OK. Let's get this straight. If you have a picture of yourself on a cell phone in the mirror rocking your abs, don't waste your time with me. I am not someone who cares about looks that much, and meatheads gross me out. I'm big into brains and humor, not buffness. Benwahgirl is not a sexual reference. It's a reference to an old Blink 182 song that I loved when I was 15 and first got the internet. I'm too old to be cutesy and creative with new screen names. If you insist it is a sexual reference and send me a creepy email, I'm not going to respond. I've had 5 really bad dates on here and 1 traumatizing year long relationship from here, so I'm starting to reevaluate being here. So please don't take offense to a lack of response from me.

If you make a video about me, (especially to this song.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmbzU6DGeno) I'll marry you tomorrow...

I'm a drinker. I love hamsters. I make *no* apologies for who I am. I laugh at all the follies in my life. I will someday be a lawyer. Right now I'm a waitress. My ex knows me better than anyone. I take life as it comes. I'm an insomniac. Eddie Izzard is the funniest man alive (big ups to Mitch Hedberg). I drink hazelnut coffee (heavy on the soymilk, 2 splendas please) like it's going extinct. Your mustache isn't ironic. Skinny jeans are for skinny people! I have a tendency to fall or bump into things a lot. I'm always bruised. I am vertically challenged. I am painfully shy and have a bitch reputation because of it. When I'm around people I'm comfortable with I sing and dance obnoxiously. I think veganism could save the world but I really like sour cream. I know how to knit a mean coaster. Life without hoodies would be pointless and cold. Daytime thunder storms make me happy. I'm severely jaded and mildly hopeful. Keith Olberman is a gorgeous mortal man god. I'm not your type. I have a wonderful cat who makes my life complete. I wear hoop earrings, I have 9 tattoos, I have my septum and nostril peirced, and I love Flogging Molly. I plan to get a half sleeve started soon. I wear flip flops in the winter. My biggest fear is olives (like, seriously. I cry when they are near me). If you type "lol" I will hate you. If you say "lol" in real life conversation when something is amusing, I will make out with you. I haven't eaten any meat or fish in 14 years and you won't convince me to. I am Miss Black Eyeliner. I enjoy short, vague, self descriptive sentences. Eggs make me puke. I lived in Philly until I was 14, then moved to South Florida until 23, so I have a bitch streak mixed with a spoiled girl's attitude. I burp loud and proud. I have toe thumbs and Fred Flintstone toes. PBR is medicine. My hair color changes to fit my mood. I'm thick like Al Roker. If I had it, I'd spend free time at the Franklin Institute and the Mutter Museum. I'm a former Suicide Girl who gained beer weight. I like to be grumpy. I smoke a lot. I hate drugs. I will punch my grandmother for the last pancake. I make a mean vegetarian meal. My goal is to one day marry Wreckless Eric. Politics and history are my main interests. I spend alot of time and money at Tom Fishers. I'm Buddhist. My sister is an insanely wealthy and accomplished Geologist and my brother is a drug addict. I am a dreamer who dreams of being insanely accomplished and addicted. My friends are my world and my heart. They come first. If you can't deal with that, move on to the next profile... (Hi five!)

Waking up, going (back) to the gym, working, texting people, saving and slaving, school, acting like I really care about what you eat, worrying about my ladies and my boys, living on the other side of a tattooed bromance...,laughing with my friends, *sloooooowly* writing a book, hoping that a 7 year old princess doesn't turn out like me or her mom...

Drinking you under the table, literally... Making you mad. Writing. Singing to myself and my cat (I've got a mean Simon Lebon down). Sales. Procrastination.

I would hope it's my eyes. In reality, it probably my tattoos, my piercings, and my hips/tits/ass. My brain is pretty stellar too, though...

I only read nonfiction, mostly historical or poltical. I love good Mexican food (worked at a Mexican restaurant for 3 years that sucked). I make a mean vegetarian "chicken" parm. I love old punk, Irish punk, 90's punk, ska, emo, hardcore, electronic folk. Social Distortion is the best band EVER (and "The Whole Wide World" by Wreckless Eric is my fav song in the history of the world...). Big into Spoon right now. Goonies, Better off Dead, The Big Lebowski, Waiting for Guffman, Ghostbusters, any John Cusack movie. Also into cheesy B horrors...

My friends, bananas, sarcasm, my Snuggie, Seinfeld, my cat.

The present and future. How to actually get ahead. And my phone bill. I hate my phone bill.

Working, then at The Press with my ladies... or sleeping.

I'm a tad emotional for the right person...

You are tolerant.
You like Seinfeld.
You are registered to vote.
You have seen the movie "Polyester".
You aren't freaked out by a girl who bases her life on sarcasm.