape... what? Round is a shape!). I don't enjoy practical jokes or being competitive. I've worked in mental health as a therapist for around 15 years so you might get some free advice you didn't ask for (and worth every penny!), but I don't operate under the delusion that I know everything or that it's my job in life to somehow "fix" everyone I meet.
You: Attractive and fun-loving female 18 - 40, either single or married (open/poly), looking for occasional physical, intellectual and emotional stimulation without drama or complications. Ideally, you would also be in a stable primary relationship and I would be your occasional Good Time on the side. I am busy with work and projects and time with my wife, and I am not often available, so it's OK if you are busy, too.
I like short, tall, curvy, petite, just about any type, actually. A few extra pounds on the plus size side is no problem (I'm no skinny beanpole myself!), but srsly super-sized BBW (like 5' tall and 300#) just doesn't do it for me, sorry. A relatively low partner count is also preferred. I am NOT "slut-shaming" here, just looking for a partner similar to myself in general sexual experience and selectivity (and seeking to reduce risk of exposure to potential STDs).
My ideal match would be clean, smart, emotionally mature, drama free, affectionate, independent, easygoing with a positive attitude, sometimes just plain silly, and with a serious love of laughter. Common interests are a bonus but not critical so long as you can hold a decent conversation and our mutual needs are satisfied. (Being shiney and cursing in chinese are also very sexy, but I won't expect you to fix the engines or kill anyone with your mind.)
What I’m doing with my life
Work full time swing shift on an unusual scedule (Thurs/Fri are my "weekend"). Spending time with my lovely wife. Remodelling my house. Landscaping. Tinkering. Crafting. Philosophizing. Listening to podcasts while I'm busy with my hands (I highly recommend Marc Maron's WTF). Watching too much TV/Movies/Anime (Netflix and Crunchyroll FTW!). Trying to read more (so many good books that deserve consumption!) Dubstep drops during daily Dojo dedication. (Also, an amusingly absurd abundance of arbitrary alliteration.) The odd pointless philosophical rant... and the even odder, even more pointless, nonsensical rant mostly intend to amuse myself. Medieval weekend campouts and basic bardic badassery (SCAadian, anyone?).
I’m really good at
Looking on the bright side. I love to laugh and nothing is sacrosanct in my book. Keeping my cool and being patient. Listening and understanding. Giving people the benefit of the doubt ("Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity"). Not being jealous or possessive (seriously, who thinks they can own other people, as if human beings could ever be property?). Being thoughtful and purposefully brave rather than careless and ignorantly foolhardy. Seeing right to the core of problems and finding solutions... though some people may not like the honest answers.
The first things people usually notice about me
My crinkley-eyed smile and Buddha belly. I've been told I have nice hair and pretty blue eyes. Also, like most introverts I worry that I'm being too weird or accidentally offensive, so I tend to be almost autistically awkward until I develop a comfort level with someone. You'll probably notice that. Let's hope you find it charmingly vulnerable =)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Wheel of Time. Sword of Truth. The Belgariad and The Mallorian. The Philosophy of [topic] (pop culture essay series). Anything and everything by PKD. Stranger in a Strange Land. The Harm of Coming into Existence. "I'm not sick, I don't need Help!" By Xavier Amador. The prolific works of Piers Anthony (my favorite being the Incarnations of Immortality series). Stephen King's Dark Tower books. A Confederacy of Dunces. Various and sundry graphic novels (lately, Green Lantern and Batman).
Movies: The Matrix. LotR and The Hobbit. Fight Club. Seven Samurai. Star Wars (yes, I enjoyed the new trilogy, even if the first three are better). Naussicaa in the Valley of the Winds (and anything by Miyazaki). A Scanner Darkly. Akira. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Cloverfield. RHPS.
TV: The Mentalist. Walking Dead. The Leftovers. Game of Thrones. CSI. Madmen. Dexter. True Blood. Davinci's Demons. Arrested Development. Trigun. Steins;Gate. Psycho-Pass. Firefly. ST:TNG. TED Talks. FuriKuri. Orphan Black. Cosmos. Arrow. Flash. Supernatural.
Music: Krewella. Skrillex. Pendulum. Nero. AC/DC. Zeppelin and Floyd. Zomboy. Kill the Noise. Bolero by Ravel. Weird Al and Jonathan Coulton. Daft Punk. Fatboy Slim. Knife Party.
The six things I could never do without
Calm, quiet and comfort, but with a sprinkling of new ideas and novel experience.
Sharing my perspective and feeling understood, like someone really gets me.
Solving a complex problem with a practical hack.
The first blush and butterflies of a new mutual attraction.
The ability to make a positive impact on those I meet.
The feeling of accomplishment when I complete an important task or project.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to leave everyone better off for having known me, no matter how
briefly. (We all meet and get to know wonderful people who enter
and exit our lives unexpectedly. Never lament the brevity of an
encounter; rather, simply appreciate that you had the opportunity
to know them at all.) What my next project is going to be after I'm
done remodelling my house (probably solar power and rainwater
barrels). How to use the Higgs-Boson effect and 6th dimensional
n-space to slide into the nearby 'brane where I can assume the
identity of my fabulously wealthy alternate self, then perhaps take
over the world through cyberpunk-style shenannigans and giant
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching TV with the Mrs. Working in my shop. Mowing the lawn.
Picking up an extra shift at work for the overtime pay. Ridding
some electronic fantasy world of evil fiends on an epicly pointless
quest. Taking a leisurely stroll through Best Buy soaking in the
glorious geekery of it all and amusing myself with fantasies of the
perfect most epic Battle Station ever seen in the history of
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Not to brag, but... I am the most humble person you have ever met. Perhaps the most humble person who has ever lived. Supremely humble. No one is more humble than I. My "Humblest" blue ribbon collection takes up a significant portion of attic storage space because I win the humble contest at the state fair every year without breaking a sweat. It's almost a burden being so good at being humble. I am also irrepressibly irreverent =)
You should message me if
...you think I'm a total cutie and you want to see if I'm really as
interesting as I sound in this formulaic questionnaire.