Me: Chubby, bearded, handsome, professional, educated, stable long-term job, open marriage. Wife knows all about my OKC profile and has one of her own. Happy at home and not looking to change my situation. Seeking one good FWB, not just a string of one-nighters. (And by "FWB" I really mean someone I can be friends with; someone I genuinely like and respect and find interesting.)
I am equally likely to say something profoundly insightful or embarrassingly goofy without warning. I frequently embarass myself, but I can't help it. I am a pleasing yet perplexing mix of contradictions; equal parts respectful and irreverent, often brutally honest but simultaneously compassionate and kind. I'm not a bad boy, just a little naughty. If your panties get wet when a condescending, macho jerk talks down to you, then I am not your ideal match. I am an Anti-traditionalist up to and including a rejection of such manufactured and merchandized nonsense as holidays and birthdays. Rituals and tokens are meaningless; just be here now, mindful of the present, without artifice.
I am trained in japanese martial arts (Aikido, osu!!) but I am definitely a lover, not a fighter. I have a Zen attitude with a Budda belly to match. Socrates is my personal hero and the historical figure I most want to travel in tome to meet. I am surprisingly agile and quick for a man my size and shape (I'm totally in-shape... what? Round is a shape!). I don't enjoy practical jokes or being competitive. I've worked in mental health as a therapist for over a decade so you might get some free advice you didn't ask for, but I don't operate under the delusion that I know everything or that it's my job in life to somehow fix everyone I meet.
You: Attractive and fun-loving female 18 - 40 either single or married (open/poly) looking for occasional physical and intellectual stimulation without drama or complications. I like short, tall, curvy, petite, just about any type, actually. A few extra pounds on the plus size side is no problem (I'm no skinny beanpole myself), but srsly super-sized BBW (like 5' tall and 300#) just doesn't do it for me, sorry. A relatively low partner count is also preferred. NOT "slut-shaming" here, just looking for a partner similar to myself in experience (and seeking to reduce risk of exposure to potential STDs).
My ideal match would be clean, smart, emotionally mature, drama free, affectionate, independent, easygoing with a positive attitude, sometimes just plain silly, and with a serious love of laughter. Common interests are a bonus but not critical so long as you can hold a decent conversation and our mutual physical needs are satisfied. Being shiney and cursing in chinese are also very sexy, but I won't expect you to fix the engines or kill anyone with your mind.